Love Broke Through

"Turtles feel your love when you pet their shells. They can't feel your fingers, but love goes through anything."
~ Andrew Watson (Age 9)

I saw this on a page on Facebook. You know sometimes when we grow up we make things so complicated and spend to much time trying to find the perfect advice, to word it just right, or don't ever even say it cause we're afraid of the reaction. That's when you just so happen to stumble across something a nine year old kid said and you think well there you go. It really is that simple isn't it.

I am not the best at accepting or probably even showing love. And can I be honest, sometimes those old fears of rejection and abandonment pop up and I forget the truth and get busy pushing people away and building walls up. Yes I let my fear become bigger than my faith. I lose hope. I focus on the mistake. I feel like a failure. I feel like Peter in the Bible. That moment when he realized he did indeed deny Christ three times and he as soon as that last denial was spoken he heard the rooster crow.

Can you imagine how Peter felt? I think I know all to well. I imagine if you could go back in time and see Peter's face his eyes got big and you could see the realization spread across his face. You could see the fear of oh no what have I done to the remorse and sincere apologies and repentance for what he did. And Peter was immediately forgiven but I don't think Peter forgave himself that easily. And I love how Jesus specifically takes the time and talks to Peter. He assures him that he still loves him, he has been forgiven and yeah you messed up but you're gonna be restored.

I wonder if after the three times Peter denied him he focused so much on those failings and how he had told Jesus that Lord you know I love you I am ready and willing to go to prison and death with you. And if he beat himself over that so much that he forgot what Jesus said to him...And the Lord said, “Simon, Simon! Indeed, Satan has asked for you, that he may sift you as wheat.  But I have prayed for you, that your faith should not fail; and when you have returned to Me, strengthen your brethren ( Luke 22: 31-32). I wonder this because if I focus on my failures and fears I can't hardly hear or remember the truth and I think Peter would have found great encouragement in remembering what Jesus told him.

Jesus never said well I just wasted my time asking you to follow me. He knew what would happen and He prepared Peter without him even realizing it at the time. Peter was so focused on I'll do anything for you Lord, I would never do these things. Yeah Peter about that, never say never. I always say Peter was the first recorded instance of why you should never say never. But I ain't putting Peter down. I've been right there. Now I love two things specifically that Jesus told Peter. One He said he prayed for Peter. He prayed his faith would not fail - now I imagine after his betrayal Peter felt like a failure - that his faith had failed that Jesus would never love him the same, nothing would be the same again with his relationship with Jesus. But Jesus also told him before he even denied him that Peter would be return. He didn't say if, didn't say well if you do his work and this then maybe I mean I may think about it. Nope. He said when. When you return to Me.

And I find great encouragement in that. I have let down God many times. I have let down others. I have gotten scared and tried to push people away. Because I am convinced I have done to much now. Why in the world would God forgive me again? Why would someone be willing to still let me stick around? Love. God loves me. And God has placed people in my life that love me and He placed people that will encourage me, pray for me and hold me accountable that I think will even help me see things without the distorted view I have for so long seen myself and how to walk - now I have he most responsibility to accomplish this I know but sometimes we need help too.

So in John 21 Peter jumps out of the boat to get to the land when they see Jesus there. And in this chapter (verses 15-19) Jesus asks Peter three times do you love me. Now by the time he asks Peter the third time do you love me Peter is hurt. Here I imagine he is remided of the three times he denied Jesus, perhaps shame is reeking big time and maybe the lies are starting to whisper see Jesus doesn't even believe you was truly repentant, you wasn't sorry, you'll just mess up again, you are such a failure. But Peter also I think has a moment of his pride gets taken down too and sometimes we need that. Our pride can hinder us. And he is humbled. So he doesn't answer Jesus like he may have at one point, Lord I love you more than any other. By this third time he says Lord you know all things - Lord can't you see, surely you can see that I love you. Peter is dying to self and finding a deeper love and reliance, a stronger relationship with the Lord.

So what I find very hopeful in all of this is that yeah I mess up. I push people away, I fail at loving people, I let pride get in the way. I fall. A lot. But sometimes I have to fall to get my pride stripped away. To be humbled. To be reminded I am not perfect but I am still loved.

I had this picture in my head last night as I was struggling to go to sleep because I messed up and was really worried I messed up beyond fixing it. And I don't know why I have this image but I picture this flower in a box, wilted down then the box gets open and the flower gets some light and it lifts its head just a bit. Now it's been planted in new ground and a butterfly comes up to it and it lifts its head a little more. What is this creature talking to a wilted, worthless flower like me but the butterfly reminds the flower it is loved and soon the flower is growing and standing tall and the butterfly is still there and they are friends that help each other and remind each other how they matter.

Some days I am the flower. Some days I am the butterfly. Some days you think you messed up to much but love goes through anything - even a turtles shell.