Thankful...yesterday, today and tomorrow

November - the month of thankfulness and if you have a Facebook account you no doubt see friends that write something they are thankful for each day. About this time is usually when those begin to stop showing up for whatever reason. Considering what has been showing up lately in my newsfeed those days of thankfulness have been a welcome sight this year. I need as many happy, thank God there are still good people out there stories as I can to counter the banter, blame game and all of the negativity that if I'm honest sometimes feels like it's winning. I saw a picture recently that was about giving compliments to the stranger you pass (or even someone you know) because life can be difficult and people can be mean and you don't know just how much that compliment could mean to someone because you don't know what they are going through. I like to think I've made a difference, however small by doing this, but I can't say. I can however say I know this to be true because it has happened to me. Point being you just don't know what the stranger you pass or even your friend you're sitting next to is going through and it doesn't cost you a thing to give a compliment that could give them the encouragement or smile that has been eluding them. Tearing people down is easy. Take the game Jenga for example set the game up and with a quick push the blocks tumble to the floor but to set the game back up again it takes a little longer to get the blocks straightened out and stacked back up. People are like those blocks when they've been knocked down it can take a little while to get them stacked back up. So why be so quick to knock those blocks (people) down why not do everything we can to keep them standing. Maybe I'm wrong or weird or both and so much more but I just think now, perhaps more than ever, one should take that breath that you was going to knock someone down with and try to build someone up, to encourage them.

Now back to the days of thankfulness. I've decided to include a short list of my own of what I'm thankful for not only for the month of November but yesterday, today and every tomorrow I live to see. I'm thankful for everyone I've met and everyone that is in my life because each and everyone has helped me in some way whether you know it or ever realized it. Though at the time I'm not very thankful I am thankful and grateful for every storm I've went through because it helped me see that it is okay to open up and trust people, it helped and continues to help my faith grow stronger and thus far I have won every fight though I've not escaped all of them without some scars but that doesn't make me weak it just reminds me that with God, perseverance, and a few good friends this to shall pass. I'm thankful for those friends that somehow put up with me even when I tend to try to hide or just get lost and don't stay in contact with them as well as I probably should. I'm thankful for my health, job, food, home and all of the places I've been fortunate to travel to. I'm thankful for how much I've matured and grown over the years and for the opportunity to continue on this path for I may not know where all of the unseen turns are going to take me it's a ride some aren't fortunate enough to take or ride for as long as I have. So to everyone that has had a part in my journey I most sincerely thank you but most importantly I thank God.

Laughing in the Dark

One of my favorite comedians is Chonda Pierce who recently released a documentary titled Laughing in the Dark (it will be showing for one day only again on November 17th and you may want to pre-buy the tickets if you want to see it because they sold out fast for the showing on October 27th). It's basically a bit of her comedy routine and then you get a little more in depth look at the stories behind her jokes and her life. She states in the documentary that it was originally supposed to be showing how a comedian can keep things clean and things like that but life had other plans. She lost her mom and husband of 31 years within a span of two years, she has depression (at one point in her career she had to take a break because the struggle with the disease was just to much to handle along with keeping up with her career.). She also talks about how her career came at a price of great sacrifices. To not completely spoil the movie in case you go see it in the theater in November or rent/buy the DVD whenever it may be released I will just say that I truly appreciate her honesty not only in the documentary but in her shows and even in what she posts on her Facebook page. There are a couple more things I do want to bring out about the movie and I promise I'll try to wrap this up. The movie was filmed off and on over a span of four years and at one point it shows Chonda talking about the season she was/is in and she said something that really struck me. It was along the lines of this season is not fun and she said I don't like it, I don't have to like it I just have to survive it. I'm not a big hugger but that was one of a few moments that I thought if I could I would give you a hug and thank you for saying that. Let me tell you why. Because I believe to often we somehow got this notion that we have to 1)act like everything is okay ALL of the time, 2) we seem to think we either deserve what we're going through and/or have to like it or just deal with it. And all of that is complete and utter rubbish. You're not going to like everything about the various seasons one goes through in life and some of them will just be terrible and seem like it will never end. Don't be hard on yourself if that happens, sometimes you just have to go through various stages to get through that season. Be it talking to someone, praying, writing out your frustrations or whatever you use to cope with things. Just like if you are climbing an actual mountain there are varying elevations and elements that you are going to encounter and the mountains of life are no different. Sometimes you have to rest and sometimes you have to change routes or change how you approach the climb. And sometimes you're not going to like the climb and that's okay you just got to survive it even if that means at one point you think you are going to be climbing on hands and knees to the top of that mountain you just keep telling yourself I will survive this. Last, or one of the last things I'll at least write about, that she said that really made an impact was when she talked about how she got to a point where she just had to believe that God really was always there and wouldn't leave and would carry her (that's the basics not word for word obviously). Then after she made the couple statements of what she finally had to believe she said I may not always feel it but I always believe it. Because there are going to be days you won't feel like that is the case but never stop believing. See sometimes I think, specifically Christians get to focused on giving the churchy answer and making the outside look perfect when the inside is dying because for whatever reason the person may not have anyone they can go to and just say will you pray for me or whatever. Somehow along the lines it seems like saying your a Christian became you have to be and have to put on the front that everything is perfect and you are okay all of the time when that's not what being a Christian is. But I suppose I should keep all of that opinion for another time so back to that always believing thing. See I really like that because, and do please forgive the long drawn out analogy, but it's like being on that mountain and slipping. Now you are on the edge and quickly losing your grip. Not really feeling like there is a way out, eh? But somewhere deep down you still believe that it's going to be okay and you're hanging on to that belief when suddenly you see a rope that you can grab on to and use to help get a better standing and have something to hold on to that will help lead you back to sturdy ground. Because hanging on to that belief even when you don't feel it that is true faith in my opinion. Lastly, if you are that person that has a hard day or is going through a difficult season (or even has depression, anxiety, etc.) I hope that you have at least one person you can go to and talk to, have them pray for you, call a hotline where you can talk to someone if you don't want to tell it to someone you know just please know you are not alone and that you do matter. If you know someone that deals with this obviously it affects everyone differently but sometimes maybe you shouldn't just assume they are okay and sometimes we all at one point need to know that someone is there. So I say if you happen to be thinking of that person call, email, or text and just say you was thinking about them or if you pray well pray for them and let them know I was just thinking about you, how are you I've been praying for you...whatever, who knows that message may just be the rope that is thrown over for them to grab on to.

For Such A Time As This

For everything there is a season,  a time for every activity under heaven...
 Ecclesiastes 3:1

You ever see something and then before you realize it you are seeing that something quite frequently. Kind of like how you never see, or hardly ever, see a car like you have until you get that car and then you notice the exact same vehicle constantly. Sometimes I do that with other things like that bible verse. Actually, now that I think about it there are a few bible verses that seem to be popping up quite frequently which are the previously mentioned one, the one referencing for such a time as this (Esther 4:14) and the one that states God makes everything beautiful in its time (Ecclesiastes 3:11). Two things I can take from this 1) I have to much time to focus on things...over think, okay I have to much time to over think 2) funny how these all have something to do with seasons and time. I'm one to believe that everything happens for a reason, things happen when they are supposed to (sometimes delayed due to our own actions or those of others but in the long run it can still generally be seen that there was a reason for that and it ended up happening at the right time), and that sooner or later the truth will always be found. The truth is out there - as the X-Files so often said (speaking of which anyone else excited to see the new episodes next year?) I think sometimes one can become like Rip Van Winkle in a way that one becomes idle, lazy, comfortable what-have-you and we stay in seasons longer than was the original plan or one is busy 'sleeping' and miss his/her for such a time as this moment. I'm personally also learning to not be to harsh on myself if/when I do realize I overslept in a season or missed an opportunity to get me closer to that destination for such a time as this. Call it a pop quiz I wasn't prepared for but remember the lesson and try to be ready next time. Not that I always handle it that well but I try.  Back at the end of August I got  to go to Air1 Positive Hits tour (not sure if I wrote about it or not because I get lots of thoughts and ideas and write them out in my head but never get around to getting them typed out here or written down in a notebook/journal). Anyway, it was by far one of the best concerts I have ever been fortunate enough to get to go to. A couple of things have stuck with me since that day. One being how we are all different yet so much alike. For example NF told a bit of his background and I can relate to several of his lyrics yet how we got there is different but if you think about it at the center of it fear, lies and a few other terrible tasting ingredients can be found. Another thing was toward the end of the show, actually I think it was the last song Crowder sang and ended the show with he said something that kind of stuck. I won't get it right word for word cause that was a couple of months ago but he said something along the lines of if you all could see what I am seeing from here on this stage. Which, as weird as it sounds, truly amazed me because here I am in this room of hundreds of people not knowing their stories but to think and somewhat get a glimpse or an idea of how we all are going through some type of season on our way to such a time as this. No doubt on that stage Crowder saw people raising their hands some with tears in their eyes, some maybe standing there with their eyes closed in prayer telling God I don't know how or why I'm going through this or someone I know is going through this but I know you are still there and for that I thank you or maybe, just maybe one of those songs that was sang that night reminded someone to not give up and they finally felt a ray of hope that had been alluding them. See I don't know or truly understand what season I am at right now but I know that I am here and I am who I am right now for such a time as this. 

I once had a thought...I think

Comparison is the thief of joy - Theodore Roosevelt

Comparison is like a ninja and will have stolen your joy and so much more before you can even realize it if one isn't careful. Why do we even compare our path with others anyway? All it does is cause one to get so caught up in all one is not and before long you are blinded to see all that you are. It makes you feel like you aren't good enough, not where you should be in life, you start to feel overlooked, unimportant and oh look now we have got boxed in with all of these lies and the truth of who you are is but a very dim light that seems to be fading quickly.

It's been so long and I've had so many, and I do mean many, ideas and thoughts of what I wanted to write that I'm not even sure if that was all I was going to write of the previous paragraph and if I was going to add more I have no idea what it could have been. With that being said (typed?) I'll go ahead and leave that, who knows I may come back to it before I finish this post up. I have no idea actually where to go from here so I guess just a typing we shall go and see where this path leads. This post sure is taking forever to write, I may have something decent by the end of September at this rate!

However, back to the comparison thought I originally started with (yeah I think I finally sort of remembered where I was going with the thought.) I find it somewhat sad that I (can't fairly say we since don't know if whoever reads this fits into this or not) but I sometimes get so busy comparing myself to others that I can forget we all have a lot in common if you think about it. Sometimes one can eadily get stuck on the comparison train, that thing will make you sick cause it just goes in circles and gets you no where. Seriously though if you listen you can constantly hear how people consciously or not compare themselves to others. When to some degree and at some point we are all fighting the same battle(s) or at least to get some of the same goals. Have you ever listened, really listened not just to reply but to hear the tiredness or excitement in a persons voice. I guess the point I wanted to make is not to spend so much time focused on the outside and filling in the blanks of a persons life when 1) you can take the time and listen to get the right answers to those fill in the blanks 2) we generally all have a lot more in common than we either want to admit or dare to see and 3) there's a purpose for the very road you are taking might not be the one you think you want or even deserve and you may be right on both accounts but the road of the person you compare yourself to well there may have been parts that person had to go where no road was and pave it maybe it was dirt or gravel for a long time but you are just seeing the freshly paved and painted road. Who knows that might be the very person that helps you figure out the easier way to get passed a big pot hole in your own road.

A few last random thoughts and I think I can call this post finished. Have you ever had to open an old file and pull out a piece of advice someone gave you or maybe from something you read? I have to do that sometimes but there are times the advice seemingly pops in my mind or I'll see something that off the wall makes me think of that bit of advice not even really realizing I needed it or that it could help with something I may be dealing with. That has happened a couple of times recently. And once again one time me randomly (as in getting out of my car just looking down at the driveway random) I found a feather (which is weird at how it makes me smile and reminds me of a couple of things I guess) and then a few things that people have told me. I know you think I'm not listening, okay sometimes I really may not be, but I for the most part am listening and taking as well as appreciating the help or advice. Funny random thought sometimes I get stuck on listening to a particular song for days, listening to other songs too but always going back to that one and hitting repeat A LOT! I've done that for the past couple of weeks on one song and wouldn't you know the singer still gets the lyrics wrong! Kidding but one would think if I listen to a song as much as I have this one I'd more than easily have the correct lyrics memorized. Repeating songs and the same topics on here are things I do to often perhaps. I don't know songs can be good with my version of the lyrics too, at least fun. Lucky you, assuming you've read this far, will get spared reading about this latest series I'm reading. To much to write to really get into, hopefully I do get around to it though. Until then don't let others in the driver seat of your life and be careful who you let sit in the passengers seat but don't ignore the people in the backseat
or at the stops I'm a firm believer in that there's a purpose for those we meet and are lucky enough to get to ride with on this ride called life.

Where is the restart button?

Sometimes a computer or phone freezes or for another particular reason you find that you have to restart the device. (or Pandora as is the case for me today) I think people are like that too I just can't find my restart button. Don't you just hate when that happens (with the devices and with yourself as well)? I hate feeling stuck. Being stuck gives me way to much time to think, as if I need more of that. Being stuck gives my frienemy an opportunity to find a way to sneak in (and no I'm not talking about someone who acts like your friend but is in reality an enemy though I suppose it could fit too but more about depression, anxiety, feeling overwhelmed, things like that I suppose.) I think those moods actually use those stuck moments to hack in to your system if you will. And just like how it can be a pain to get the virus removed from the device or a few restarts to get the device running correctly a person can also be like that (not saying that things like depression and anxiety are or are not ever completely removed because that's not even on par with that comparison but just making the point it can take a bit for a person dealing with those kinds of issues to get back to feeling like them again.) Granted being stuck isn't always a bad thing or somewhere you find yourself in a negative or just not fun place. Sometimes it's like when I go hiking/walking and I get so focused on getting to the destination or proving that I can make it without stopping that I don't see anything around me or realize just how much I need to stop until I'm about to fall down from exhaustion. It is in that moment where I don't think I can take another step and find a place to sit down that I remind myself to take the time to focus on the scenery, the sounds and just breath...restart if you will. Maybe that's the restart button. In those times you feel stuck it's actually a gift to give you a chance to breathe and regain focus and composure not to destroy you like some of those thoughts will have you believe. You ever notice those kinds of thoughts are like the ads on television, radio and internet and are extremely loud and are usually the ones where you can't change the channel (less likely) or have the skip ad button (more likely) or by the time you can do either the damage has been done and the thought (ad) is already almost over. Whether those thoughts are loud are whispered one thing is for certain they are the biggest liars of them all. The ones that keep you from finding that restart button, make you start doubting, try to keep you from holding on to your faith, the ones when they are defeated or quieted you don't take the victory for granted. A couple of times fairly recently and close together I saw a post on Facebook that said something along the lines of when I'm feeling (insert mood here) and people tell me to just get over it I want to hit them in the legs with a baseball bat and tell them to just walk it off. I found it funny because I imagine the majority of people have been there. It also got me thinking and this is probably so off target it could be landing in another continent but I'll write it anyway. It kind of goes back to the finding the restart button and the finally having to sit down bit you just read. The majority of the time I believe people have good intentions by saying just get over it maybe they're trying to keep you from getting to far down the hole and they think that's a rope to help. In my often times seeing things from a ridiculous amounts of sides here's where my thoughts went. Sometimes we try to get someone to get up not realizing what load they've been carrying and for how long they've been walking and that they just now got set down. They need a chance to unload some things and may I add if you are that friend that the person decided to unload a few things on don't cut them off with the whole it will get better. Sometimes they may need reminding but sometimes they just need to vent. Now you get the people that just like to dump on you by all means set your limits with those, no need of getting yourself covered in a big heap of stuff, or just don't get taken advantage of. Then there are times you'll find someone sitting to long, getting a bit to comfortable, which is a whole other level of being stuck. It's these times that you may have to pull the okay this is enough of this card because as often as people need that break and to be able to get rid of a few things they need the push, or restart since we're focusing on that, to get them going again otherwise they may not. Every person and situation is obviously different but what is the same is that we all do sometimes get stuck or forget to take a break and just need to restart. I'll end with this quote that I stumbled across and the thought of unplug and restart as many times as it takes, stop to regain your focus, faith, breath (all of the above and then some even) because there's nothing wrong with that or with how often you have to do so. It doesn't mean you're broken or not normal quite the opposite I think. With that here is the quote:

Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes...including you
- Anne Lamott

If there ever was a point...this probably isn't it.

Was recently watching an episode of Running Wild with Bear Grylls and at one point he said something along the lines of when people get to the descending part of their journey they not only get tired and just ready for it to be over but they get complacent and that's when they make most of their mistakes. Kinda that way with life it sometimes seems. Get to the top of that metaphorical mountain and start the journey down on to the next mountain or maybe on the climb up you get complacent or for other reasons that may make you momentarily lose focus so you may make a small or major mistake. But mistakes can happen sometimes when you take extreme cautions, I suppose got to have both to grow and take chances just got to make sure one doesn't get to complacent. Earlier in the evening I was thinking how sometimes it seems like taking a step, or two backwards has somewhat of a negative outlook with people. But should it always? Take this extreme scenario: you are on the edge of a mountain a leg raised ready to take another step. Using the always move forward theory could send you quite literally over the edge. In this case taking a step back could save your life. Sometimes you got to take a step back to get your bearings, take a few more back to build momentum so you can make it over the obstacle, side step so you can better control your balance or just walk forward. The point is keep moving, don't get complacent.

A feather. A random sentence, yes, but one with a point. Oftentimes over the years I would seemingly randomly find a feather. Generally it was at a time I was missing my grandma or just lost in my own thoughts. I've saved several of them (weird? probably but oh well). Anyway, I hadn't found any in a while but I got a package today and it had a letter that had a couple things that I guess I needed reminded of or just didn't think could apply to me. And one of the things that was also in the package, yes, a couple of feathers. This verse was also written:

He will cover you with his feathers. He will shelter you with his wings. His faithful promises are your armour and protection.
Psalm 91:4

It kind of brought on a whole new perspective of finding feathers. Does it mean there is anything more then a random feather? I don't know but sometimes it's nice to see something that makes you smile, encourages you or just reminds you that you can make it even if that reminder is a feather.

Do You Ever...

I've thought I had some thoughts I wanted to write on here, even had written a note or two so I wouldn't forget (and one I was sure I'd remember but is unfortunately long gone now) only to get stuck wrestling should I or shouldn't I, an area I find myself stuck in way to often. Oftentimes I get thinking and whatever I may be thinking I usually find myself having many 'do you ever moments' which can range from weird to well probably whatever is after weird. I won't write to many but here are a few that have rolled around in my mind recently.

Do you ever...

...just have a difficult time saying or writing your thoughts, finding just the right word(s) because I'm having that problem. Who am I kidding I almost always have trouble with that. I guess I put even to much thought on what to say and how to, got to word it just right, only to end up usually not getting the chance to say it or to get it all messed up.

...wonder how much better  it could be if we talked to people instead of about them? Hold out a helping hand instead of pointing an accusing finger.

...think maybe we should take that minute to say hi to the stranger you just passed (or smile, or just nod for my fellow people that may not find it easy to actually say hi). Or take a minute to call, text, write a letter to a friend, maybe someone you have been thinking about. Everyone is going through something, has a bad day or just needs to know they matter. I just think there is something about those seemingly rare people that ask how you are and when you say the normal good/fine they are like no really how are you and listen to your response.

...find yourself thinking about how you maybe should deal with something, what road to take, or maybe just being discouraged only to seem to find little things in the most random places or through people that encourage or help you find the answer. For example, today I saw at least three different times pictures or quotes or something that had to deal with not giving up. You ever get that little nudge that you need to tell someone something? Maybe it's because it's just what they need to hear and you are someone they will listen to and it will be there moment where the light bulb finally gets turned on...or maybe I'm just overthinking, again.

...wonder where Waldo is now?! (just thought I'd try to write a funny one)

Lastly I guess this does fall in the do you ever category but I'll just write it out like this. I was scrolling through my newsfeed on Facebook and saw where one of my elementary school teachers had passed away, of all the teachers I had this person always remained my absolute favorite teacher. She was the perfect example of a teacher. It's funny isn't it when I read the post I went searching in the memory bank and thought of a few things including the day several years ago when at a store  she somehow still remembered me and called out to me came over talked to me and hugged me. I even got the chance (and courage) to tell her she had always been my favorite and such a great teacher. I guess my whole point is things that can seem like nothing to you and no point in saying or doing that because it's so minute it won't matter just may be the very thing someone needs to see or hear. It's not always the loudest, most elaborate speech, or takes a lot of money or time to make a difference. The people that have helped me, encouraged me, or made some kind of impact on my life have done so in ways they would never even likely guess or imagine. I just want to spend time making sure I fill out and place good memory cards for people to be able to have and keep.


Do you ever get to the last sentence (or first) and think why did I just waste that time reading this, I'll never get that time back?