In my car I have certain radio stations preset so I can get to them quickly - some days I just can't find a song and so I either hit the skip button, try my luck with a CD, or just give up and turn the radio off. That one is a last ditch effort cause I like to listen to music. It's nice to have a soundtrack to go with the random thoughts.
The other day I noticed that one of the stations I had preset wasn't the same station anymore, it was completely different so I had to do some resetting and I'm still not quite used to the change.
One more pointless thing to know about me and I will get to my point but while I'm working I will listen to Pandora (I have to work from home so my only interaction with talking to people is via email and occasionally sending a text to a friend...or two.) It seems that I hear the same songs every day, no real change and some days you hear the same song multiple times in the same day.
Where am I going with this? I am so glad you asked. I have no idea! No, I have a general idea but I have been struggling with being able to write anything at all so I'm trying to just ignore the not so nice thoughts and just write. Which is actually a good lead into what I am hoping to say, or what I think I am trying to say. Recently at my church they had a thing called Brunch with the Broken and there was three people that gave their testimonies and it was a way to help people know that they aren't alone and no matter how broken you're never to broken. And someone said sometimes we all need to know that we're not alone in whatever we're facing. I very much 100% agree with that, it's something that I am quite passionate about actually I just haven't figured out what to do with that to further help others. And I thought how often do we really stand by that though - I don't think I do a good job at it some days. I may be wrong but I think we would be surprised at just what the person we sit next to in the pew, on the bus, or a very dear friend may be going through and we have no idea. I also think we would be surprised at how much it would truly mean to really ask how someone is doing, send them a funny meme, send a hey how are you text or send a letter saying how much that person means to you maybe even ask hey do you want to go grab a cup of coffee or something. But getting a bit ahead of myself. We all have bad days, we all have fears and doubts that we thought we had conquered that try to come back for another round of fighting, we all are stories. We all have been broken but we're not garbage. I have those radio stations set on my preset on my radio in my car. I had got used to which station went with which button until recently I had to change it. Sometimes life is like that be it things against our control or sometimes we finally have a moment of this is not where I'm supposed to be I need to move forward so we have to do some changing of the preset buttons. Sometimes we have to change some of those negative thoughts we have been told by ourselves or others about ourselves that isn't true, some of them are fears and doubts, even not being able to trust others or let others in. Changing them is sometimes easy but remembering them isn't always easy. It was easy for me to change that one button to be a preset for another radio station - remembering that it's now 98.1 instead of 101.5 has proven to be a bit more trickier and difficult to get to used. And just like some days Pandora plays the same songs and I get tired of hearing them. And some days I just can't find a song I want to listen to.
What I'm trying to say is don't be afraid to change the preset, you're not a failure because you messed up. You're not forever broken because you had a moment of an old lie, fear or doubt paralyzing you and causing you to hide or to be afraid that someone in your life is going to leave. You just forgot that the preset was changed and the same old song played before you could remember that this preset button is how important you are, that it reminds you that you have overcome, that you are moving forward. Some days are just plain difficult, not every day will be perfect but don't let that make you stop or try to reset the preset to those old lies because the station that you are playing now, that's the song you have always supposed to have been playing. I mentioned about the same songs being played and some days it just gets really old there are some days that I could listen to the same song on repeat for several times. I am learning I have to be careful which song I listen to - I'm not talking about a real song on Pandora - but my songs, those that help me remember who I am, that I am an overcomer, that I am moving forward and just that joyful song that is some days still afraid to play or be heard but little by little note by note it is being played and one day it will be played in full and at a very loud volume so many others will hear it and that will be amazing. I'm calling it now there will be laughter, tears and both at the same time. Some days those old nagging songs like to try to play again. Those lies of you can't let anyone in they'll just leave, you're a bother, you don't matter, you're to quiet to ever make a difference, you'll never write that book, etc. Some days I won't lie I leave it on that station for to long be it because that is what I have known for so long or sometimes I think I am afraid to change the station, what if it's even worse than this one. Don't be afraid to change the station. Don't ever be afraid to sing another song because to many of us for way to long have been singing and listening to the wrong song. When we find our song though - it's a beautiful and amazing thing.
One last thought if you don't mind. It has rained a lot in Kentucky. To the point of I bet if anyone is named Noah and they live here someone has at least once asked them if they got the Ark built yet because we gonna need. This past Saturday shockingly it was raining and I am on my way to somewhere and decide I think if I can hurry I will have enough time to stop at McDonald's and not be late to where I was heading. I pull in and I know I am parking in a puddle - at this point it's a miracle to not find or see a puddle. I step out of my vehicle and I say whoa that's cold and I look down and realize the puddle is a bit deeper than I thought it was. This isn't where I have a well that's just great my day is ruined moment, quite the opposite actually because I love splashing puddles so that was my excuse to go ahead and not worry how much I stomped and splashed while walking through the puddle. Go in get my food and am back to my car when I am standing in the puddle right next to the door and look down and realize the puddle is deeper, as in probably three quarters of my shoe is under water while I am standing there. In those few seconds the thought of deep waters came to mind quickly followed by yup that is still cold. As I am driving I am still thinking about deep waters and how sometimes we will be going through something and it doesn't seem that bad until we take one step and realize oh no this is deeper water than I thought or even realized. Sometimes we aren't prepared for those deep waters and some times we think we won't survive them. But you can and you will I'm not going to say it will be easy or fun. You may be left with some really wet and smelly socks and shoes! But you got this and please just in case anyone reading this is like me, please don't be afraid to reach out to someone be it a hotline specifically for what you are going through, an online friend or someone you see and know in your personal life. And if you are one of those people that someone reaches out to please don't brush their feelings aside sometimes I think we all get in to big of a hurry and don't want to take an extra minute to show that person that we meant it when we said we would help them whether that is listening or helping them find other needed resources or just going and doing something together to get away from the screen that we hold in our hand. Sometimes it may call for some hard truth and some tough love also and that's okay because whether we see it at the time or not it's still showing that the person is there for us and that they do love us. I know people have lives and we can't always depend on others but don't be afraid to be there for others and don't be afraid to let others help you. I always say we never meet anyone by accident and I believe God places people in our lives and sometimes those people are used to remind us that God is always there - always and sometimes God uses those people to remind us that it's okay to let people in and it's to let God in too.
I almost forgot and I think this will be a good thing to use to end this. I said when I stepped in the puddle I thought about deep waters but brushed it off as i silly thought until later when I just so happened to see a verse.
When you go through deep waters, I will be with you.
When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown.
When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.
Isaiah 43:2
