Hello Old Friend

Habits are a tricky thing aren't they? I mean they can become something to help and make you have  better life or it can end up being something on the flip side and hindering you. Some habits you may not even realize you have until maybe it's pointed out or one day you just catch it yourself and realize just how much you do said habit. Me personally I have a lot of mostly nervous fidgets and habits. I don't know how long it takes to break a bad habit or create a new habit but I think (hope and pray may be more accurate) that I'm at least  somewhere in the middle of breaking the old and creating new and better habits. You know what's funny, sometimes frustrating ,about trying to break bad habit or just move forward in general? It can be difficult at times to see how much progress you are truly making, many times it can feel like you aren't making progress or am I the only one that does that? I have this sneaky little voice that likes to point out how much farther I still have to go and tries to quiet the voice that says how far I have made it. Fear and lies all it is. I've written about this before but it's like that book 'The Monster at the End of This Book: Starring Lovable, Furry Old Grover' (still one of my favorite books along with Horton Hears a Who and some more). In the book Grover keeps trying to get you to not turn the page because someone said there was a monster at the end of the book and the closer you get to the end the more Grover panics because he doesn't want to see the monster. At the end there is no scary monster it's just lovable, furry old Grover nothing to be afraid of at all. I am like Grover and I haven't quite got to end of the book to realize that there is nothing to be afraid of but I think I have an advantage over Grover cause I don't have to wait until I get to the end of the book to realize that. I'm somewhere between yay, I've made it three weeks without biting or picking my fingernails and oh no I'm trying to push people away again. So I find myself at in interesting place in my book. Do I do like I normally would at this part of my book (actually to be honest I've never gotten this far in my book due to what I'm about to write) and do I close the book and hide it away or do I turn the page? I think it's time to turn the page because what is behind all of these doors or what will be on the next page will not necessarily be scary or bad it could be good. And the good thing is I don't have to finish the book by myself (if I haven't pushed people away to many times, so sorry to those I do that too, momentarily listen to the fear and lie that I can't get close to people and I freak out when I realize how close I am getting. I'll turn the page from that lie too.). Maybe you are in the beginning, middle or really close to seeing that monster at the end of your book. Maybe you're like me and are stuck on a page afraid to read on debating closing the book. I think I got this part of the story memorized and it's time to read on and see what the next page has in store because I may not know what all will unfold in the rest of the story but I know that whatever it is will be worth it because there are some good things that are going to happen on the pages I haven't gotten to yet and well I'll never get to my happy ending if I don't turn the page, because in the end I do believe it will be a happy ending, but I got some reading to do before I get there.