Knocked Down but Not Knocked Out

To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven.... - Ecclesiastes 3:1

Kind of a fitting verse since we're less than two weeks away from spring to which I say, thank God, I am so ready to see the colors of the leaves back on the trees and the flowers and the pretty days to go walking in the woods lost in the sounds of the birds and animals. I like to think part of those sounds are them saying, 'Whoo! We made it through the winter. We survived.' No matter how mild or severe the weather may have been that winter. And I think that applies to the seasons we go through in life. I don't know about you but some seasons though I know it is mild and will pass I really have my moments of doubt that I will make it. That's just those sneaky lies and fears talking. In my visual way of thinking and understanding things it's like I am walking down this hallway and it could start out okay, no obstacles and then suddenly all the doors open and people come rushing out of the rooms and crowd the hallway so that I can't see where I was heading and I can't get them to move out of my way so I can get where I want to go, where I am supposed to be. Those people are the lies and fears and the baggage that has never been mine to carry. I am trying to keep pressing through but they are pushing back. Now here's where I struggle in a lot of areas one and the biggest is that I try to do it all by myself. I can't. I have to learn to trust and lean on and rely on God and that it's also okay to ask others for help and let them help carry the load or in this case help push some of those people out of the way. Cause those people in that hallway, they are armed and ready for battle, they ain't playing. There is another area I need to work on cause I don't always check my armor to make sure it's still in good shape, I don't always even wear it. Sometimes I forget it, sometimes I think oh it's not that bad I got it I don't need to wear my armor. You'd think by now I would learn that is wrong. I am getting there and I am at the point where I am getting my armor back on and fixing the holes and places where I have let it get wore out. Now let me tell on myself a little bit, so recently I very much found myself in the middle of this hallway and I had gotten pushed down. And I was trying to pray my way through but I did start out a little better than I usually do in that I tried to reach out to someone but when they was willing to help I stupidly reverted back to listening to those lies and fears that was surrounding me in the hallway and tried to push people away. Not gonna lie I thought at one point I really had succeeded in pushing them away. Which worried me cause I didn't want that to happen. So I had a moment where, one of those where you have found just enough fight because you know trying to walk through this hallway it can wear you out and sometimes wear you out quickly. But I found just enough to have my shut up, just shut up and it quieted the voices just enough so I didn't have my breakdown at that moment and that I could still try not to dig the hole deeper but try to get out. It was also at this point that I realized if I didn't succeed in pushing them away I needed to talk. I needed help cause I had gotten knocked down, and it was a pretty hard push and the lies and fears was crowding in not leaving me any room to let me be able to get back up. That's how it felt anyway. You know it's kind of like the buddy system, I've overheard groups of kids or people and they will ask the kids have you got your buddy. As I always say, I go to and rely on God first but to be honest there are times where I may feel like my prayers aren't getting through, or I just find myself in that hallway overwhelmed and honestly I forget to pray. Here's my problem when things happen I shut down and I shut people out. That's the honest to goodness truth. But thankfully I am learning I can't do it alone and thankfully God is always there and He has placed people in my life that have seriously amazing patience and won't let me push them away and stick around to help me get through the hallway. Cause I really don't want to go back in the cocoon, I really do want to fly. But I said all that to get to this which is that for everything there is a season and a purpose. Just like even right now you can see signs of leaves coming back flowers breaking through the ground, the song of the birds. I love spring (autumn is a very, very close second) because spring to me means hope and reminds me every year that though it got cold, it was gray and bleak looking, the season passed and the beauty and life came back to the flowers and trees and every year it seems more beautiful and worth the wait. So I don't know how long the season may last for what you are going through I don't know how long it will take for me to get through this hallway but we'll make it, eh? I may have to reach out a lot to those that are willing to lend a hand to help me and remind me that God is there and they are there to help too. Because we may get knocked down and what knocked us down may think they have won but we're not knocked out, may feel close but we'll get back up. May be staggering for a bit getting my footing back up but I'm getting back up. I got some flying to do. And I am going to soar!