This is just a test...

Sometimes life throws us tests, some we can see coming from a distance and some can kind of blind side us. Some are like pop quizzes and some you expect like that final exam at the end of the term. I don't like tests but I know I ain't getting out of this life without having to take some. One of my biggest fears is losing my vision, it's up there with fearing how I'm leaving this world (oddly I don't worry as much about when). I feel like a complainer for even writing about what I'm about to when I have so many examples of people that have/are facing much worse circumstances but I guess I'll go ahead and write a little about it. For a few months I've had some health issues that I won't go completely into but the main thing was with my vision. I thought it was just time to up the prescription and get new glasses and found out I had optic neuritis. No big deal really it lasts awhile heals on its own type thing. Had to have a test to check for something never heard nothing, still having terrible eye pain and blurry vision but had convinced myself it's in my head. This past week got a call from a neurologist the eye doctor referred me to and found out I still had really bad inflammation (guess I wasn't still imagining it after all) so I have to get five days of IV steroid infusions and couple tests make sure nothing else is going on. So see it really is no big deal but even though it's small I am learning so very much. I've had some major fears and worries pop up but then something clicked and I thought no this is just a test and with God I will pass. Not long before I got the call from the neurologist I had earnestly prayed if something is going on or even if it ain't please let me be able to find out just so I can know and quiet those fears and worries. Now I hate needles and have been dreading these infusuons but again thus far it has proved to actually be helping my faith grow. Here's how I am trying to look at it I am standing on that solid truth that I believe God is with me through this and it is only going to be a test but if it shows something else is going on I plan on still standing on that promise. Now I'm human and will lose focus may even take a step off and focus more and longer on the fears and worries but I will as quickly as possible run back to that solid foundation full of promises I know God will keep. Because sometimes it takes what can at times seem huge even though in my heart of hearts I know it ain't but it's got my attention and put me on a road that I need to be on. You know as stated earlier there are people that are facing much more and there's someone that has really shown me what it means to have faith during trials. I often times act like I ain't listening or paying attention but I notice so much more than it seems and I go back to what certain people have said during these times and it has really influenced me and they have or are currently helping me in my faith whether they'll ever realize it. And another thing is I really didn't want to tell anyone about all this I mean I don't even got all the answers or potentially don't and I'm a fairly private person but the ones I did mention they said they'd be praying for me and/or asked if I needed anyone to go with me for the injections, etc. And that meant a lot cause even though it's a terribly small test I'm going through they were willing to take time to ask if I needed anything. And I know that on those days I get to focused on the fears and worries if I can swallow my pride I could call them up and vent and/or just say you got a prayer you could spare for me. So I know this is going to end just fine and I'm gonna pass. There's a song that has the line I just feel like something good is about to happen...and I really do.


And this is potentially really weird to end with a quote from Doctor Who but it fits, at least with all the rest that's in my head but didn't write and in my opinion it's one of my favorite quotes (along with many, many more)