Facing My Giants

 I have no idea why I am writing this or what exactly I am even about to write so forgive the randomness and whatever else may follow. This is going to possibly end up like a preview of my now traditional year in review post but enough speculating where this is going to go let's just see where it does go.

This time of year is quite difficult for a lot of people, they miss loved ones that are no longer here with them and/or people just feel especially alone and that they don't matter around the holidays. I have struggled with this time of year since 2002 when my grandma passed away, never quite got over it. I was thinking about that today and I've seen a lot of items with cardinals on them, now usually this will have me almost in tears and just such sorrow and sadness while I think of my grandma. But this year, thank God something has happened and this year I'm facing some giants. The other day I saw a cardinal figurine and I had 'Aww, maw-maw would have loved that.' and normally this is where it would just go downhill but I have peace and I finally know that she's in a better place and one day I will see her again and after 14 years I finally got the goodbye that I didn't get that fateful morning of January 30, 2002. So one stone knocked down the giant of sorrow that I had felt for so many years with that and thank God I was able to have a way to face that giant and conquer it. I'll always miss my grandma and will no doubt catch myself wanting to go tell her something but until the day I get to see her again I have wonderful memories of her and I forever will have the dream I had with her in it after she passed away and she looked so young and healthy and had her voice again and when she turned around and saw me she said, 'Where have you been? I've been waiting for you.' Oh, maw-maw I've been facing some giants and tearing down some walls and have found some great friends that are helping me run this race.

Sticking with the facing giants and running a race theme I don't know if you have ever read this poem called Undo Me (or Lord Undo Me) by Blake Williams, if not you should read the whole thing it is really good. In part of this poem it states: break down these walls that I love so much No, wait don’t, I’m scared I don’t know if I can handle this don’t But I can’t live this way anymore I can’t stand here in this half-life this going through the motions life this not really alive life Father, I need you so come in and do what you must...I heard this read on K-LOVE a little while back and when it got to this part me being apparently ridiculously emotional got teary eyed and said that's me God.At some point this whole poem has been me but this particular time I'm mostly in that part of Lord break these walls down and then freaking out when the walls do start to come down and think No God don't take the walls what will happen I don't know if I can face what is on the other side of the wall. And to be perfectly honest I think these walls are my absolute biggest giants that I have/am facing. Because you see in my house that I built the walls were built, insulated and painted with lies and fears. Some will tell you it doesn't matter what kind of materials you use to build a house, or in this case build your life and what you have in your heart. It does. For a long time in my house I had built the walls, had very few windows and only one door all built on lies and fears and all along thinking I had the best protection from storms of  life and from being hurt but that was wrong. So I've been doing some major remodeling thank God. Now over the years I've thought I've done some remodeling and it was just enough to quiet the lies really but this time, well this time I've really knocked some walls down and have been adding some windows and doors. I have also had moments where I've tried to build the walls back up and block the windows and doors  I added. Now some will read this and say I am a complete failure at one point I would have 100% agreed with that. However, I am learning in this remodeling that it doesn't happen over night especially with how much I have to remodel. Also that is just a major lie and generally in the midst of these lies I have learned and gotten so much better at hearing the still small voice that is whispering the truth. The truth that I will make it, to just take one more step. to remove just one more small piece of that wall because there is no giant on the other side of that wall there is so much more. It was put to me this way by someone recently that when the walls are gone that there can be more good things that can take its place like more of Gods' presence, more love and more friends (and if you happen to be reading this a huge thank you as always because it was something I needed to hear and/or be reminded of). Thankfully I really have been able to knock down a lot of walls and for the most part keep them completely down. I find myself facing the big wall now and part of me really does just want to have a nope this isn't ever coming down moment but I look back and around at what I've been able to do just this year alone and I know that there will be some amazing things that can and will happen when this last wall comes down. And I know for me it can all be a bit overwhelming and quite often I will just go in circles, I've never been part of a real life house model but this kind of remodel sometimes feels like I am over budget and can't even afford to finish tearing the walls down. But I can and I will. I ain't saying it's going to be a pretty or easy remodel but I am saying I've come to far, I have to much to do and I am worthy enough to have the foundation and rooms built of truth.

Now this brings me to my next to last thought and that is about a race, particularly at the starting line waiting for the sound that it's time to go and start the race. The other day as I was taking a bit of a break and pacing the floor to try to sort through some thoughts something came to mind. I feel like I am at the starting line of a race, what kind of race I don't know but I think it's a big one. Now usually when I feel like this or even when I'm trying to tear those walls down if things go a bit slower than I think they should be or whatever of the many number of scenarios one could write here I'll start having doubts and fears and such. But this race it is different. Sure those things still try to find their way but this just feels different. It's like in the waiting I am being prepared and growing so that when I do hear the sound that gives me the go ahead to run the race I will be prepared to face the obstacles and to finish the race and not saying finish the race in first place because that's not what is important, not to me anyway. What I place in the race is such a small part for me what matters is I finish, I cross that line. And it may not be easy I don't know but while I wait for this race to start I'm going to do some remodeling and face some giants.

Lastly, I'm including a poem I recently wrote and it starts out I have a story to be told and I do and that story will somehow serve a purpose and maybe one day I can feel that it is okay to share more of that story here but until that day, I'll share the bits and pieces that I think is time to share. Whatever giant you are facing, wherever you may be in remodeling, or if you are waiting to start a race of your own may you never give up and always remember that you are worthy and matter and no matter how small a step or piece of wall you take down it's still moving forward and go you for moving forward. 

 Facing My Giants
By: April Donahue
11/13/16

I have a story to be told
But not one I would have chose
Full of twists and turns
Even a lesson or two was learned

Fears tried to turn out the light
While I held on for dear life
Not always quite sure what to do
As lies try to block my view

Telling me I have to many scars
And that I've gone to far
Keeping me from seeing my worth
The truth it didn't want me to unearth

To many, they'll see broken
But to God I am chosen
I wear brand new clothes
Made of forgiveness, peace and hope

Because I will face my giants
Like David did Goliath
Not with a spear or sword
But in the name of the Lord

Broken But Still Worthy

Bare with me if we're friends on Facebook you've seen part of this but I felt I needed to write more on it. If you've not read any of it yet still bare with me I had it in my head while driving on 68 how I wanted to write it but that's been a few hours ago now. Shall we begin?

This morning I dropped my phone for the who knows what number time now. This morning that fall put a crack on the screen of my phone to go along with the other crack that is in the upper left hand corner and the chips all around the edge of the phone. Yes, I am that clumsy. No worries it's not a fancy schmancy phone but I really do still try to take care of it. Now most would look at my phone and say it's ruined and ask when I was going to get another one. I'm learning a lot from this broken screen. By all accounts this phone shouldn't work it should be discarded but the phone does still work and it serves its purpose. Though it's broken it can definitely still be used. People are like that too. Somehow people will see others and how they are broken and count them out. You know what's bad is when we look at ourselves and see broken and unworthy, believing the lie we can never be used again (loved, whole, free, etc.). I can only speak for myself but maybe you can relate. I have spent most of my life thinking I was broken and unworthy. And I was broken and that's okay because broken pieces can be put back together, broken pieces can still be a masterpiece. What wasn't okay is believing the lie that I was/am unworthy and that I was unworthy because I was broken or not perfect. As I've stated I'm clumsy and growing up I had a little tea set, you guessed it, I broke the little plate the tea set sat on. It was glued back together but there was this little crack you could forever see on that plate. To most it wasn't perfect anymore, it was flawed, broken, unworthy. And to be honest I felt terrible every time I saw that plate (I guess it would be more like the tray) but now thinking about it that tray still served its purpose, it just had an added story to tell thanks to that place where it was put back together. I have some places where I've been put back together again, I have some places that I'm working on and/or still need to work on getting the pieces glued back together again. I spent most of my life either pretending I had the pieces together or putting them back together with lies (that whole unworthy, using fears as the glue, just trying to act perfect) but that glue hides the masterpiece it doesn't let the right light shine out from you or the right light in, it doesn't protect or hold you together like you are meant to be. There's a line from the song Loving My Jesus by Casting Crowns that states, 'sin tries to make you hide whispers that same old lie keep all your pain inside cause no one will understand...' That's the kind of glue I have used most of my life, still do sometimes if I'm honest. Later on in the song it stated, '...truth that has set me free is that I'm just a broken man...' And in the song it talks about showing his scars. It's funny to me that if we fall and get a scar we show it like a badge of honor but the scars we have from our own mistakes or that were caused by others we hide them. We think those make us to broken to ever be fixed, put back together again, usable again, we think we are forever unworthy now but that's a lie. There's a quote that states even a broken crayon can still color. The things that broke you, the things that broke me they may have tried to destroy us, may still be trying to destroy us but it doesn't make us unworthy. It makes us stronger and will help us help others. It's not easy and it takes help (and above all else God) to get the pieces put back together, for some pieces to even be found again. I'm thankful I'm getting my pieces put back together, I'm thankful for what some may see as cracks in my pieces put back together and some may even only see broken but I see so much more. I see someone that held on to hope when I thought for sure I had no hope or faith left. I see someone that tries to hide behind walls but there are people and God that sees someone that matters and tries to help tear the walls down. I see an imperfect person that is loved and forgiven by a perfect God. I see someone that is broken and may have a few scars and cracks but is still worthy. And if you're reading this I hope you know and always remember that no matter how broken you or the world says you are that you matter, you are important and you are worthy.

Looking out the Window

Forgive me because I'm sure this has been an analogy I've used countless times but I have a terrible memory and it takes me a long time to get things sometimes. It still should be different enough from any other time I've wrote this so there is that at least. Picture it if you will you're in a room looking at what just seems like a wall but there is one area that is just a different enough color to make you wonder what that spot is, could it be part of the wall or something else? As you get closer you see just a big enough spot of something shining through this spot? What is this, is it a hole in the wall? So you wipe your hand across this and suddenly light shines through because this wasn't part of the wall at all there has been a window there this whole time. Now in my weird way of thinking I picture this room as how I see things, how I even see myself, actually perhaps even mostly how I see myself. At some point this window was very much visible and for whatever reason(s) it slowly got covered up with grime and dirt. I think of this grime and dirt as lies. Lies to keep out the truth, to keep out the light and to keep your light from shining out. Everyone has a story and in ways that story will be different of how the grime and dirt started piling up but each story is important and matters. I won't tell you how or why mine started building up but at some point I started believing the lie that I had to be perfect to earn people's love or for them to like me. That was one of the many things that has added layers upon layers of my window. If I was just perfect enough they won't leave (yet here's a kicker I also built up walls to keep people out, actually to help make that maybe make a bit more sense I built the walls up so I'd have a bit more control of how close you got to me and I got to you to protect me or what I thought was protecting me but I also thought I had to be perfect in everything I did in part for previously stated reasons and other reasons as well, I'd list them but some to be honest I'm still just figuring out myself and some I'm just about to open the door to see why.). Anyway I think a lot of people fall in the perfectionism category. We think we need the perfect house, perfect car, have to be the perfect size and have the perfect hair to find someone to love us, perfect job to make the perfect amount of money. Perfect, perfect perfect.....Lies, lies, lies. I saw a quote today from Steven Furtick today that stated, 'Perfectionism is the enemy of progress.' And I can believe that. There's other things that can build up the dirt too but I'm just going to leave it at this and move on to getting to see that little speck of light shining through. Short version of this is sometimes we may hear voices on the other side and curiosity gets the best of us so we wipe at this grimed up window and see what's on the other side, sometimes we need other people to help us see and wipe away the lies that have built up. And yes it is ultimately up to you but sometimes you have to have help. Also an area I struggle with but I'm getting a bit better with that, I think...okay I hope. I am getting a better understanding of my room and this window that has been blocking my view from the truth of who I am most of my life. Am I saying oh look I've typed this scenario and I'm who I want to be and everything is just fine now? No, no I am not I still have so many struggles and some days I feel like I'm getting a clear picture and view out of the window and some days I can barely see out. For example I have times where I get unbelievably anxious and my mind races with to many things to even list. I've learned there are certain things I do when this hits and sometimes it means hiding from people and sometimes I end up messaging a couple of people a lot (so sorry) with stuff that probably makes no sense cause I think so fast that it probably sounds like messed up ramblings. And sometimes I think I do both. Now when I struggle with this I should go to someone and just be honest with what's going on and see if they can help me but these moments are when the grime gets built up big time on my window and it's more difficult for me to be honest with myself and others of what's going on. I just say I'm fine because I believe the lie of what will people say and think if they knew well they'd leave or laugh or whatever. But that's all it is, is a lie. I'll never be perfect this side of heaven and I'll never be the person some people think I should be. I'll always be to much of something or not enough of this. Here's something else I sometimes deal with when trying to wipe away those lies...you are making some progress in getting through these lies to the truth but you slip up, fall back down on another area. A lot of times this is when I would think well I messed up again I'm not good enough, never going to make it and lies upon lies. However recently I've discovered what I decide to put after the conjunction (where as before it would be yeah but negative thought after negative condemnation about myself) now if I mess up or whatever and those lies try to attack I think Yeah I did mess up but look at how far I have made it, there was a time I wouldn't have tried that or Yeah I did but let's take the time to look at all of the bad habits or lies I'm not doing). I had a moment one day where the negative thoughts were trying to come after that conjunction and I though no not today I'm sorry conjunction junction is closed I ain't going there today. And again no one is going to have a lifetime of that window being perfectly clean, mine is getting cleaner and clearer than it has been for awhile, possibly ever but I have days when it gets blocked. And when this happens to you I hope you have people you can go to that will help you or as is sometimes the case with me when I try to hide people that will make sure you don't hide from them. Because there's nothing wrong with not having a perfectly clean window all of the time. And in the end it is important for that light and truth to get in so you can grow not to be perfect but to be who you really are and it's important that the light inside of you can get out so others can see it so you can help others.

Hello Old Friend

Habits are a tricky thing aren't they? I mean they can become something to help and make you have  better life or it can end up being something on the flip side and hindering you. Some habits you may not even realize you have until maybe it's pointed out or one day you just catch it yourself and realize just how much you do said habit. Me personally I have a lot of mostly nervous fidgets and habits. I don't know how long it takes to break a bad habit or create a new habit but I think (hope and pray may be more accurate) that I'm at least  somewhere in the middle of breaking the old and creating new and better habits. You know what's funny, sometimes frustrating ,about trying to break bad habit or just move forward in general? It can be difficult at times to see how much progress you are truly making, many times it can feel like you aren't making progress or am I the only one that does that? I have this sneaky little voice that likes to point out how much farther I still have to go and tries to quiet the voice that says how far I have made it. Fear and lies all it is. I've written about this before but it's like that book 'The Monster at the End of This Book: Starring Lovable, Furry Old Grover' (still one of my favorite books along with Horton Hears a Who and some more). In the book Grover keeps trying to get you to not turn the page because someone said there was a monster at the end of the book and the closer you get to the end the more Grover panics because he doesn't want to see the monster. At the end there is no scary monster it's just lovable, furry old Grover nothing to be afraid of at all. I am like Grover and I haven't quite got to end of the book to realize that there is nothing to be afraid of but I think I have an advantage over Grover cause I don't have to wait until I get to the end of the book to realize that. I'm somewhere between yay, I've made it three weeks without biting or picking my fingernails and oh no I'm trying to push people away again. So I find myself at in interesting place in my book. Do I do like I normally would at this part of my book (actually to be honest I've never gotten this far in my book due to what I'm about to write) and do I close the book and hide it away or do I turn the page? I think it's time to turn the page because what is behind all of these doors or what will be on the next page will not necessarily be scary or bad it could be good. And the good thing is I don't have to finish the book by myself (if I haven't pushed people away to many times, so sorry to those I do that too, momentarily listen to the fear and lie that I can't get close to people and I freak out when I realize how close I am getting. I'll turn the page from that lie too.). Maybe you are in the beginning, middle or really close to seeing that monster at the end of your book. Maybe you're like me and are stuck on a page afraid to read on debating closing the book. I think I got this part of the story memorized and it's time to read on and see what the next page has in store because I may not know what all will unfold in the rest of the story but I know that whatever it is will be worth it because there are some good things that are going to happen on the pages I haven't gotten to yet and well I'll never get to my happy ending if I don't turn the page, because in the end I do believe it will be a happy ending, but I got some reading to do before I get there.

For Such A Time As This - One Year Later

A year ago today, according to my memories on Facebook, I wrote a post titled For Such A Time As This. I actually opened it and as I was reading it I thought 1) oh Lord, maybe I shouldn't write a blog 2) wow, what a difference a year makes and 3) thank God I am truly moving forward and I can actually tell that finally. In the end of last years post I wrote in part, 'See I don't know or truly understand what season I am at right now but I know that I am here and I am who I am right now for such a time as this.' I often say one shouldn't live in the past but that post was a reminder of how sometimes a glance back to see how far you have made it is that encouragement you needed cause sometimes it just feels like you aren't moving forward (sometimes you really ain't but more on that later) and isn't it sometimes just completely amazing to see how you have made it, thank God. So where I was at last year was on my way moving forward but not really. See I was going through the motions, had gotten rid of just enough hurts and such that I thought I was okay, that's all I thought was really possible or all I deserved to have because it seemed I should carry these hurts, rejections and burdens, it's all I would allow to happen in part cause I didn't know how or what to do to get rid of these things and I didn't want anyone to know all this that I was feeling or going through, safer to go through the motions. But what I didn't know or understand that all these years have been making me and leading me to such a time as this. I hear people say if they could live life over again they'd do this or that different. I don't know if I would, sure it'd be great to live many less years dealing with things I've dealt with but everything led me to meet the people and go places to get me where I am now, for such a time as this. For so long I wanted to escape these feelings and I tried but it only masked how I was feeling it never gave me the freedom I so wanted from these chains and such. I was so tired of just going through the motions and it was killing me but thank God He heard my cries and has helped me so much  since I wrote that post last year. We all have seasons, trials and such and it's not fun but at least it can be used so you can help others as I read in a quote we're not here to see through people but to help see people through. I'm still not sure what my such a time as this involves but I finally have a better understanding of what my role and place is and am so glad and thankful God allowed me to meet and have the people that are in my life and have played a role in helping me move forward or just being there, that means more to me than I can ever pay you all back but i'm forever grateful. Most of all I am so glad and thankful for the freedom and chains that have truly been broken, I'm no longer walking through the motions but in a peace and freedom I haven't ever known. So in this time I will continue to grow and move forward to whatever such a time as this has in store for me.

I'll Look Up

If you know me the title of this is kind of funny and a bit ironic because pretty much all of my life I have had the habit of looking down whenever I walk, I used to jokingly say I'll know who you are more by your shoes than your face. I have however gotten better about looking up while I walk who knew I was missing so much?! It's also based on a song by We Are Messengers, although technically the title of that song is I Look Up, but I really like that song and there is a line that goes: So if I wanna catch a glimpse of something bigger than me I have to look up. And can I just tell you I am, finally at the age of thirty two, finally getting that and figuring out who I am, not the lies I've told myself or been told by others, not the walls I've built and hid behind. I recently finished reading In Such Good Company by Carol Burnett (good read by the way) and in it she writes about how they went about hiring the regulars and how the studio didn't want her to hire Vicki Lawrence because she was 'rough' and I love Carol's response, 'So is a diamond, at first.' and thankfully Carol stood her ground and hired Vicki. She saw who Vicki was, the person hidden behind what would be labeled as shy exterior and Harvey Korman saw her potential and took her under his wings and helped show her the ropes and well as they say the rest is history, some of televisions best laughs history (the famous elephant story blooper, need I say more...if I do just look it up on YouTube). Point being we all have stories and have all went through stuff that has made us believe lies about ourselves, sometimes we fuel those lies and keep them alive for way longer than they ever should have been. Sometimes we believe we can't do something or we'll never be who we want to be, really the list goes on and on (like the song that will not end!). That is where I am quite thankful and grateful for the Carol Burnett's in my life because sometimes we need help in getting past those lies because they can be hurdles that we think we will never cross or dare I say we believe that we don't deserve to be able to cross them (I'm sure I'm not the only one that has thought that). We're not meant or supposed to walk this road alone we need help be it reminding that we can take that next step or just someone to laugh with sometimes we just need a friend.  I was reading an old blog post from January 2015 I had written about crossing bridges and how I have trouble with that. To be honest for some time I just decided I'm going to quit trying I'll just park myself here behind these walls because I'm not setting myself up for failure yet again because it would seem when I try to cross a bridge or even build one the fear and such would win and I'd run back to the comfort zone side of the bridge. That's just a lie though and again if I'm honest I hate my comfort zone it is has become so unbelievably boring It's funny because oftentimes in my dreams I would be on a bridge and the bridge would collapse. I think subconsciously I started thinking that if I built bridges in real life that they also would collapse so to keep myself safe I just didn't. Just another lie. So starting today I've tore the walls down and I'm going to start building some bridges because the views on the other side look amazing and I got so much I got to do. Because I may just be a diamond in the rough but I'm going to shine.

Walls

Advanced apologies because some of this may be repeats from previous writings. I have so much going through my head that sometimes I can't remember if I really wrote or told someone or if it is still in draft mode in my head. Now that we got that out of the way shall we carry on?

I guess  I'll start with another thought or two that has really stuck with me from my vacation. I was able to climb three lighthouses while on my trip. Ironic I am terrified of heights but love lighthouses, to me they represent a beacon of hope. While climbing the last one, which also happened to be the tallest (Cape Hatteras) there was an older woman and I believe her daughter and son in law. They were ahead of me and I heard the man telling the woman to take her time it wasn't a race, that it didn't matter how long it took for them to get to the top. I ended up catching up to them at the third level where we all ended up needing to rest. The older lady needed to sit on the steps (bless her, she was all worried she'd be in my way and keep me from going. I told her to take her time it wouldn't interfere with me.) As she was sitting she said, 'I have breast cancer and don't have the energy I used to.' At that moment and probably until I take my last breath I was and am in complete awe of her determination to climb that lighthouse. I learned a few things that day. One being life isn't a race, don't think you're less than another if you have to take a rest or don't get to a level as fast as another. Sometimes you got to give yourself a pep talk and sometimes you got to have someone there to give you that reminder and pep talk so you'll take the rest you need and/or so you can take that next step that you just don't think you can take. I also learned we can be like lighthouses. You don't have to be loud sometimes all you have to do is stand tall and let your light shine. You see that day I climbed an 198 feet tall lighthouse but I met a lighthouse on the third landing that day when I met that woman.

On Saturday I got the chance to go to the Rock the Smokies event at Dollywood. And I am so glad that I did because I was reminded of a couple things, actually encouraged may be more appropriate. I just went thinking I was going to see a few artists I really enjoy hearing but got so much more out if it. I was able to see 7eventh Time Down, a band I have wanted to see for awhile. Twice during that show the singer said, Today let's tear those walls down we have built around our hearts. Twice. I was like dude I'm working on it. After that show ended I had planned on going to wait to see another band but I just felt like I needed to walk to the church (my favorite place at Dollywood). As I'm walking I hear We Are Messengers, I'm super excited cause I wanted to see him but I thought for sure I had missed the whole show. So I go lean against a post to listen to what is left of the show. Two things happened during this show. The first was before he started another sing he was talking (he is from Ireland if you aren't familiar with the band) and he says something along the lines of, 'Jesus wants to take that sorrow, shame and condemnation that you've been carrying.' At this point I'm having an Okay I think you're trying to tell me something God moment. Anyway, next thing, later on in his set he had everyone hold hands (I conviently hid by that pole that was holding me up). And he talks about how people need love, they sometimes need that pat on the back or hug that touch to remind them they aren't alone. Then he asks ,'If you're lonely would you just raise your hand.' Which several did and one has to wonder how many were lonely but didn't raise their hand. Then he says, 'That's okay that you're lonely. And basically he didn't have the perfect answer to to make them not lonely anymore but to know they are loved and it's okay to not be okay. This one hit me because I often do wonder is the person I'm sitting next to, do they know how much they matter? Are they really okay when you ask how they are or did they put on that mask with the smile and inside are crying. I saw a thing on Facebook that went something like this:

Person: How are things with you?
Me: things are good
Narrator: things were not good

(Please tell me I'm not the only one that imagines the narrator in Morgan Freeman's voice?)

And sadly sometimes I think tjis happens more than it should because we believe the lie that we are a bother, that no one really cares and/or that we always have to be strong. You don't, as that guy said it's okay to not be okay. You know apparently I need to learn this cause I keep going back to you (nor I) have to ride this life by ourselves. It's okay to let people in and help carry a load. I'm not the best at having the right words to say and may not be the best at giving hugs when needed (I'm getting there and it's not cause I don't want to give or receive hugs), but I try my best to be there for people. I'll sit there and cry, laugh (or both), listen or just sit in silence with you. Because I've felt lonely a lot and I want to do all I can to let people know they matter. I don't have all the answers most of the time I don't have any answer but I know it's okay if you're not okay, you aren't alone and you matter.

So today I'm taking a few more pieces away from these walls built up, trying to destroy these masks society has tried to tell me I have to wear to be normal and fit in because it's time for some giants to fall because those lies and fears have blocked my view and road to long.