A Little Bit Closer

I have a terrible habit of reading comments on Facebook posts and then inevitably regretting it, this being for pictures and such on pages I have liked. I regret it because you can realize just how rude and mean people can be to complete strangers and because I realize I just wasted time that I'll never get back reading stuff that doesn't matter at all. There are those times that I'll read a comment that is funny, puts something in a perspective I hadn't seen before or is just good. I recently was reading comments on a picture of Ireland (shocking I know, I seem to like to torture myself by looking at all of these pictures all while dreaming of the day I can go back) and just decided to read some of the comments I don't know why unless it worked out so I could see one comment in particular. Are you liking this walk through the forest I'm taking you on instead of the easy but less scenic route this should have been? Anyway the first comment I saw was something this persons grandma always said. Grandmas have the best advice don't they? The comment..right...so her grandma said that you are never lost, you are just on an unplanned tour of an unknown area. I love that. How much better is it to look at it like that be you actually lost somewhere or on your journey in life toward a certain goal? I need to remember that because I do tend to sometimes focus to much on how many steps I keep taking back or how far I have to go instead of how far I have made it. I am trying to remind myself that a little bit closer is better than nothing and nothing is better than going back to the starting line and if I go back to the starting line well there must have been something I needed to be reminded of again and I hope I remember to not take the same turn that got me back to the starting line. I think sometimes people put to much focus on the finish line and where you finish at. True that the people that finish first get the bigger, seemingly better trophy but what do they have besides a trophy sitting on a mantle somewhere collecting dust because they were in such a hurry to finish first that they missed so much on the journey. What is that saying....life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away. I think that's true with where we are at on this race called life, you shouldn't measure it by where you are compared to others because it's not fair to judge yourself to others when 1) you don't know what that other person has gone through to get where they are, nor do they likely know what you have gone through, 2) just cause you are on the same track doesn't mean you're wanting or trying to get to the same goal, 3) it's okay to take as many pit stops as you need to stay focused and get where you need to be and I've yet to find the hidden rule that some people seem to use to say otherwise. I love it when I meet a goal and get to the finish line but to be honest for me many times it's not the finish line that I remember throughout the years but the people I encountered on the way to the goal, the things I had to endure to keep pressing on to the goal, etc. For me the finish line is almost a bonus because the real prize is and has been what I've learned on the way. That's all I've got so I guess this concludes the ridiculously long scenic walk through the woods this time. 

Spring and some other thought...or two

Never have I been so excited to see it officially be spring again, except maybe for last year and the year before that... Seriously though I am really excited that it is spring and there are a few flowers that are blooming and soon the leaves will be on the trees again. The other morning walking out to my car I heard all of the birds chirping, I think they chirp happier when they know spring is arriving! I kid but I don't know maybe they do. Now I am so ready to go places and take photos and such. I'm on this big kick of wanting to find old buildings, churches and of course covered bridges to take photos of. If plans don't fall through I got the covered bridges covered. There is just something about the spring that feels like a new beginning, so refreshing. After being cooped up in the winter for so long I feel like a caged bird that has figured out a way to open the door and escape. Speaking of birds I find it amazing when I see a bird sitting on a branch high up on a tree and what looks like it should be a not so sturdy branch is easily holding up the bird. It reminds me of the quote that states a bird sitting on a tree is never afraid of the branch breaking because its trust is not in the branch but in its own wings.Whether you're sitting on the branch or taking that first flight never fail to trust your wings.

This is really, really random (like more random than normal) but it's quite often how my brain works so I'm learning to just go with it. I was looking at a shelf that was built with old lumber nothing out of the ordinary right, I mean this is where normal people would go on with their merry little life but not I! Oh no as I was looking at the lumber I noticed all of the marks on it from weather and from having nails hammered into it and so on and I noticed the color of the wood. I've never understood why people will just throw away lumber from older houses. To build things with that gives it so much more character and it also recycles perfectly usable lumber. Hold up a piece of old wood next to a new piece of lumber straight from the saw mill and you can tell the difference right? Most people would probably choose the new piece of lumber but to me that old piece of lumber is the better choice. Why, you may ask, because that old piece has proven it can go through a few storms it can take a few hits but still hold up. I guess my point was that sometimes people can look like that, they can look like an old useless piece of lumber that most people would just assume to throw away instead of salvage but just like if that old piece of lumber could talk it would have some stories to tell that person has some stories to tell too, no doubt some or many include some storms that they had to go through.


I have come to the conclusion of another reason people have such a difficult time understanding me. This goes along with the fact that I inadvertently play unscramble my sentence when I try to talk because it never comes out even remotely like it was arranged in my head before I proceeded to speak and I sometimes ain't entirely sure what the world I'm trying to say. My other thing is I tend to subconsciously or otherwise get in the unintentional habit of pronouncing and saying words that crack me up, I find a much more entertaining way to say something or just because. I also usually get these words from books or televisions shows I watch which nine times out of ten are shows that none of my friends or people I interact with have ever seen/read. You know how it is you reference something perfectly and it just goes right over everyone elses head, I never know if it makes it that much more funnier or a bit sad. That's my story of why people continue not to understand me of course you know me not really talking and when I do it being quiet and fast has absolutely no bearing whatsoever on the difficult task of understanding me.

Blah, blah, blah, so on and so forth or some such thing or so I was told :)

When I Grow Up

It's safe to say I've probably written about this before but a quick scan of titles of a few past posts didn't prove helpful in truly knowing so I'll just take a chance on repeating these thoughts.

Ever just have those days at your job and you think do I really want to do this the rest of my life? My answer is no. I mean yes I'm thankful for my job but all it is to me is a job. I will ocassionally have people ask me if I'm in college (not sure I look an age I should be in college or it's a safe go to small talk question to go to when what about this weather just won't work.) I'd like to go back to college but I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. If my job is going to have me stuck in front of a computer I wish it could be writing. I would love to be talented enough to have a career with something to do with the arts. I guess it would help if I didn't get bored so easily or have a personality where I need to see progress or a difference with what I'm doing. I hate when I complain about my job and people say you should be glad you have a job (again I am) or how I better not lose this job (money isn'teverything). I don't know maybe if I could find maybe somewhere to volunteer or a way to use some or build upon creativally and just do something to make a difference perhaps it would help. Maybe my job isn't the problem. I don't know who let me adult I can't adult. I hear people say their thirties were their best years I think I'm doing something wrong. I'll soon start on my thirty first year and I still don't even know what I want to be when I grow up. Or as that kid said on America's Funniest Videos I don't want to grow up.

I had another thought but that subject doesn't even remotely go with this and this seems like a food place to stop typing.

No Title Was Given

Not sure why I'm having such a difficult time writing here lately. Lord knows it's not due to shortage of thoughts but none seem worth sharing yet here I am typing. I'm just going to type and not think, not try to worry about making it sound spectacular (not that it ever does of course). If this was being read from my journal I would say shall we turn the page and begin but I guess you'll have to turn an imaginary page.

Sometimes I forget who I am not literally my name (thanks to having a name I cheat by finding on the calendar) but who I've worked to become and how far I've come. It's like I'm at the intersection of the yellow brick road and I suddenly forget where I was even going in the first place. I can sometimes stand to long at the intersection even going in circles before I am reminded by myself or sometimes by the scarecrow (a friend who then walks with me along the road after we begin on our way). Ted Dekker wrote a status on his Facebook page stating what if you were Superman (or woman) but you forgot and so you were in your Clark Kent clothes until someone told you that you really were Superman. You of course dismiss this but they tell you go to a phonebooth and change and you'll see you are Superman. But as Ted Dekker wrote until you 'see' who you are you cannot 'be' who you are. Sometimes I forget to see who I am and who I strive to be (even why) until I take away my disguise I wear to try to please others or because I want to fit in or whatever reason but I need to remember I can fly. I spend to much time not seeing who I am and preventing myself from being who I can be. I think sometimes I forget there is more than one way to write a story (life). Just because one chapter may show up later or possibly not at all in my book doesn't make it a bad story. I just don't want to forget I can fly and miss out on writing (living) one of the best chapters in my story.

Speaking of stories I've been reading The Thread That Runs So True by Jesse Stuart (an unexpected great find thanks to Half Priced Books). It's so far a rather interesting read. I'm fascinated by others stories and especially when they take me back to times I would love to have gotten to witness (maybe but hearing first hand stories puts these times in a whole new aspect often times). It's kind of amazing how some things advance and no matter what time you are living or reading just as many things have remained the same. Anyway, it's an interesting read so far seeing how the school system was back then. Getting to read about his experiences teaching at one room schools has so far been my favorite. Don't know why I'm so fascinated by the one room school. It reminded me of some teachers I had over the years and how they made learning fun. Teachers impacts on your life don't end at the school year they can last a life time. I highly respect those teachers that go above and beyond for their students not for recognition but they do it for the students. I think it's safe to say we all had at least one teacher that you at least once wondered why they got in that profession but more often, I hope, you have at least one teacher but hopefully more you can look back on and have a memory of how they helped you figure something out you was having trouble with or some advice that has helped you even long after you were in their classroom.

I'm a very awkward person and it's even worse when people do things for me. Often times my first reaction is I think you got the wrong person (not that I exactly say that) but why I do that I don't know. It's always nice when people do things from listening to you, hanging out or they give you a gift saying they thought of you when they saw it (not that it's about the gift but to me it's special they were listening and they get things about you that you like and they thought of you when they saw it. And that includes things you can't buy). And it adds to the specialness when a kid comes to you and gives you a gift be it a drawing or whatever just melts the heart it does.

And I suppose that's enough writing for now

Impact (another win for terrible title)

You ever read something and you think that's it! That is exactly what I've been trying to put into logical sentences and never could. I read a blog post today by Billy Coffey (great author if you haven't read any of his books you should and check out his blog on his website www.billycoffey.com). In it he was talking about this elderly lady and the impact she was having on various people as she passed them on the sidewalk as she did various things (talking, adding money in a parking meter for someone, etc). The lady never looked back though and never saw the reactions these people had, the smile on one person or the bewildered look on another. My that's it moment came reading the biggest tragedy may be that we always see the effect the world has on us but rarely the effect we have on the world. Maybe it's all connected and how the world effects us helps us decide what we are going to do to change the world. Perhaps it's not necessarily about turning back to see the reaction but just doing that something even if at the time you don't exactly know why and even if you never know what an impact it made. What is important is if you choose to walk down the sidewalk pushing everyone out of the way being rude or you walk with a smile on your face stopping to talk to someone or add a coin to a parking meter to help someone out you are going to have an effect on this world. Choose wisely.

Life never ceases to amaze me. Today would have been my grandma's 85th birthday. Normally I get...I can have a very magenta day but not this year. No because this year a new family member was born and that alone is fantastic enough. However to now have another birthday to celebrate this day just makes it happy and special again. My grandma would be overjoyed for sure. Funny how things have a way of working out even if they can take a long time and sometimes you don't even know there's something to be worked out. Life what a ride. Sometimes it has so many twists and turns I feel like that seatbelt isn't going to be enough to hold me in and I'll crash and sometimes it's a smooth or even so slow that I feel I'll never reach my next stop, wherever it may be. No matter what stage the ride is on I just need to remember to keep my hands inside and enjoy the ride. Andjust maybe look back every so often to just see if I'm making an impact on others life whily I'm navigating this ride called life.

Do you ever...

I'm calling this particular post do you ever...because everything from here on out will be based on that statement. Why, I have no idea it popped in my head and I'm just going with it. To make sure you don't get tired of reading do you ever, I'll just type it once and you can add it if you want as you read it.

Do you ever... (or have you ever in the case of the first example)

...known someone that no matter what you say you have that person has it and it's worse (in the case of health) or they've already done it (in the case of everything else). I know someone that if you say you didn't sleep good well they only slept a few hours (always less than you did if you mention it) and same goes for if you say you don't feel good. I sometimes want to ask if they have the go-bloots from the booshoo bird just to see if they say they do or not. Or ask if they've ever had their zorch removed. (for the record both of those are references from the I Love Lucy episode, Lucy Fakes an Illness). I no doubt am guilty of doing this to some degree if I catch myself I try to make sure I stop myself from saying something to make my situation sound worse, whether it is or not. I guess some people say it to maybe let the person see they aren't the only one having to deal with it or maybe they are trying to get attention I don't know.

...reference what you thought was a well known expression or plot from a television show or movie only to realize that no one got it and often times just look at you with that I-have-no-idea-how-to-respond-to-that look. Or perhaps it is just an annoyed look that I am once again referencing a show/movie and at a time that was irrelevant. I do tend to reference older shows but it's fantastic when someone gets it, although it's funny to me even when no one gets it.

...just get really excited when you are scanning through radio stations and hear a song you haven't heard in a while or have been wanting to hear. That is the best. Or when you find a CD with a song you absolutely love. Kind of like finding a song you love and playing it on repeat to the point that it probably isn't considered normal.

...have one of those days where no song is fitting the mood you are in and it's quite frustrating because all you want to do is listen to music but each song just isn't the right one to listen to more than a few seconds.

...find it amazing how you can remember all of the lyrics (correct or not) from previously mentioned songs yet you can't remember where you just left your keys five minutes ago.

...feel like it's a gift giving holiday (your choice which one) when you unexpectedly find something you didn't even realize you had lost then wonder how important it really is you keep said object if you didn't even realize you had lost it.

 ...love those moments when someone is trying to tell you a funny story or joke and they keep laughing so much you miss half of the story or the line that makes the punchline make sense but yet you still find yourself having a great laugh just by seeing the other person laughing.  Because a good, hearty, sincere laugh really is sometimes the best medicine. I love to be able to make people laugh (bonus points if you can when the person really isn't in the mood to laugh).

...notice how when you do something that you are sure will get a huge laugh crashes and doesn't get the reaction you think yet something you just do without thinking can often times get the biggest laugh and you are like what did I say or do that was so funny.

...wonder if this list will ever end

....read this blog and think I just wasted those few minutes of my life. I will never get that time back, why did I do that and/or I am fairly certain I have already read something similar to this on here before. (I actually am wondering if I haven't written something similar to this before, probably multiple times)

On that note I believe this is a good place to end this because it's hurting my thinking trying to come up with anymore at this point even though I know somewhere hidden under all of those layers are many more examples.

Excuse me I got lost in my thoughts

I know my value, anyone else's opinion doesn't really matter - Peggy Carter (Agent Carter, TV series)

 What follows may or may not have anything to do with that quote I don't know because I don't really have or know what to write about I just feel compelled to write, so I sit pushing buttons on the keyboard. I will say that I absolutely loved the show Agent Carter and that quite possibly my most favorite quote (besides some of the funny lines and banter of Agent Carter and Jarvis of course). I will say that as many variations of that line I've heard/read it stuck a little bit more after watching the series. I say that because I realize that people can disrespect you, hate you for who you are or what you have, take credit for the work you've done, etc. what matters in the end is you know your worth (or value) and not everyone will see or admit that they see that value but as long as you know and don't let others take away that then you have more than a lot of people have especially those that belittle you. I wonder if that even makes sense, to try not to get to lost in my thought and this end up being deleted before it even begins I'm choosing to not go back and read it but instead just type as fast as I can to get something typed. You know what's dangerous about worrying to much about others opinions? One thing is you don't know what is behind that persons opinion and most likely the person making the opinion doesn't know the complete story. Look at society and how they try to tear people down all so they can sell a product or so they can try to fit everyone in a specific box to make you fit into a stereotype. Granted there are a few peoples opinions I seek out and I respect and I think you should to an extent but don't hold everything you have on those opinions that becomes....well you aren't going to be happy with who you are no matter what you do because you aren't being you but instead are becoming and being all of what others say you are and can do. When you do that you can miss out doing some amazing things because you believe you can't or don't even realize it is a possibility. You shouldn't let others opinions blindfold you to your value because that's the core of what makes you unique and able to do so much. I think I liked this line because it's not saying just do whatever you want and it doesn't matter what others think or what it does to others but it's, or for me anyway, it's meaning more of just don't listen to the voices of the ones that knock you down or try to take away from who you are or what you have accomplished. You know there may be times when you can't call someone up for an opinion or whatever so you need to be able to listen to your inner voice and be able to stand on the fact that you know your own worth. I hope I'm accurately conveying what I want to and before I go on in circles anymore I'm going to go on to another thought...or end this whichever.


This past week and a half or so of winter has just drained me, winter has become that guest that quickly wears out there welcome...or me when I actually visit someone! Before I complain anymore I am thankful to have a house with heat and clothes to wear to keep me warm. I'm just feeling a bit claustrophobic from having to be stuck inside for so long and like a penguin from having to wear so many layers of clothes. Winter is my least favorite season because I am stuck inside so much and if I can't find something to occupy my attention (which is more difficult for me when I am stuck in the house) then I get lost in my thoughts and that is never, ever good because for some reason I just get lost I can't sort them as much. However, when I can get out and walk and if I get lost in a thought I somehow can sort through the thought and stay more focused. It makes no sense but I don't do well with cabin fever. It makes a huge difference when I decide to stay in the house all weekend and not have any contact with anyone but when the weather decides it's going to make that decision for me well I just don't appreciate that and don't adjust well to it. More power to you and kudos to you if you love winter but I'm done with it but seasons ( the actual ones and the ones of life) are what makes the world go around and I just got to suck it up buttercup and be glad I have the means to stay warm and weather this season (again the actual one and ones I have to deal with in life).

If I added the typical how are you doing? Good, how are you? and you read this from here on up it could almost be a typical conversation with me. Not that I necessarily say that much but in the fact that it almost goes with the how you doing and then something about the weather and that's where it ends but the first paragraph(s) would be something that I'd love to talk about but for whatever reason(s) I don't get around to it.

On that note I think it's past time to end this post, okay it was time after the quote but I've written all of this and I don't want to delete it so I'll post it. Until the next time when I once again get lost in my thoughts and type the same sentence many different ways and go in circles. Kinda like when you get so used to driving one particular route that you forget there are other routes to take until the day there is a detour. Sometimes I think detours happen in life so that we take a route that we haven't taken in awhile and whoops I got lost in another thought again. I will save finishing that and any other thoughts. Really I will this time.