2013 it's been a fun ride....

I can't believe we are mere days away from 2013 officially being over and beginning a new year. I probably say this at the end of every year but this year has really went by fast. It's like I went to sleep and woke up to the year being gone. I was thinking about this year and what all I've got to do. Some of my plans that I had made didn't come to pass but that's okay there was some reason for that so I'll try to patiently wait and hope it happens soon. I didn't really get to go on a real vacation and travel like I love to this year but I had a job that I could take vacation days from and for that I'm thankful. I was able to somewhat tear some walls down and get closer to my friends and I got to spend time with them which is a huge step for me. I still have my family around and for that I am beyond thankful for. I didn't get to travel but I did get to go to some great concerts starting with Winter Jam (which me and my friends are already planning for in 2014!) and then I got to see Jo Dee Messina, Rhonda Vincent and Sara Evans, all of whom I was able to meet and get their autograph. I even got to talk to JDM and Rhonda Vincent. Although there wasn't really any major ups or downs (thank God for that) in 2013 it was a good year of growing and learning and just living. I don't really make any new year's resolutions because I break them before the first day is even over. I'm kind of at the point in my life that I just try to take life day by day and if I slip up and make a lot of mistakes on a day I make any necessary apologies, ask for forgiveness and think I got another chance to make it right make sure you make this one count. Maybe as I inch closer and closer to the big 3-0 I can continue to grow in wisdom and learn to love myself and others, forgive, let go and live. I guess if I was to make a new year's resolution that would be it. I'm actually looking forward to seeing what 2014 has in store, I believe or at the very least hope it is a year that I can grow and have new adventures. I look forward to being able to spend more time with my friends and family. I hope 2014 is a great year for all my friends, family, and whoever reads this (in case you don't fall in one of the first two categories and if you do then I'll just give you a double wish for a very happy new year and nothing but the best in 2014!)

Going In Circles

I know there is a lesson to be learned in every thing but some times I wonder if I've already learned it and just need the refresher course constantly to remember what I learned or perhaps I really haven't learned the lesson yet and I got to go through the whole thing again to try to get it. For example, several times throughout my life I've been told I was stubborn and never thought much of it. My thinking was I needed that to make it and besides it's the Irish roots in me! However, recently I was again told I was stubborn and this time it bothered me, not in the fact of who told me (I greatly respect them) or even being told it again but the fact that I realized this time that perhaps my stubborness is hindering me. Which then got me thinking is there a difference between determination and being stubborn? I'm still searching for the answer to that question so if anyone knows please enlighten me. I know I can be stubborn when it comes to change and that I can fully admit is plain old stubborness. There are other things I do that I think lean more towards just being determined to finish a goal instead of being stubborn (tired of reading that word yet?!). I guess it all comes down to the fact that I need to find that fine line between determination and stubborn (assuming there is one) and jump on over to the determined side. Sometimes these traits we think are helping us and make us a better person end up holding us back, guess that's the lesson I'm supposed to be learning right now.

You ever have someone tell you something and you think boy that could have been helpful years ago? I also recently had that happen to me...again, which will greatly explain the purpose of the last paragraph but first the reason to even write the last paragraph. For almost twelve years I have been haunted and plagued with regret of not waking my grandma up before I went to school on what was to be the morning she passed away. However, it appears this year is the year for me to see how I did the right thing and to finally let that regret go. It first happened on that day I got the hug from the elderly lady I went to church with that felt just like I was hugging my grandma. The second thing happened this past weekend when I was told something that finally made it make sense why I couldn't force myself to wake her up and why I'm now glad I didn't because had I done so it would've possibly been the most selfish thing I could've ever done. Now when that morning comes to mind I can for the first time ever honestly say I have peace about it and for that I thank God and the ones He used to let me finally realize the truth. I may face that regret about this situation again but I know I have something hidden in my memory bank that I can go in and get to remember the truth.

I occasionally catch myself thinking if I could only go back in time and do it over so I may realize the truth the second time around and not put myself through unnecessary things. However good that sounds in theory I know if it was to actually be possible for me I'd make the same mistakes and possibly even make it worse. I was also thinking about it and I thought if I did get a chance to live it over again and I did get it right that time that could mean that I never met the friends and people that have made an impact in my life and I would gladly face the same circumstances and make the same choices to stay on the road to meet the people I have throughout the years and have the people that are in my life right now.


Focus on God, not the fear, regret, or circumstance. * My new motto I'm trying to live by

Quiet Girl

I've accepted the fact that my mind works by having racing thoughts that hardly ever get completed before going to the next thought. What I haven't gotten used to is how sometimes based on what I'm thinking or just randomly I'll get an idea of something to write. Yesterday I was thinking of something a friend had told me, actually she has said this several times, and although I still don't believe it as it pertains to me it did get me thinking and suddenly I had a couple of lines that I had to write down. Normally this happens when I'm driving so it was nice that I was able to be where I could write it down as soon as it came to mind, even though I was supposed to be working. It wouldn't have stopped going in my head until I wrote it down. Anyway, even more rare is how quickly this came to me, usually it takes me days, weeks and some times never for anything to happen with these random ideas that I feel I need to write down. Mostly because I'm not a writer and the rest of that mostly is because I have to write what I know, whether it's what I'm going through now or have dealt with especially with my poems, writings, whatever you want to call them. I've heard of people writing letters to their younger selves and I would say this is my version of that to myself, not only younger self but me now. Also apparently I've read the quote 'Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is youer than you' by Dr. Seuss one to many times and I'm fairly certain it greatly influenced the last two lines. I guess I've rambled on enough so here is my latest attempt at writing,

Quiet Girl

By: April Donahue

To many she is just a quiet girl

Feels like she is on a tilt-o-whirl

Always watching the people rush on by

Trying to find her place in this life

Quiet girl don't you see your worth

Shake those fears and face this world

It's time for your quiet voice to be heard

Few or many so much is hidden in your words

Don't listen to those whispered lies

Quiet girl hold your head up high

Don't be afraid to show your smile

Take it all one step at a time

Quiet girl it's okay to be yourself

When others try to make you someone else

Never, ever forget the truth

You are you and there's nothing you can't do

And that picture is a glimpse into how thoughts really role around in my head and what I go through to even attempt to write anything, whether it's a poem or just something in a journal to clear my head. I wonder if every one that writes does that? Anyway, to all the quiet girls (and guys) out there I hope we one day, if you haven't already, realized our worth and what we have to offer the world.

Just Keep Reading, Just Keep Reading....

Hello, my name is April and I am a bookworm, book nerd...well whatever you want to call it I love to read and buy books. This is not a confession in hopes of breaking this habit, actually the complete opposite, in the fact that I'm accepting  that it makes me happy to go to a bookstore and I do sometimes hide behind and within the safe confines of a book. That last part I might have to be careful with but then again everyone has to have some kind of escape from reality from time to time. I will admit that I rarely read a book that I don't end up learn something about myself. In fact I had given up on having anything to really write about until I quite by accident found a book that I couldn't leave the store without and thanks to a minor winter precipitation I stayed in my room all day yesterday and read. I originally was drawn to the story because it is written as letters to a Mr. Knightley from Sam, short for Samantha, who loves to read and hides behind the characters in her favorite books. The letters are a one sided conversation, besides a couple of times that Sam demands a response but quickly regrets that decision because just seeing the letters puts her in a panic. Mr. Knightley pays for Sam's college and the only thing he asks is that she write him letters telling her about what is going on in school. However, the letters quickly become an easy outlet for Sam to tell her true feelings about her life as well as what is going on with her classes. She has trust issues and has a hard time making friends and will quote her favorite characters when she feels to exposed. That I can relate to but I quote books, movies, televisions shows for basically all kinds of emotions or events. I loved the book because it talked a lot about the classic books and I loved the letter writing, that's just something you don't see in real life or books very often which is sad. I love the idea of people taking the time to actually write a letter, emails are nice too, but there is just something about receiving something from someone in their own handwriting. Although I feel sorry for anyone who has to read anything written by me, sometimes I have a hard time reading my own writing. Throughout the book Sam begins to realize she hides behind her characters and what they have to say instead of her saying and being who she really is. I actually figured out who Mr. Knightley was before it was mentioned but I don't think that took away from the story at all. One of my favorite lines from the book is: 'Through it, I found a new character. Me. She's bold and fairly fiesty, with serious timidity issues at times. Every step she takes forward, she glances back and even retreats. But she's got courage. I think she'll make it. I don't know when she'll be free to run - figuratively, that is.' I love it because it reminds me that we all have our flaws, characters in the books and us living in the real world too, but no matter how many flaws we have or why we have them if we keep going one day we'll be free to run - figuratively that is! So as I close this post I again say, I'm a proud book worm, because within the confines of those pages of characters I find something to learn about myself and after all one can never have to many books are journals.

If you would like to read the book I mentioned it is called Dear Mr. Knightley and is by Katherine Reay. I definitely recommend it if you are a big fan of Jane Austen, Charles Dickens, or love reading books that have letters. 

I can't end this without also recommending another great book I'm reading (because any good reader can't just be reading one book and I'm currently reading and trying to finish three). This one is about Alexandra (Alex to friends and family) and Cole. Alex comes from a wealthy family but you wouldn't know it except for her last name because she works hard to get what she has. Cole recently had a crushing blow when his now ex-fiance broke off their engagement. Alex and Cole work together and I unfortunately can't go in to much more detail because that is the drawback of reading so many books at one time. I imagine it's like trying to pay enough attention to all of your kids, it can sometimes be hard, and that is saying nothing against this story because it is such a good story I am fighting sleep at night just so I can read one more chapter. So go check out One Good Reason by Chase Ewing. Here is a link...

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00H3OUK56/ref=cm_sw_r_tw_awdl_z6POsb0CM48W0  

Where are you Christmas?

We're quickly approaching the Christmas holiday that seems to get more stressful and less joyful for people each year. It sometimes feels and seems like people get so wrapped up in outgifting and outspending others around them that they have completely forgotten that it's the thought that counts and makes the gift special not the price tag or what is inside the box. Or at least that's the way I see it. I've given people gifts and they'll have the look or say something in a round about way that you can tell they are thinking, 'Is this it? This is all you got me.' I can stress over what gift to get someone but not because of money or anything but because I want the person to obviously like what I get them but let it show that I listen to them and just pay attention to things they like to do or collect even if they only mentioned it briefly in a conversation and they thought it went unnoticed. Giving and helping others is my gift to not only the person but to myself which is why I hate when people ask me what I want. Rarely do I honestly have an idea what to even reply with but even if I do know something I want it's rare I'll ask someone for it, I just go ahead and get it myself. To be honest the best gifts I could get from others can't even be bought at a store. So if I had to make a Christmas list here is what it would be:

1. A shoulder to lean on when I need to cry
2. A hand to help me up when I've fallen
3. Take time to listen to me
4. A kind word to encourage me
5. A stern word to get me back on track or set me straight when I am wrong

To me these are the true gifts that keep on giving all year long and mean more than anything that can be bought.  I don't want it to come across like I don't appreciate the actual gifts people do get for me because I most definitely do. I greatly appreciate the thought that people care enough to even think of me and I truly am one that believes it's the thought that counts I don't care what I am given on any gift giving occasion. While you ponder what the perfect gift is to get someone I think we all could use the reminder that sometimes the best gift can't be found in your local mall and if it did have a price tag on it I'm fairly certain it would just say priceless. It's not about how many boxes with bows are under the Christmas tree that makes it the perfect holiday but being surrounded with those you love and care about. It's very corny and cliche I admit but I also believe there is quite a degree of truth behind it. I personally hope I never lose the outlook of simple is better.