Vines

If I kept a count of my random thoughts I wonder which number this one would be? Probably one I would get tired of saying before I finished the ridiculously astronomical number. Earlier I got thinking about thoughts and how amazing it is that what seemingly is nothing but a simple thought can help or hinder you. Where I live there is this vine, not a clue what it is called, but it is a pain. It is nearly impossible to get rid of and just when you think you have here it comes back again. It was at this point in my thinking I had the light bulb come on and well here I am writing what I saw when the light came on. This particular writing is going to focus on the thoughts that hinder, mostly anyway. I'm going to assume it's safe to say we all have our times where we battle thoughts that hinder us, that take us to a place that isn't good for us, and/or we have fears and doubts that we face. Perhaps you're like me and sometimes have battles with all three, most of the time they all three gang up on me and I feel outnumbered and overwhelmed in the fight. Those thoughts, fears and doubts all to often become like that vine. See that vine didn't really serve a purpose but to take up room and prevent anything else from growing in its place. Growing up on occasion I would see a spot where these vines had taken over and decide I was going to pull up the vine so maybe something else could grow there. At least once while doing this there would be some pieces of the vine that I could pull up and remove with ease and there was some I just wasn't strong enough to pull even though I put every ounce of strength I had in me at the time. Usually it started out the big pieces were really easy to get rid of and I thought oh this is going to be easy I'll get this taken care of and rid of in no time. I was wrong. Once I got the big pieces out of the way I had to try to get rid of the smaller pieces. Those were more difficult to get a grasp on, more difficult to get much pulled up besides what was on the surface. Some of the vines I just couldn't make any progress on without help. Did I mention the blisters I got from trying to get rid of these vines? I think thoughts, fears and doubts can be like those vines. Some can be easy to face and vanquish. Some you really got to fight to get a good grip on and use every ounce of strength to conquer. There are those doubts and fears you may have carried for years, maybe your whole life, I think those are like those little pieces of vines. It can be those pieces that you not only have to sit down and take your time at even being able to get a hold of but those are sometimes the ones you need help with getting rid of them and not just on the surface but destroying the roots from which the lies grow. Just like those vines would look like they were gone and I would think they had been overthrown sometimes they would come back as do the thoughts, fears and doubts of life. This can be discouraging, I daresay even overwhelming even. Don't let it be water to the lies of those thoughts, doubts and fears so that you think you'll never beat these things but instead hopefully you can see it as it doesn't have the hold on you that it once did and every bit you pull up, every time you face those fears and doubts and every time you conquer that thought you have pulled a bit more of the root and ultimately you will overcome this vine or battle. I recently had a really, really, I mean absolutely terrible day. It was one of those I'm still not sure if it was a panic attack, breakdown or both, I'm leaning towards both because well I'll just say I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. Because I couldn't breathe among other things I ended up messaging someone to ask if they would pray for me. To be honest I felt stupid about it after I did so (I tend to do that any time I open up, not sure why). Anyway the other day they asked how I was I said okay (again who ever answers that question honestly) and I said I felt stupid for saying that and I shouldn't have bothered her and she said something along the lines of it's only bad not to ask or talk. I guess I'm slowly learning that but Lord have mercy it's difficult for me to do so. I leave you with this when you go to pull those vines of hindering thoughts, fears and doubts make sure you have a good pair of gloves and as much as those thoughts, fears and doubts may try to convince you not to it is okay to ask for help. And it doesn't matter how long it takes you to get the vines destroyed just because others may say you aren't making as much or quick of a progress as they did. Please always remember you aren't going to run the race at the same pace or with the same abilities as others and that is great because you have something that will help someone just like you'll meet others that will help you. I think that's what often makes this life bearable.