I recently heard someone say something along the lines of we don't know what season someone is in and in this life we will go through many seasons. They say that you are in one of three places getting ready to go through a storm, in a storm or getting out of a storm. Then there is me and I don't know where I am but I know it's time to put off writing this post wherever it leads to.
I recently heard a story of a man in Wisconsin that passed away and unbeknownst to the people in his community he had a small fortune (half a million to be exact) and he didn't have a wife or children so in his will he had it that the money was to be equally divided between those that attended his funeral. There was a total of 270 people that showed up and signed that little book and pay their last (or maybe first) respect to this gentleman. They had no idea by signing that paper they was going to end up just a little over 1,800 dollars richer. They didn't care. They said that the man had a list of how he wanted to live his life and on it was a life that God would be pleased with and to have true friends to be less lonely. Some of the people described him as a loner. I sometimes think we misuse that word but I may get into that later. I think that was a man that I would have liked to have called friend and no not cause he had a half a million dollars but because in a little over two minute segment I learned a lot from this man and the people that showed up one last time for him. How many times any of those 270 people was there for this gentleman in the years they were acquainted and how many times he was there for them I don't know. He owned a dry cleaning business so who knows maybe just a simple hello from him when someone brought something in when they was having the Monday-est Monday in the history of Mondays helped someone and they never forgot that. Here's what I do know there's not a price we can put on what it means to someone to be there for them, to show a little kindness, to let them know in this jacked up, hectic, sometimes downright mean world we live in you know what I see you, you're not alone, here let me help you carry this heavy bag of worry, hurt, fear, doubt, loneliness....my goodness can I just have a sidestep to that to live in a world full of so many ways to talk to people or have interactions with people we are living in a lonely time. Y'all can we please just take a minute - you can even literally make it just a minute - to reach out to someone today. If you're able to see whoever comes to mind then throw in a hug too would you? I was reading an excerpt from a devotional the other day on hugs and touch and how in America they watched people for an hour to see how many times the people touched each other - it was 2 times there was other countries that they touch over 100 times. Now I know you need to respect people and there are various things to consider in just those moments of having an oh did you know moment and touching their arm or me when I get extremely tickled about something and hit you on the arm. But I also know the importance of touch and hugs. There's something about that that lets you know that you're seen, you're not alone. I've been sitting by my mom before and in my own little world and she'd pat me on the leg or back and that little gesture meant a lot which I guess may sound weird or dumb and you're thinking well it's your mom you've had that your whole life - I've had it for the years that God chose her as my family and put her in my life but growing up no didn't really have that not a lot. And here would be a good moment to go on to my second thought for this post
Family is important - very important- there's no denying that. There's two things that I think people don't like to talk about and may not even agree with if you don't that's okay. That's that your given family can be toxic and that you can have a chosen family. Growing up or even in adulthood you've probably had someone say so and so isn't a very good friend, they're toxic you need to stay away from them. Family can be toxic too. So if you have to limit your time around a person that cause of a family tree has a label of mom, dad, brother, sister, etc and someone says but that's your family please don't let that condemn you. Some people we have to love from a distance and/or limited time and sometimes those people are our given family. Don't go back or stay around someone that's toxic because someone that may not even know all or part of the story says well that's your family and please if that family has done something to you and you know you've forgiven them and you know you got to limit or are waiting on the right time to even remotely let them back in your life don't let that lie of you've not forgiven them or you'd have them in your life trip you up. You can forgive and not have them constantly in your life or at all. I don't understand it that if it's a friend we don't even say anything we usually just say well sometimes we outgrow people or nothing at all we don't even question if you've really forgiven them. My own personal opinion but family can be toxic and you can forgive and love and still limit the time you are around them.
Now before I get to that second part of family - our chosen family - let me have a little side stop. Don't let the toxic family or things that happened keep you in a story that was only meant to be a chapter. I spent well over half of my life living a story and being stuck in a story that was only a chapter. Trust me I am not taking away or making light that those chapters are hard, difficult and can about take you out of this world or make you want out. I won't even say it's easy to get out of the chapters or that those memories, fears, people won't try to take you back to those chapters because there is going to be people in your life that don't want you to see your story through to see what an awesome story you have to fulfill. Again sometimes that's given family and sometimes it's friends. Don't let an event or person write your story when it's only meant to be a chapter. Sure things are going to happen and you're going to change, you're going to grow and you're going to move forward - you're not staying in that pit.In grief they say there is a you before and after the heart wrenching see you later we have to tell our loved ones. I agree and in many ways you may never fully get back to the you before. That's okay. But you will become you again you will just move on to a different you. You'll still laugh, have joy and make great memories granted it's a chapter and new chapters that you don't ever want to have to go through but you'll always carry those loved ones with you. many things in life are like that there's a before and after. Sometimes when bad things happen we're afraid to move on or don't know how and we even feel guilty. The next chapter may not be one we wanted to face yet or it may not be written when or how we had envisioned but baby you got a story to tell and you got some awesome things left to do in your story. You ain't in that pit anymore and you are moving forward and I can't wait to see what all your story has in story. I'm rooting for you.
Now our chosen family. Many of us didn't/don't have a mother or father figure, didn't have a sibling or don't have a relationship with yours, or maybe you don't have a given child but longed to have one. Many of us long for that we want a mom that will be our best friend a dad that we can go fishing with or a sibling we can have inside jokes with and go do something silly to get into or a child to love and help grow and see the world from their view. I specifically remember asking God would I ever have a mom, a motherly influence. See when I'd think/hope and even finally get the nerve to pray about it in my head I would hear why would anyone want you to call them mom and see you as their daughter. But the last time I asked God about it with those lies still loud in my mind I asked God will I ever know is there someone, I don't know how you have it written with my given family and I don't know but if there's even anyone that would be okay with me seeing them as my mom if they'd be okay seeing me as their daughter but God if it's not meant to be however you have it written can you take this ache and want away especially if it's not meant for me to have a mom figure. With that way to much insight into my story being said I've met people over the last fourteen years that have truly become family I call them my chosen family because I truly believe God put them in my life and gave them to me to be my family and I probably don't tell them near enough but I hope they know how much I appreciate them and how thankful I am to call them family and they let me intrude on their life. I had to wait a long time to meet my chosen family but I'm thankful that I have them now and I'll forever call them family. Some people can be in our lives for all of our life and they may have a title but there are some that you meet in what seems like a just so happens scenario and you hope that's not the last time you see them because they have already made such an impact on your life. If I named people I could specifically name four people that God just dropped in my life all right when I needed them and was even questioning God will I have this kind of person in my life and it took me awhile to accept that I was allowed this and they do want me in their life and their not going anywhere and their perfectly okay that I call them my family. Sometimes people come into our lives as friends but they become so much more they become a sister, mom, pop - they become our chosen family and I thank God for them.
So in closing don't wait until your signing your name in one of those books to let people know what they mean, to just be there for them and however you got the family you have and though it may have taken a long time to have them in your life let's not get to busy trying to make the perfect post to get the likes, hearts and laughs on social media that we forget to give the hugs, laughs and time to those in our life.
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