It's Finally Here...

Well the day that I had been freaking out about finally arrived and last night I went to sleep still in my twenties but woke up this morning beginning my journey to see what 30 has in store for me. Now that it's actually here I'm not sure why I was even freaking out like I expected some drastic change to occur when I woke up this morning. Although it would've been kind of cool to have a little bit of the effect that occurs when The Doctor regenerates! Alas, all I got was realizing it was my birthday as I'm sleepily walking back to my bed after hitting the snooze button and thinking, 'Yup I definitely am taking an extra ten minutes of sleep today.' After freaking out for so long I have to say I'm kind of excited to say I'm 30, I earned it! I was recently told that in your thirties you start feeling comfortable in your own skin and that I am most definitely looking forward to. In fact, I think it has slowly, albeit very slowly, started already.

I couldn't end this post without writing that I thank God that He has allowed me to make it this far and I'm thankful for the friends and family I have that are there for me. The weekend before my birthday I had some great friends that took me out to eat and had a cookout all for me, which is weird (a good weird) but I couldn't help but think wow I guess people really do like me and count me as their friend. I'm very blessed to have friends that are more like family to me. So today I'm starting a new journey and see where this road that is called Thirty takes me. I am looking forward to growing as a better person and all the adventures that await me. Allons-y! :)

Plot Twist

Plot twists can sometimes be very predictable in books and movies but the same can't always be said when those twists show up in this story called life. Predictable or not, real or fiction, these unforeseen scenarios are often at first seen as a bad thing that is just going to ruin the whole story. With books and/or movies it can be easier to deal with the twists because, at least for me, if I don't like it I just do my own rewrite and have it turn out the way I wanted and am certain would've been better! Granted not all of these turns in the story are bad and it is quickly seen that this is going to make the story better but sometimes it looks like a terrible thing until you start to look back and realize that was needed and helped the story. This is very true when it comes to the plot twists in life. I'm one that when something happens, be it good or bad, I play ever single possible scenario that my brain can think of and to often when something unexpected shows up I will panic and for a brief moment think this is just going to end terrible (and by brief I sometimes mean long after I've made it through the scenario and am looking back and seeing how it worked for the best).  However, I recently had an epiphany in realizing that 1) I have spent way to many years not giving myself enough credit at just how strong willed and how much I truly am capable of doing and 2) that my outcome of these sudden curves in the road and me making the turn without wrecking greatly depends on my initial reaction, which is usually panic, fear and run when it should be maybe a little panic but mostly reassuring myself that it's just a small detour that doesn't mean it's the end of everything. Another thing that I was thinking upon recently is how so often we see other peoples lives and we wish our lives were like that. I have also spent time doing that until something struck me that I honestly  hadn't ever really thought of. I had thought that it was kind of ridiculous to think that because nothing is ever exactly 100% as it seems especially if it seems to good to be true. However, for some reason I hadn't really thought about how it was a waste of time wishing this because if I had that persons characteristics and/or possessions it still wouldn't fix what I wanted changed about me and I would soon end up not being me. Now there are plenty of things I want/need to change about myself but faults and all I am who I am for a reason, do I fully understand that reason, no and I may never. I do understand though that without me being me and taking the routes, with just as many right and wrong turns, it has placed all of the right people in my life and if I'm perfectly honest I like who I am, quirks and all. As e.e. cummings said, 'It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.' and I think I'm finally ready to grow up and be that person.

What If Syndrome

This has been sitting in draft mode for weeks now. I can't quite figure out what I want to write so I've just let it sit here until I could maybe decide what I wanted to write. I still don't really know but figured it was time to post something, just to get this poor post out of draft mode.

You know if there isn't something called the 'what if syndrome,' there definitely should be because that is what I'm having right now and I'm not a big fan of it to be honest.What is what if syndrome you ask, well here are my symptoms:

• when thinking of something new/different want to do I suddenly create many different what if scenarios, mainly things that could go wrong
• have anxiety due to things that could go wrong
• stay so long in what if zone that I never get to actually try new/different thing wanted to do

That's just the ones I could think of but you get the idea. If you could get frequent visitor miles for getting stuck in what if zone I would be sitting on a gold mine of mile points. I unfortunately tend to get stuck here more than I want but I have finally gotten good at figuring out I am stuck here and am getting where I'm not as afraid to dig my way out of that rut and back on the right track. The thing I'm realizing is when I get in my what if's I am now in the danger zone of to much fear, just like you can have to much of any emotion at one time. When this happens the emotions become the puppeteer and I'm taken on a trip where I've given complete control to my emotions. My fear has control of me and has covered up my eyes so now I can't see that I'm within distance of realizing my new dream, that the walk to the finish line isn't near as complicated as that darkness that I can only see because the fear has blinded me. Emotions are needed and are very helpful until they become the puppeteer and control every step we take or many times don't take. It can be difficult but I got to remember I'm the puppeteer over my emotions and actions and only me. I can't give that responsibility to no one else nor can I let my emotions take control because they will freeze me in my steps or potentially take me where I don't want to go, like getting that dreaded what if syndrome. Easier said than done often times but I figure you got to keep on keeping on. To many times in my life I've gotten so focused on how many times I've fallen down and messed up but forget that I'm still a winner because the number of times I've gotten back up is more than the times I've fallen. Here's to us all becoming out own puppeteer instead of our emotions, society or any other thing that blinds us and holds us back from being who we are and fulfilling those dreams.