In Between Days

Today reminded me of one of those in between days where winter isn't entirely ready to let go but you still see signs of spring. Those days where the mornings and night can have a crisp feel but the afternoon is so beautiful you forgot you the cold crisp air woke you up without the aid of any coffee. And there are those days where the April (or March as is the case now) showers show up to bring May flowers. Those showers, I don't know, they are kind of like in between days. The rain can feel inconvenient at the time especially when it shows up on a day when you had the perfect plan of how to spend the day outside and sometimes it can hurt getting pelted by the rain especially when there is a wind swaying the raindrops at just the right angle and force. Although for the most part I like a rainy day even on those days when it ruins plans or causes a little pain in the end just like the flowers appreciate that refreshing hydration and I appreciate the beauty of the flowers that bloom I can see how the rainy in between day was needed. Sometimes I feel like I'm in a in between decade because thirties are an odd age yet quite possibly my favorite thus far because I am finally finding out who I am or at least better understanding myself. Of course there are still days where the rain pours or at the very least the sky (my thoughts) gets dark and gray with threats that the biggest storm of my life is going to let loose and I won't make it through. You know I got thinking about that today and the thought came out of the blue really that I am thankful and appreciate the light because I have known the darkness. I think I started this post by putting the cart before the horse in ways but hopefully I get what I want to say out where it can be understood. To get that in the right order I guess I should write what I don't really want to write. At the top of my no doubt fairly long list of shortcomings/failings is that I tend to try to carry my load by myself because I don't want to bother people. On the other end of that I try and hope I succeed in doing my best to help others carry their loads. I try to be a person that you can come to me at any time and I'll listen to what's going on and do whatever I can to help relieve the heaviness of the load, most of the time that is just being there to listen. I'm notorious for any time I do open up or whatever whether you know it or not I go into a panic and immediately think why did I say that I've said to much oh I really wish I hadn't said that. It's pointless but I still do it. I admit and bring that up only because in the past couple or so weeks I have been reminded that we're not on this ride alone and it's okay to let that person(s) know hey I'm having a major in between day that is pretty dark and cloudy. Sometimes it's just nice knowing there is someone that is there not because they're just wanting gossip to have to spread, or to belittle you but to be there and help you. Sometimes when you carry so much for so long you just have a bit of a difficult time seeing the good that will come out of what is going on. Because I guess I was also reminded that to some degree everyone we know and meet is facing something or at some point will have one of those days. I also learned that apparently I am still good at hiding just how I feel, I'm still not sure if this is a good thing or not. I guess my point is that when you have these kinds of days may you always remember 1) that you matter, 2) it's okay to let others help you carry the load, 3) if you're like me may you always keep a tight hold on your faith/hope, 4) may you always hear and believe the voice of truth and not the one that can sometimes so easily tell such believable lies. Because sometimes the storm that was meant to destroy us in the end it makes the blossom that much stronger and brighter. I guess I've wrote enough but I will end with sharing a quote I read from a picture I recently saw (I unfortunately don't know who to give credit for saying this but it was well worth sharing) and that was: Never, ever tell me that 'it doesn't matter' because if it was enough to make you cry, it it hurt you that much then it does matter. Never think that you are insignificant or that your problems aren't important because you matter.