Hurt by Hurt

First if you haven't realized by now I am a quote fanatic as well as music and will often reference both...a lot. The title of this post is actually a song, it's Hurt by Hurt by Sonya Isaacs Yeary. Fantastic song, will add a video of it at the end if you so choose to listen to it. I actually found the song by accident on YouTube and it really resonated with me. I say it quite often but I love it when I can find a song that just speaks what you may be going through, or gives you that bit of hope that circumstances tried its best to steal and those words encouraged you and reminded you that it's all going to be okay. Maybe it's the listener and observer in me or maybe I'm just really weird I don't know. But words are powerful. They can build you up and they can tear you down others words as well as your own. However, that's kind of getting off point for what I want to write about. Bare with me cause this is going to start out sounding hopeless but it's not going to end that way. Actually at the time it. or should I say I, was hopeless. There's a line in the song that goes like this: Wounds that were silent wordless and cruel tore me apart and nobody saw how I died. Died inch by inch on the inside. Hurt by hurt the painful memories waiting in line. Hurt by hurt I built a wall one hurt at a time....that was me, word for word it was me. I'm a crier try my best not to cry in front of people but I most definitely am a crier, happy, sad, mad I'll cry. Which is what I did when I heard this song and it got to that line and I thought oh my word that's it, dear God that's exactly what I have felt for well over half of my life. And I remember thinking, hoping, praying that someway somehow all these hurts could be taken away. The load I had been carrying from the hurts to be lifted because I'm not in good shape literally and figuratively and carrying hurts and loads can wear a body and spirit down and wear it down quickly if you ain't mighty careful. Even more so when you try to do it all on your own. Trust me I know I do it way to often. Now we got the let's be honest part about these hurts part from the song shall we go to another part of the song. This line goes like this: Gentle as raindrops, welcome as morning after the darkness. Without a warning love broke right through invading my hurt. You watered my heart through my past and melted the barriers at last. Hurt by hurt the painful memories waiting in line. Hurt by hurt you healed them all one hurt at a time...So first time I heard the song and you know how I felt with the first verse and then it gets to this verse and I remember thinking Lord if that's possible how very much I would love for that to happen. Because you know after you carry a burden or hurt for so long at least the way I carried it one starts to wonder if the barriers can be crossed. Now can I tell you about this morning. I happened to be listening to some music on my phone on shuffle and this song was the one that was ready to play. Was listening to it and it got to that second verse and it just hit me and I thought wow my life is more in the second verse now I'm no longer stuck in that first verse. I still have hurts and problems I'm dealing with sure but to go from where I was when I first heard this song and all that I was carrying all the walls I had built up to now it's a 180 degree turn or well on my way to being a 180. You remember those commercials with the Kool-Aid man breaking through the walls and stuff it's almost felt like that. This morning when I heard the song especially that verse I laughed not in a mocking or just heard a funny joke laugh but a joyful laugh if that makes sense. Odd how there are so many different kinds of laughs and tears isn't it? I know a person that sometimes will laugh what I guess would be called a spirit filled laugh. Oh I love to hear her laugh in those moments, well anytime but something about that kind of laugh you can't help but smile. Kind of like those people that has a laugh that you may have no idea what is going on but when you hear their laugh you can't help but smile. Then of course there are those times that you see someone that has gone through so much and they still have a smile on their face and then one day you see them with a laugh, a real laugh that reaches their eyes and comes from the belly and oh how happy you are for them. You laugh with them and you smile and are just so happy for them. Sometimes they get that laugh and they still have the hurt, still have the problem but they were given that laugh, maybe that reminder or hope that they needed. Songs aren't the only things that seem to help be a reminder and say what I need to but can't say or just need to hear but books do that to and stories. And good old Joseph and his story keeps popping up and boy am I glad it does. Each time I read or am sent something about his story I learn something new or am reminded of something. I recently decided to read it again and can I point out a few verses from his story. As I've said before I spent a good part of my life thinking God hated me and wondering where He was if He cared. Won't go into it again of how I figured out how that was a lie and stuff but I will share these verses that if one reads the story of Joseph you can easily read right past it and not get. I do that often just get reading and just kind of skim over some sentences and such. So while reading the story of Joseph he has now been sold into slavery by his brothers can you imagine what all was going through Joseph's mind and how he was feeling - I would guess hurt, betrayed and rejected. Then I got to this verse Genesis 39:2 -- The Lord was with Joseph, and he was a successful man; and he was in the house of his master the Egyptian....then little later on in the chapter Joseph gets lied on and accused of something he didn't do and something that didn't even happen at least not the way it was told to Potiphar who in turn threw him in prison. Then you get to this verse: Genesis 39:21 -- But the Lord was with Joseph and showed him mercy, and He gave him favor in the sight of the keeper of the prison....maybe it was just me but reading those verses again and being reminded that just like with Joseph and during his times of betrayal, rejection, lies all of his hurts and setbacks God was with him. I know for me many times I have felt like God wasn't there but He was and after making it through I can look back and think oh yeah I can definitely see now how you was there God and how it's all worked or continuing to work out to take me somewhere (still not sure where all the stops and places I will go or things I will do but there's plenty of each for me to do I think). Last little thing about Joseph have you ever read to the part of his sons names? Actually if you have or haven't read the story you should just read the whole story of Joseph. If not or even if you have here's a reminder of those verses: Genesis 41:51-52 -- Joseph called the name of the firstborn Manasseh:“For God has made me forget all my toil and all my father’s house.” ⁵² And the name of the second he called Ephraim: “For God has caused me to be fruitful in the land of my affliction.”....I'm probably weird but I always find it fascinating the meanings of names and such and I just love the meanings of these names. I ain't a preacher, teacher or speaker but just reading those verses if someone was there is some messages in that that would make the church mouse say amen! Again maybe it's just me but reading the meanings of the names, there's just something powerful about the meanings and no doubt the reminders for Joseph. He was shown and could finally see how God was putting all the pieces of his puzzle together all along. In all the set backs, rejections, lies and hurts all of it worked together and in all that time God hadn't forgotten Joseph or left him. God even made a way that Joseph was fruitful in the land of his affliction. I may be wrong in this but that's a wow how awesome moment to me because even in our afflictions good can come from it and many times in ways we can't even begin to fathom if we was writing the story and saw the big picture. So I'm not down playing any and all hurts you or I have or may be going through.But can I just say it may feel like there is no hope and God is no where in sight or maybe you feel like you're dying inside and those walls are impossible to be torn down or crossed. I sincerely mean this and hope if you are feeling like this that you know that you matter, there is hope and God is there and He cares no matter if you can't feel Him or whatever just hang on to the hope and truth that He will not leave or forsake you. I can't tell you how many times I have just had to repeat that line/verse to try to drown out the lies that God didn't care or wasn't there. I also hope that you remember that though there may be a storm right now or remnants of hurts there will be sun and growth and things that you or I can't even begin to imagine that will be in your story and in mine. 

Hope is faith holding out its hand in the dark - George Iles