Tuesday, December 30, 2014

just writing about another book I read...

Once again I must write about a book I just finished reading. Actually it was one of those gems you have to finish in one setting. The book this round is The Mistletoe Promise by Richard Paul Evans (you may remember I wrote about his series The Walk). He has quickly became one of my favorite authors and this book further proves why. This book was the book I asked for Christmas and was so excited I got it I gave my cousin a hug (that's huge for me). Anyway, this book is the perfect read for that cold winter night. It focuses on Elise and Nicholas who is tired of being alone during the holidays and proposes that he and Elise act like a couple for eight weeks. If you read the contract it's a pretty sweet deal. Both parties have secrets that darken their past and continue to haunt their present. Who can't relate to that? Elise has had her secret used against her by her ex husband and even herself she basically feels she's unlovable and doesn't deserve a loving relationship. Ultimately Elise and Nicholas find they have more in common than they, or at least Elise, could have ever imagined. There's a part in the book when fear takes over Elise and she says, 'Before you judge me too harshly, consider your own deepest fears...fear doesn't listen to reason. It takes its own counsel.' That was one of the best, most accurate sentences I'd ever read about fear. In this book Elise discovers that she made a terrible mistake but that mistake doesn't make her unlovable or a terrible person that doesn't deserve forgiveness (including from herself) and happiness. We all make mistakes, I think the biggest one of all isn't the wrong we did but believing we don't deserve forgiveness but deserve to live in that state of I deserve to be unhappy, I don't deserve anything good, etc. lie that fear feeds us. I love how this story shows how we do that to ourselves and how we are so wrong to think that. Or that's what I got. It's a very sweet story. Seriously I got all teary eyed more times than I will admit and said, 'Oh, that is so sweet.' a whole lot. So if you are looking for a quick read you may want to grab this book. I recently saw a quote that stated: one kind of good book should leave you asking: how did the author know that about me? The Mistletoe Promise was that kind of book for me. Oh and bonus the book has an epilogue. I was excited to find that when I turned what I thought was the last page only to see Epilogue (I'm a big fan of an epilogue especially when I'm not quite ready to say goodbye to the characters) This has been a presentation of another random book review/report brought to you by Ramblings of a Quiet Girl. Not responsible for time spent truly enjoying previously mentioned book(s) or time deemed wasted reading (but really if you think that you aren't doing something right

Saturday, December 27, 2014

Where did you go 2014?

Well I finally stepped out of my comfort zone and attempted to publish all of my poems. I feel like I should pay someone to read any of my stuff and highly doubt I'll even sell a copy but I took the step and made it anyway. Now I can at least no longer be stuck in the what if train as far as that goes. I know I made many mistakes on it, including one that is driving me nuts where you click on it to look inside and I didn't do the pages right so you really never get to even read one of the poems. Not exactly a good selling point but oh well, got to learn somehow and that really may bother me so much I'll have to start all over or just go to my happy place and pretend I don't know anything about it....maybe there's a way you can edit that I have no idea.

This past week or so has made me realize just how much and why I hate going to the doctor. Good news my eyes are doing a lot better, thank God. It may be premature but I'm totally going ahead and calling everything back to normal for me and I passed the test. Technically my follow up isn't for another week or two but really how likely is it that if they found something on the MRI that they would wait until then to tell me. I've decided to do a Dr. Donahue and diagnose myself and again say that issue is fine and  I'm fairly certain I have pinpointed what is causing the other issues and that's simply because I'm on medicine that I no longer believe I need to be taking. I'll pay my copay and ask the professional but I've all but convinced myself that is the problem. I figure I should know me more than these other  nurses and such that have only seen me a couple of times, not to take away their professional opinion because they can put the symptoms together better than I can but I do tend to know what is normal or not for me. I apparently am better at acting like I'm okay than I thought or some people really don't pay attention at all...or both. I'm not sure whether to be proud that I'm that good at acting like everything is okay or I should be worried that I could be that good. I had someone ask me today so you not feeling good? Which brought on the bit of being worried that I may be that good at not showing apparently anything because this person was around a couple of days ago when I had a very particular rough day so then I thought well shoot if I really was needing someone to notice that I was sick and needed to go to the ER or something I'd be up a creek. It's that invisible cloak, must be working again. Funny story I was at IHOP the other day, ended up going by myself and to the waitresses credit they were busy and I didn't get mad or nothing but she kept passing me by. Every time she'd go to bring me a drink, or when she brought the check she went right on by and at least on one occasion said 'oh there you are...' Oh that good ol' invisible cloak one just never knows when it will decide to work. Oh well I'm okay with having my invisible cloak back on and apparently being really good at acting like everything is okay because 99% of the time everything really is okay (makes acting a lot easier!). Either way long story most definitely not short I'm thankful that the main hurdle of this test has been crossed (as stated earlier I'm calling it because it just seems logical at this point).

Lastly, it is difficult to believe that 2014 is almost over and a new year and journey is about to start and/or continue. I can honestly say I have been blessed more than I deserve this year (well every year really). I was fortunate enough to do some traveling, able to feel like getting out and doing a lot of walking and over all truly appreciate and enjoy life this year. I saw friends and family members face tests this year and they taught me a lot in how one should never take things for granted and always appreciate every moment. I grew as a person and hope to never stop doing that as long as I got breath to take. I continue to find my way on this yellow brick road I call life and look forward to the side roads I get to take to finish up 2014 and the ones that I will find my way on in 2015. Whatever I may face and whatever roads I may get to challenge it is my hope that I never take it for granted and enjoy this ride, that is my wish for you as well. If you're 2014 wasn't what you wanted, may you get the opportunity to accomplish all and more of your goals and dreams in the new year.

Here's a link (that hopefully works because I am technologically challenged) for my book with my poems....

http://www.amazon.com/Collection-Poems-Quiet-Girl-ebook/dp/B00RH2VZEE/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1419711803&sr=1-1



Sunday, December 21, 2014

This is just a test...

Sometimes life throws us tests, some we can see coming from a distance and some can kind of blind side us. Some are like pop quizzes and some you expect like that final exam at the end of the term. I don't like tests but I know I ain't getting out of this life without having to take some. One of my biggest fears is losing my vision, it's up there with fearing how I'm leaving this world (oddly I don't worry as much about when). I feel like a complainer for even writing about what I'm about to when I have so many examples of people that have/are facing much worse circumstances but I guess I'll go ahead and write a little about it. For a few months I've had some health issues that I won't go completely into but the main thing was with my vision. I thought it was just time to up the prescription and get new glasses and found out I had optic neuritis. No big deal really it lasts awhile heals on its own type thing. Had to have a test to check for something never heard nothing, still having terrible eye pain and blurry vision but had convinced myself it's in my head. This past week got a call from a neurologist the eye doctor referred me to and found out I still had really bad inflammation (guess I wasn't still imagining it after all) so I have to get five days of IV steroid infusions and couple tests make sure nothing else is going on. So see it really is no big deal but even though it's small I am learning so very much. I've had some major fears and worries pop up but then something clicked and I thought no this is just a test and with God I will pass. Not long before I got the call from the neurologist I had earnestly prayed if something is going on or even if it ain't please let me be able to find out just so I can know and quiet those fears and worries. Now I hate needles and have been dreading these infusuons but again thus far it has proved to actually be helping my faith grow. Here's how I am trying to look at it I am standing on that solid truth that I believe God is with me through this and it is only going to be a test but if it shows something else is going on I plan on still standing on that promise. Now I'm human and will lose focus may even take a step off and focus more and longer on the fears and worries but I will as quickly as possible run back to that solid foundation full of promises I know God will keep. Because sometimes it takes what can at times seem huge even though in my heart of hearts I know it ain't but it's got my attention and put me on a road that I need to be on. You know as stated earlier there are people that are facing much more and there's someone that has really shown me what it means to have faith during trials. I often times act like I ain't listening or paying attention but I notice so much more than it seems and I go back to what certain people have said during these times and it has really influenced me and they have or are currently helping me in my faith whether they'll ever realize it. And another thing is I really didn't want to tell anyone about all this I mean I don't even got all the answers or potentially don't and I'm a fairly private person but the ones I did mention they said they'd be praying for me and/or asked if I needed anyone to go with me for the injections, etc. And that meant a lot cause even though it's a terribly small test I'm going through they were willing to take time to ask if I needed anything. And I know that on those days I get to focused on the fears and worries if I can swallow my pride I could call them up and vent and/or just say you got a prayer you could spare for me. So I know this is going to end just fine and I'm gonna pass. There's a song that has the line I just feel like something good is about to happen...and I really do.


And this is potentially really weird to end with a quote from Doctor Who but it fits, at least with all the rest that's in my head but didn't write and in my opinion it's one of my favorite quotes (along with many, many more)

Monday, December 15, 2014

The Power of Words

Twenty six letters in the English alphabet. Doesn't really seem like a lot (I know there are languages that really do have less letters in the alphabet) like enough to make enough different words to continuously say something different, something useful, something meaningful, or sometimes even something hurtful. I find it fascinating the power that a combination of a few letters taken from the alphabet can truly have. They can be forgotten or hidden away in that special file in your memory bank only to be found and opened perhaps at just the right moment. I guess I type all of that because it always fascinates me when I read a book how those combination of letters and the authors creativeness ended up giving me advice, introducing me to characters that remind me of myself or people I know, and just taking me on adventures to places and times I wish I could really visit.

Can you tell I started reading another book?! This one is called Paper Angels by Billy Coffey. Fantastic story thus far, I didn't want to stop reading but the pull to write this was greater. When I read I tend to write down little nuggets of quotes, lines from the books that resonate with what I am or have been feeling and could encourage me or just give me something to ponder on. This book has already given me several. I would like to write three of them. Maybe they won't mean anything to you or maybe they'all give you something to think about.

- In the end it's what you do and not what you meant to do that matters. (I'm a firm believer actions speak louder than words. At least I hope so since hardly anyone ever hears my words! Sad, yet funny but true)

- Because in the end people are broken and spend their lives trying to put the pieces together. Your job is to help them find the pieces. (It's nice to have people willing to help you find those pieces even when you sometimes don't want to look for them)

- To feel sadness did not mean I had no faith; it meant I had an abundance of it...the real conquerers of life were the ones who knew not only when to laugh but when to cry

Seventy something pages in and I am truly enjoying this book. Gonna be one of those I'll have to stay up to finish.

So earlier this year in my very random thoughts I got the bright idea to send a fan letter to Carol Burnett and Lana Parrilla. To my surprise and absolute excitement I received replies from both. On the picture from Lana Parrilla she wrote Big Hugs which is kind of funny since I am so backwards about hugs (although I am getting better and a few people have made the list of I don't mind receiving hugs from). I found it funny but maybe it's one of those you have to be me or know me type things. Anyway I thought it was super nice that they took the time out of their busy schedule to reply to my letters, to this quiet girl from the hills of Kentucky. I truly appreciated it. Now if I could meet Nathan Fillion... lol a girl can dream, eh?!


Saturday, December 6, 2014

Where Rainbows Never Die (it's a good song thought it'd work for a good blog title)

I have decided to go on a diet, not because I still have weight I need to lose but instead due to the unbelievable crowds at stores this time of year. Usually you can avoid most of the crowds by not going at the first of the month but now it doesn't matter. I went to the store tonight and got terribly nervous/anxious I had to do every trick I could think of to calm myself and finally decided if I forgot something I could live without it and hurried to the checkout lane as fast as I could. I know that sounds ridiculous and overdramatic but it is a terribly crippling thing to have happen. One of those I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy things. Granted it doesn't even take a lot of people for this feeling to hit me. I hate it but I hate how when it happens or I'm faced with going somewhere it could happen some people say it doesn't bother them or I don't see the big deal about it. I know they most likely don't mean anything and may think they are helping but it doesn't help at all. In my head I know it isn't a big deal and shouldn't bother me but something I can't explain, this fear, over powers my logic and it's just terrible. I even have a difficult time at places like church especially when they have dinners. Oh well at least I'm figuring out some tricks to try to help calm me down and stuff. It's hard to explain anxiety and things like that and it's so easy for people to not realize you are dealing with it or easy to say to just get over it. As I wrote earlier I don't wish things on my worst enemy or anyone but there are times I wish people that say things like that could just momentarily feel what that person feels during those times.

I have such a love/hate feeling about this time of year. I love the decorations, music, etc but I hate how I miss certain people that have passed away so much more during this time. Today has been one of those days. I would love to be able to talk to my grandma. I posted that earlier today on FB and said I didn't have anything in particular I had totalk to her about but I lied. I do have something I wish I could talk to her about or just catch her up on what's been going on since she's been gone. Mostly I wish I could get a hug from her those always made me feel better and right now I need that. She would know what to say even if it was nothing but a hug to help me with a certain situation and person I just don't rightly understand or know how to deal with. Oh well it is what is and this to shall pass.


Wednesday, December 3, 2014

There once was a title but it could never be found

My invisa-shield is malfunctioning again. I'm not sure how but the settings seem to be permanently sat on invisible mode when I need people to see me and easily seen/found when I want to not be seen by people so they will just walk on by. To be honest I'm not even sure where the switch is to fix the settings. Okay I really don't have an invisa-shield but if I did that's how it would work I am certain because that is how things currently go for me. It's my own fault partly I wait forever for an appropriate time to break in the conversation but it never happens so I awkwardly stand off to the side sometimes finally being spotted and sometimes just using my ninja skills and leaving for them to realize minutes later, if at all, that I'm gone. I recently had to make a couple phone calls for meetings at work. On at least one occasion I was told they couldn't hear me. My first thought, Like I haven't heard that before. Seriously there should be a club and the people could discuss what it was they thought I said or meant ( in case they heard me but it still made no sense). Then my mind working the way it does came up with the following (warning repeat if you read my many posts on FB):

I feel like I should have cards printed to hand out to people that state the following:

Yes I do know my age and relationship status. Yes I know I'm not getting any younger and I do hear my biological clock ticking but I treat it like any other clock and ignore it. You will not hear anything I say the first time (or quite possibly ever, just laugh and shake you head and we'll move on. It'll make me think I'm funny and people agree with me and you won't have to feel bad saying huh again.) and if I do not answer in five seconds it does not mean I don't have anything to say. On second thought this has been enough social interaction for the day. Have a good one

I'm very serious that I want to print these out. I'd never get the nerve to pass even one out but I rather like the idea. Lastly, because I just suddenly went blank here is a rather funny quote I found from The Andy Griffith Show.

Barney: He buttered her up and she egged him on.
Andy: That's funny! You just think of that?
Barney: I can't take any credit for it. My mind just works that way


And that's all she wrote...for now.