Tuesday, December 13, 2016

(Almost) Goodbye 2016, (Almost) Hello 2017

I know I said I wasn't going to do a year in review type post but it's been a pretty interesting year and those don't happen to often for me so I guess why not go ahead and write a little. Plus I just want to write. As usual part of this post is I guess inspired by a status I recently wrote on Facebook. To recap that, I recently had a memory pop up quite randomly of a teacher back in sixth grade who when practicing for an awards ceremony she came up to me and asked if I would do something for her at the ceremony and of course I panicked thinking I was in trouble but she said when you go to get your award will you walk with your head held up. I honestly couldn't tell if you if I really did walk with my head held up that day or not, I think it would be safe to say I at least tried my best to. Some twenty or so years later and I have had many times where I have literally and figuratively walked with my head down and I was also reminded to walk in a room with my head held up - that is quite difficult to do, just saying. And that all actually does have something to do with my year in review. The beginning of the year, well to be honest it was the same ol' same as far as my personal walk. I however early on had deemed 2016 the year of concerts because I was very fortunate to get to go to some of the best concerts ever this year and some dream concerts that I never, ever thought would happen. Kind of silly to have dream and never, ever thought would happen in the same sentence isn't it? I guess that's kind of how 2016 and so many other years honestly had started and usually ended for me. I'd start the year so hopeful and thinking this will be the year I move forward and I find out who I am and such but somewhere along the road I would get lost in that never, ever section. I am not one to make resolutions because I never complete them, kudos to those of you that do, but had a resolution at the beginning of this year one of them would be just to survive the year (!) but it would have been wanting to move forward. As I said the first half of the year, nothing to brag about personally, I actually found myself lost in my head and stuck in that never, ever section. But I remember several times praying and more honestly and sincerely than possibly ever just asking for help. And again as I say you don't meet anyone by accident and I think oftentimes God uses people and He places people in your life to help you and helps show you and remind you of just who God is. See I'm the worst at asking for help from God and people, I am great at listening to others and hopefully good at being there for them but reverse that and it's a big fail on my part. So the first half of 2016, awesome concerts (that continued throughout the whole year), some random road trips, just trudging along. Then comes the second half of the year. Have you ever prayed for something or just wanted something (if you ain't the praying type) so long and so much but you honestly begin to wonder if it will ever happen and dare I say you even wonder if God heard any of the prayers you said? I had one of those moments, well truthfully it is one of those things that has been carried over year after year. Now this may be one of those times people would be like see that's why I don't believe in God or whatever but even in that I have learned something because I think over the years I know God heard me and I think He was maturing me and getting me to the place I needed to be spiritually, emotionally and stuff and to ultimately meet the people I needed to. And I don't really know how or why it came about or why I sent whatever I wrote in a particular message the day I sent it. But I remember getting a reply not at all what I was expecting but they said they would meet with me and talk and try to help work through these things. Not gonna lie I had a major wait, what moment again and thought God are you really answering a prayer, you were really listening (of course He was, He always does). So I finally came to the right time for me to really truly have the opportunity to figure out how to take the time and work on me because I have neglected taking care of me and I've spent most of my life wearing masks and just going through the motions. But thank God that this last half of 2016 has found me tearing walls down, figuring out and accepting who I am (in God and because of God which has helped me figure out who I am in general), and I have just grown all the way around. Funny to say that I'm thirty two and saying I have grown but I hope to never stop growing and improving and always striving to be who I am. Because ultimately I think my story has helped prepare me for such a time as this and I'm not saying the last half of 2016 has been completely perfect. In fact, if I'm honest I just found myself lost in that never, ever section of my head but again thank God that He is always there and I can go to Him anytime and I have to thank Him for some people that He placed in my life that have been there to help remind me when I get to far in that forest of lies and God uses them to help me. So here's to all the walls that have been torn down, the lessons learned, the tears and laughter, to all the friends and people that have walked the journey through the year with me ( a most sincere thank you to each of you), and here's a big thank you to God for all you have done and continue to do. May yours and mine last couple of weeks of 2016 be good and I pray each of you all that read this have an amazing 2017. Can't wait to see what ramblings I get to write about next year.

But Joseph replied, “Don’t be afraid of me. Am I God, that I can punish you? You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people.
-Genesis 50: 19-20 (NLT)

(I read this in a devotional earlier today and it just hit home a bit. When I get to heaven I want to meet Joseph, his story has helped me a great deal, more than I ever imagined how it could truthfully.)

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