I know there is a lesson to be learned in every thing but some times I wonder if I've already learned it and just need the refresher course constantly to remember what I learned or perhaps I really haven't learned the lesson yet and I got to go through the whole thing again to try to get it. For example, several times throughout my life I've been told I was stubborn and never thought much of it. My thinking was I needed that to make it and besides it's the Irish roots in me! However, recently I was again told I was stubborn and this time it bothered me, not in the fact of who told me (I greatly respect them) or even being told it again but the fact that I realized this time that perhaps my stubborness is hindering me. Which then got me thinking is there a difference between determination and being stubborn? I'm still searching for the answer to that question so if anyone knows please enlighten me. I know I can be stubborn when it comes to change and that I can fully admit is plain old stubborness. There are other things I do that I think lean more towards just being determined to finish a goal instead of being stubborn (tired of reading that word yet?!). I guess it all comes down to the fact that I need to find that fine line between determination and stubborn (assuming there is one) and jump on over to the determined side. Sometimes these traits we think are helping us and make us a better person end up holding us back, guess that's the lesson I'm supposed to be learning right now.
You ever have someone tell you something and you think boy that could have been helpful years ago? I also recently had that happen to me...again, which will greatly explain the purpose of the last paragraph but first the reason to even write the last paragraph. For almost twelve years I have been haunted and plagued with regret of not waking my grandma up before I went to school on what was to be the morning she passed away. However, it appears this year is the year for me to see how I did the right thing and to finally let that regret go. It first happened on that day I got the hug from the elderly lady I went to church with that felt just like I was hugging my grandma. The second thing happened this past weekend when I was told something that finally made it make sense why I couldn't force myself to wake her up and why I'm now glad I didn't because had I done so it would've possibly been the most selfish thing I could've ever done. Now when that morning comes to mind I can for the first time ever honestly say I have peace about it and for that I thank God and the ones He used to let me finally realize the truth. I may face that regret about this situation again but I know I have something hidden in my memory bank that I can go in and get to remember the truth.
I occasionally catch myself thinking if I could only go back in time and do it over so I may realize the truth the second time around and not put myself through unnecessary things. However good that sounds in theory I know if it was to actually be possible for me I'd make the same mistakes and possibly even make it worse. I was also thinking about it and I thought if I did get a chance to live it over again and I did get it right that time that could mean that I never met the friends and people that have made an impact in my life and I would gladly face the same circumstances and make the same choices to stay on the road to meet the people I have throughout the years and have the people that are in my life right now.
Focus on God, not the fear, regret, or circumstance. * My new motto I'm trying to live by
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