Seeds

I've been writing this post in my head for quite some time but I continue to struggle with how and if I should write it. Can I write it in way to say what I mean without it getting misconstrued. I guess there's only one way to find out (good thing not many people read this). I guess I'll start with the most recent thought and go from there....

I recently was listening to this devotion type thing and in a particular segment the person was talking about a blue ribbon grown tomato and how the person that grew it was asked how he did so. It was at this point that I found out I'm not the only one that can hear something as simple as how a blue ribbon tomato was grown and take it somewhere else that has nothing else to do with the subject. I'll get to where they went but first I'll take you to where my brain went (I save their point last because they always say save the best for last and their point is much better). I got thinking how you plant a seed and then I got thinking how seeds get planted in us...not literal seeds but seeds of faith, encouragement, discouragement, etc. I'm going to focus for a bit on the faith one. Oftentimes one may not realize when a seed is planted and sometimes I wonder when it comes to the faith one that people get impatient with how fast or much another persons seed of faith is growing or seemingly not to the person watching the seed grow. Without purposefully meaning to it can be easy to come along and pile more dirt on that seed that has been planted with things like you should be at this point in your walk by now or things like that. See you have to plant a seed not to far in the dirt so it can get the light but not to much, get water and be close enough to the service that it can break through the ground but plant roots too. If you pile to much dirt on top of the seed or plant it to deep (maybe it's got ground into the ground farther by, in this scenario words that were said) that seed won't have the energy or ability to grow and break through all of that dirt and thus it dies. We get so caught up on what the seed (person) isn't or what we think they aren't that we miss and don't fully appreciate what that person went through to break through the ground to get to the light so it can continue to grow. Which is a good place to go to what the person was saying in the devotion I was listening to. See the gardener said to grow that blue ribbon tomato he had to do some pruning which meant taking away some of the other tomatoes that were growing on the vine to give that one tomato enough room so it could grow. Sometimes I think we forsake a plant after it starts growing, oh we may water it every now and then but forget the important step of pruning and also oftentimes painful (when a person has to prune some things out of their life). At the time it doesn't look like it will help or make a difference but in due time it can be seen how much it did. Ultimately it's up to us how much we grow and to do the pruning but sometimes like the plant needs help in the gardener removing the dead leaves, or making sure the plant is getting enough light, sometimes we need help be it an encouraging word, prayer or what have you. Sometimes we get to much dirt piled on us and we don't have the energy to grow to get through to the light. There's a song called Brother by needtobreathe and I like the message of that song because it's saying I'll be there to help you when you need it. And I should probably end it here but I'm going to take it one step further before I really do try to end this. Because you see sometimes it feels like people are so focused on tearing others down or dare I say so worried about clicking share, like and typing amen on that picture on Facebook that we're deserting the seeds in others and ourselves so much so that we could be sitting right beside someone that is so dried up and all they need is a drop of water to remind them that they do matter, they are important, that those lies that say otherwise and are trying to further bury them are just that lies, piles of dirt to try to prevent you from seeing that. You ain't got to be a big shot or have lots of money to help people. Have we forgotten what an impact it is to just be there, just taking a walk with someone or sitting on the porch (or in the house if you ain't big on being outside)...my point is you don't have to speak eloquently or say a lot or do expensive things together to make a difference to help that seed grow. I'll give you an example, there's a page I follow on Facebook and they wrote something that really hit home with me, part of it did anyway, and I kept thinking I needed to message this person and thank them for being honest in their struggles and in helping remind me that it's all going to be okay. That's not to toot my own horn because you see I got way more out of it then I imagine that person did because what they said in their reply meant so very much. It was a drop water, a ray of light, right when I needed it most. So instead of worrying about how many times you hit like, type amen or share that picture, because I promise you God ain't keeping a tally of it and it ain't proving or helping your faith grow...no you want to do that how about you pray for those around you and for things going on in the world, how about you tell someone how important they are (you never know it could be the life saving drop of water that beautiful flower may need), when you see someone trying to prune some things out of their life don't say well I'd do it this way or something like that encourage them because pruning can be a tedious, difficult thing to get through. I reckon I've said enough...maybe even to much but with this I'll step off of my soap box. Maybe next time I'll get to my other thoughts.

I almost forgot to mention the annual Winter Jam. As always it was a great time spent with friends and hearing some great music. We got some great seats but I'll let my pictures do the talking. And it really will be the end of this with the pictures.

Winter Time Blues

I'm not a big fan of winter.  It, like everything else, has its positives and negatives. I tend to look at the seasons as a time to plant, a time to grow, time to reap and a time to rest. I also look at the seasons of life like that. I'm not always the most patient person and sometimes I, intentionally or not I'm not sure, tend to try to rush through life. I sometimes wonder if some of my life lessons that feel like I'm stuck in aren't just the only way to force me to slow down. By that I mostly mean my thoughts but sometimes to also literally make me slow down. After so many weeks of forced hibernation (it's not as fun when it's an only option) I start to get restless. The snow can be pretty but I long to see the leaves and the flowers blooming. I'm ready for some Technicolor if you will. Perhaps it could be a little bit more than that though. I believe I'm ready to see what could bloom in me if I'd just let it. I've had some things planted. They grew and some of those things I reaped but can I be honest, some of those things I didn't reap because I was afraid. Some things I didn't plant or take care of after I planted them like I should have so it wilted before I could reap what was sown. So you see sometimes I need that rest, that slow down so I remember to take the time to cultivate, nurture, prepare and wait (rest) to let what was planted grow in its time and let it bloom. That's where I sometimes fail. Just let the flower bloom. Because if I'd let this quiet, curly haired flower that wears glasses bloom I'd go places and make differences I can't even dream of. So don't rush through any season or get discouraged because flowers and even people bloom when they are supposed to if we give them enough time and light.

A Great Title Goes Here

I've not really written much lately but thought I'd try to write a little bit today, I suppose here is where a disclaimer should be to read the following ramblings at your own risk which includes but is not limited to exclaiming huh a lot, shaking ones head and thinking I can't ever get that time back that I just utterly wasted reading this.

I had tried yesterday to write a post about a thought I had while waking up at 1:00 a.m and waiting until sleep decided to visit again. The thought was wondering where the statement the truth hurts came from/about because as much truth as there may be in that statement I'd rather hear the truth than to be clothed with a seemingly beautiful garment that is made up of nothing but lies. That garment of truth might not look so pretty at first but in the end it will be more beautiful or better at the very least than the mountain of lies. Granted there are ways and times and such to think about when telling the truth but as much as I may not like the truth when I hear it in the end I'll appreciate it or at the very least know I can trust you which means a lot to me. As you can see that would have been a waste of a topic to write about so shall we go on to the next thing...

 That would be dreams - like the ones you have while sleeping because I never have a shortage of strange dreams. I know most all of them are nothing although I've had a few that I'm not entirely convinced that there was a much bigger meaning to them. The regular dreams tend to have me thinking I know it was just a dream but...well I'm getting a bit ahead of myself perhaps. An example of what I'm trying to say/write was a dream I had last night that in part found me in some building that was going to have some event held in it but also looked like it was a flea market. There was an area that had boxes that were decorated for what I don't know but someone had the idea we were supposed to see what the boxes were made up of or something but as I was walking to the boxes they started looking menacing and like something was in the boxes that was going to hurt me. So the fear took over and I went back and just told the person to tell me what the boxes were made of or something. Somewhere after that my great aunt that passed away back in '08 was there and she said something along the lines that we needed to get together more often at least once a year. See told you I have weird dreams. Now that's all that was I'm sure of but it got me thinking because I've noticed that I somehow have let fear back in my life and anxieties and such have hindered me in ways that I was at one point making great progress at. And I suppose if I could take a lesson from that dream was that the fear made those boxes look, well scary and like I was going to get harmed if I went any closer to them but when I found out what was inside the boxes and was they were made of (they were decorated in different ways) I realized there was nothing about the boxes that could hurt me but no joke the fear and such that I felt was real. I guess my lesson was just like I did in the dream all to often in my real life I focus to much and to long on the fear until like in the dream a box somehow seems incredibly dangerous and sends me running. It was like in my dream there was a small voice trying to tell me there was nothing to fear but the volume on the anxieties got turned up so loud that I could no longer hear the small voice telling me it was okay and sometimes that happens in real life too. So my thinking is that no matter how quiet that small voice is that is telling me it's okay if I can just get back to focusing on that then hopefully and ideally the loud annoying voice that is fear/anxiety will quiet down and I'll see the big scary box for what it truly is. I just really overthought that dream and don't take that as downplaying illnesses such as anxiety.

I guess I'll end this with a beautiful version of Amazing Grace sung by Joey and Rory - no real rhyme or reason for posting it. I just like it.

What do you mean 2015 is already almost over?

I don't know if I'm the only one that feels like they just blinked and suddenly we're already almost at the end of 2015. I feel like I just got used to writing and saying 2015 for everything. I'm not one to make new years resolutions or at least not as far as at the beginning of the year stating I'm going to blah blah blah. I do constantly try to improve on my shortcomings but I don't make that a well I'll start on that in the new year or what have you no offense if that is something one does. I say do what works for you on improving or meeting ones goals not what the studies say to do because what works for the majority or for another person doesn't guarantee it'll give you the same results. With that I think I'll revisit a bit of what happened in 2015 for me again I didn't start the year with any real resolutions or really any particular goals. I do have to say that this has been overall a really great year. I love to travel but knew I wouldn't get any big trips in but ended up getting to have some of the best travels by just driving around the backroads and discovering hidden treasures of places. Better yet I got to go to some of these places with people I really care about in fact a couple of my favorite trips fall in that category. I got to meet new people this year. I think, hope, that I have matured and grown in ways. So as this year closes and a new one is about to begin I am thankul for all of the opportunities I had, the friendships I have and continuing to grow and improve not only in my faith but also into hopefully a good person and friend. Here's hoping that 2016 for you and I brings opportunities to meet whatever goals you have but perhaps most importantly may each day give us a chance to show others we care and encourage and help each other in this life because one can always use an encouraging word or help or to know they matter.

In closing I thought I'd share a few of my favorite pictures from my adventures this year.

 From one of my favorite trips that I got to go one this year

 This was another fun trip to see Anglin Falls

 From Winter Jam this year. This is always an event I look forward to going to not only because it is a fun, encouraging concert to go to but it's always great to spend time in line and at the concert with friends.

 Got to make a couple trips to a couple of zoos this year and this was probably by far one of my favorites I've ever gotten the chance to take

 I love music and as much as crowds can stress me out I love going to concerts and this was one of the absolute best concerts I was fortunate enough to get to go to this year.

 I added this one not because it's really that great of a picture although it was amazing to see Cumberland Falls that flooded but because it was one of those top favorite trips I got to go to not necessarily because of the destination but who I got to spend the day with. This particular day I got to spend with my little cousin and it was such a fun day.

  Autumn colors and mountains, doesn't really get much better!

I always love when I get a chance to find a covered bridge to go to

My Grown-Up Christmas List

It's that time of year again when generally you often get asked what you want for Christmas. I'm not a big fan of that question for a few reasons. One being I don't want people to spend their money on me and if I do happen to have something I could ask for I always feel like it's to expensive even if it is a used book. Another reason is because what I want for Christmas can't really be found or bought at a store and for whatever reason people tend to not believe me when/if I tell them these things that are found on my grown up Christmas list. For my personal list if you was to ask me here is what I want: for you to be my friend, which I tend to make more difficult than that initially sounds. It truly is that simple of a list, I don't need any expensive gadget or whatever is the next big thing just knowing I have a friend that is there for me. Since that list never cuts it I also find it amazing how difficult a time people seem to have finding me a gift (hint: you can even try asking one more time for me to do something with you and I might surprise you and say yes this time) but seriously books I can't feel guilty when I am gifted a book whereas I can sometimes feel when I buy that book I really wanted but need, well that could be argued. You know it always amazes and makes me happy when people will see something and they say they thought of you because that means they were listening or paying attention to something you said or did (also listening could easily be added to the grown up Christmas list because we all like to feel like we're being listened to when telling a story or that secret or something that you are going through). This time of year, as I recently put in a status on my FB page, can be a difficult time of year for people. It is a time with one of, if not, the highest rates of suicides which is heartbreaking (actually so no matter what time of year this happens). If I was to make my grown-up list a bit broader and not just include me here is what it would basically be this:

 That we would have a bit more patience and understanding. Not only during this time of year but the whole year around. For you see we truly don't know what others are going through. Recently I was in a store and was talking to an employee and had asked how his day was. When he greeted me he had a smile on his face and really friendly but when he answered my question he said he was having a long day and went on to say he had a lot on his mind. Just thinking about stuff. I didn't pry as to what was going on but said something along the lines of those days are rough and I hope things get better. Was there more I could've done probably I'm not sure but I will say that at the time I wasn't even going to ask how his day was going, which is rude on my part but I felt like I needed to ask and I did. And I think that's what I'm learning is that 1) you don't ever know what battle people are facing even if they have the biggest grin and seem like they have the perfect life and 2) it's not going to take a whole lot of your time to ask how someone is doing or take a few minutes to visit them. What seems trivial to you may make the biggest difference to someone. I've had people just randomly send a text or email and say something and it made my day and really encouraged me or someone has given me a hug when I needed it and just really helped. Never, ever underestimate what a kind word or deed will mean to someone even if it's just taking the time to listen, truly listen to them.

- To me the true meaning of this season isn't about the amount of boxes with your name on it or how much was spent or what is even in the boxes. When it's all said and done and people ask how was my Christmas I don't think about the gifts I got I think about who I got to spend the time with and hopefully we made memories. I mean it sounds like a cheesy Christmas movie I realize but it's true. I'll greatly appreciate those gifts that I may receive but I'm big on it's the thought that counts. I'm just adding to the cheesy factor, huh?! It's the truth though because for someone to even think about me or see something and they say I saw this and thought of you and had to get it for you or even taking the time to write a note or whatever I appreciate it more then I probably convey. 

How the Grinch Stole Christmas is one of my favorite books and cartoons to watch this time of year and I love this line:

And the Grinch, with his Grinch feet ice cold in the snow, Stood puzzling and puzzling:
"How could it be so? It came without ribbons! It came without tags! It came without packages, boxes or bags!" He puzzled and puzzed, till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before: "Maybe Christmas," he thought, "doesn't come from a store-- Maybe Christmas--perhaps--means a little bit more."


 I guess I just want my list to include more of me taking time for others even if it's something as simple as sending a Christmas card. And not getting frustrated at the long lines in the store or at the cashier who may be having trouble because to some degree everyone we meet is going through something. So I guess in essence my Christmas list is for me and others to be more kind, more patient, more understanding, take the time to listen and don't forget everyone you meet has a story, and is going through something be it good or bad so if they tell you a story or about something that's going on share in their excitement if that's the case or offer a shoulder, kind word or something if it's a struggle they are facing. As dorky and ridiculously cheesy as it is I truly believe we meet people for a reason be it in passing or we get to be around them for a bit longer.

I suppose I should add a Christmas song but for whatever reason this song came to mind as I was typing this...

Fill In The Blank(s)

Going to school I would sometimes get work sheets where there was a key with words and then so many sentences where I had to use those words to fill in the blank of those sentences. Sometimes the key would have more words than sentences which was probably the time I had the strongest dislike for those sheets. I bring those worksheets up because I, like I tend to do to often, got thinking and there are times I think we treat people like one of those fill in the blank worksheets but the only problem is we all to often are using the wrong key with the words to fill in the blanks (sorry over using that phrase). I think as we grow up and the people we interact with we build up a key of words we associate with certain kinds of people we meet, whether they truly fit those words or not. For example, I wear glasses, the most common (besides the ever popular four eyes) terms one hears is geek, nerd, and smart. I may fall into none,any or all of those categories but I just wear glasses because I can't see without them. Or maybe that cheerleader/model type person you see and automatically think is stuck-up/snobbish when in fact they are one of the nicest person you could ever want to meet. The examples are many but I'll move on to my next thought dealing with this. This would be the box of words we seem to automatically have available for when we're talking to certain people. Ever been talking to someone and they keep trying to fill in the next words you are going to say and they are way off. I'm guilty of doing all of the above examples and I've had them done to me. Or the ever popular I know exactly what you are talking about and they go on to give their own example of what you are talking about only for you to be sitting there thinking that is not even close to what I was talking about. So then you replay the conversation in your head trying to figure out what you said to make the person get to that conclusion. Sometimes when trying to tell something it's like when trying to tell a joke and a person keeps interrupting with what they think the punchline is to the point that by the time you get to the punchline you have 1)forgot it yourself, 2) it's no longer funny cause the rest of the joke has already been forgotten, 3) you can insert your own for number 3 cause I seem to have misplaced my example! I think to often we try to guess where the person is going with what they are saying that we never hear anything they are saying and that's a real shame. I'm one that it can take a while to get my words organized to say what I want to and then I still don't seem to quite get it right but often times in those breaks I wonder if a lot isn't getting added to those blanks and if so I wonder how much is way off. I often wonder how much of what I do say and what is heard is understood (cause I do know it is difficult to follow me and my very random thoughts in a conversation. I can barely keep up and I know where I'm trying to go) Maybe to a certain degree we all feel a little misunderstood or not heard and maybe we all are. I guess, if there was a point, it would be that perhaps we shouldn't limit the words that will be used to a key of the same old used words. Sometimes it's good to add to that list, sometimes it's good to forget you even have that list (I'm finding the older I get the easier that is becoming whether I want to or not!). Most importantly of all, at least to me, is to not think there is a fill in the blank we need to fill in but instead we just take the time to listen and if we find there is a blank that we didn't hear or wasn't said then ask the question that way the correct word is put in to that blank.

Thankful...yesterday, today and tomorrow

November - the month of thankfulness and if you have a Facebook account you no doubt see friends that write something they are thankful for each day. About this time is usually when those begin to stop showing up for whatever reason. Considering what has been showing up lately in my newsfeed those days of thankfulness have been a welcome sight this year. I need as many happy, thank God there are still good people out there stories as I can to counter the banter, blame game and all of the negativity that if I'm honest sometimes feels like it's winning. I saw a picture recently that was about giving compliments to the stranger you pass (or even someone you know) because life can be difficult and people can be mean and you don't know just how much that compliment could mean to someone because you don't know what they are going through. I like to think I've made a difference, however small by doing this, but I can't say. I can however say I know this to be true because it has happened to me. Point being you just don't know what the stranger you pass or even your friend you're sitting next to is going through and it doesn't cost you a thing to give a compliment that could give them the encouragement or smile that has been eluding them. Tearing people down is easy. Take the game Jenga for example set the game up and with a quick push the blocks tumble to the floor but to set the game back up again it takes a little longer to get the blocks straightened out and stacked back up. People are like those blocks when they've been knocked down it can take a little while to get them stacked back up. So why be so quick to knock those blocks (people) down why not do everything we can to keep them standing. Maybe I'm wrong or weird or both and so much more but I just think now, perhaps more than ever, one should take that breath that you was going to knock someone down with and try to build someone up, to encourage them.

Now back to the days of thankfulness. I've decided to include a short list of my own of what I'm thankful for not only for the month of November but yesterday, today and every tomorrow I live to see. I'm thankful for everyone I've met and everyone that is in my life because each and everyone has helped me in some way whether you know it or ever realized it. Though at the time I'm not very thankful I am thankful and grateful for every storm I've went through because it helped me see that it is okay to open up and trust people, it helped and continues to help my faith grow stronger and thus far I have won every fight though I've not escaped all of them without some scars but that doesn't make me weak it just reminds me that with God, perseverance, and a few good friends this to shall pass. I'm thankful for those friends that somehow put up with me even when I tend to try to hide or just get lost and don't stay in contact with them as well as I probably should. I'm thankful for my health, job, food, home and all of the places I've been fortunate to travel to. I'm thankful for how much I've matured and grown over the years and for the opportunity to continue on this path for I may not know where all of the unseen turns are going to take me it's a ride some aren't fortunate enough to take or ride for as long as I have. So to everyone that has had a part in my journey I most sincerely thank you but most importantly I thank God.