This post is like a really bad amusement ride...just saying

Good grief apparently I got on the emotional roller coaster ride without knowing it and it is not a fun ride, not a fun ride at all. While wrestling for days of how to write what I want to write on here and if I should even write what I want to write I've ended up with not much of nothing because every thing I type ends up being deleted. So just a fair warning this post will probably be like the emotional roller coaster I seem to have been on. Such is life though, eh? 

So the following is what I had finally got completed as of yesterday while trying to write this:

Sometimes when I am listening to music I'll hear a certain line in a song and either think it or actually say out loud something along the lines of 'Ain't that the truth.' In my quest to find what kind of song/music I even wanted to hear today I heard the song Troubadour by George Strait and it got to the line of well the truth about a mirror is that it don't really tell the whole truth. It don't show what's deep inside, or read between the lines. I just love that verse. Maybe it's because I hate mirrors and will avoid them like the plague. Or perhaps because there is so much an over thinker and analyzer like myself can get out of that. Unless someone out there is the Evil Queen and has a magic mirror that will tell you who is the fairest of them all a mirror, like so many other things, can only show and tell a small portion of the story, or truth if you will. In today's society there is so much emphasis on beauty and to often when people look in mirrors they only see their flaws not the whole truth. They aren't seeing the whole picture of what's deep inside and forget to read between the lines. They completely forget and miss the fact that no matter what society tries to say the person looking back at them in that mirror is beautiful and amazing in their own unique way. It also reminds me of the song Beautiful by Group 1 Crew. Guess it's kind of obvious pretty much everything reminds me of a song. Anyway, I suppose the main thing I was thinking and am trying to type but having a difficult time getting out is that no matter what we see when we look at ourselves in the mirror or what you see in someone else we should always remember that it doesn't always show what's deep inside and isn't telling the whole truth...or something like that. It makes sense the way it is rolling around in my head but not exactly having an easy time getting my thoughts properly written down. I could understand if I was face to face trying to talk but generally I don't have this much trouble with writing.

Now to see if I can finally finish this post and hit publish because quite frankly I'm tired of seeing draft written by this. 

Some days are just days where I think I just need a hug and to have a good cry that is all. I think that must be the major loop on that roller coaster but it's all good and it eventually passes. Sometimes with the hug and/or cry and sometimes not but either way life manages to move on. For someone that doesn't particularly like to be hugged it can prove to be tricky when I actually get where I want/need a hug. As an introvert sometimes I rather like to do things by myself. Sometimes you get weird looks with that or if I tell someone I did something by myself they automatically assume it was because I couldn't find anyone to do whatever it may be with. Generally, that is a safe bet and you would win but there are times I choose to do things by myself. I need my alone time to recharge. Now I have found myself in a bit of a predicament because there is something I want to do and wouldn't mind doing by myself except I'm feeling guilty. Why, I'm not sure, but I'm feeling guilty that I want to do things by myself and then particularly that I wouldn't take a couple family members on this particular adventure because...well I don't really know the because. I hate feeling guilty when I really have no reason to and I don't understand why I feel the need to try to guilt myself because I want to do stuff by myself.  Anyway, I guess it's time I write what I have gone back and forth on writing on here and if you read it you're going to be like what was the big deal about writing it...and my answer is, I have no idea, no idea at all. 

So I used to some times hear people talk about their church family and to be honest I didn't get it. My thought was why are you calling them family you just go to church with them. It's kind of like how friends can feel more like family to you than the ones that are listed on that family tree. Shoot a lot of the time they even treat you better. Now after being at the church I go to for about 9 years now I think I finally understand why people will say they are family. Some of my best and closest friends I met at church. I'm one that I never really understand why people like me, pick on me I totally get cause I make it incredibly easy for that, but for someone to be my friend well the over thinking kicks in and it's just one hot mess. That's a whole other post to sit in draft mode for a long time. To continue with this one...I guess basically what I'm trying to say is not only am I so thankful and glad to have those close, and to be honest quite unexpected, friendships but I'm fortunate in that I can say they are family too. I'm glad for the ones that actually want to hang out with me, will listen to me, and let me ask my endless questions :) oh and the picking on because they have actually thrown in some quips about me being quiet and such that I hadn't heard and life is more fun when you can be around people that want to be around you and make you laugh. And I guess that's all I have to say, or all I'm going to, about that. 

Oh, on another and last, random thought I have been rolling around a couple of ideas about a story to maybe-possibly-but- probably- not- try to write. Ever since I went to the lighthouse I've been so very much wanting to try to write a story with a lighthouse setting. Not sure if anything will ever come about from it but at least with these little random ideas and the ones that will come to me by seeing some street signs or other things that will jog my imagination...well let's just say I can create little stories while I'm driving around. 

Well hopefully the next time I post something it's more well put together and all that.