Driving through a storm

I had a fantastic opening sentence and a half way decent idea to write about but that was while I was trying to sleep and I knew  by the time I turned on the light and got my journal the thought would have left and unfortunately it didn't stick around so I could remember it this morning so this is the not nearly as good first sentence you get to read. And now if you so choose to continue reading you are stuck with the current thoughts rolling around in my head. I've pretty much given up trying to figure out how I get what I get out of the things I see around me and just try to take it and put it in my file for when it will help me at a later date or help me figure out what I'm currently going through or even use it to help someone else out. Yesterday I needed to run an errand and I decided to do that right in the middle of a severe thunderstorm because that's just what great timing I tend to have. I love storms but hate driving in them. It was a good one to with the can't even see the lines in the road or a car in front of you kind of heavy rain, windy and even some hail. In hindsight and even at the moment I realized this was the perfect real life analogy of the way I've been feeling and such. So I'm driving hoping I'm on my side of the road and thinking boy I'll be glad when I've drove through this storm (and how many times does that not apply to those 'storms' in life). Well I made it to my destination fine get that over with and I'm driving somewhere else and as I'm going down the road on one side of me is clearing up the light from the sun reflecting on the remaining clouds is making a beautiful scene and then on the other side it's dark, cloudy, lightening, it just looks like it could come another bad storm any minute and here I am driving down the road right between the two of these scenes. Now at this point I had a well huh if that ain't a perfect real life scenario of how life can be. Bear with me I went somewhere with this, it still probably won't make sense, but still bear with me. Picture it: in the little car called life and driving down the road and you look to the side and see what could potentially be a bad storm coming your way, or perhaps you're driving in that bad storm right now. So you're attention gets drawn, as it naturally would, to the storm and all that could happen in it but you take a quick glance away from the storm and something catches your eye. You turn your attention to the other side of the road and you see a clearing, I don't know maybe you even see a bit of a rainbow (I feel like I just turned into Bob Ross talking about what we are going to paint, just don't forget to paint a friend for your tree!). Anyway, you see that if you keep going you'll get to that clearing eventually. Even though you may have to face a few more storms before you finally reach that clearing you do end up getting there. Yeah, from driving through a storm I got the thought of how easy it can be to focus more or even get lost in the storm but if you remember to look back to the road you may find you aren't that far off of the trail and above all else you may see that clearing and realize that with one simple turn or even just staying on the road you're on your way to that clearing and the view is totally worth the storm that you just drove through. Doesn't always make it any easier or fun to have to drive through those storms, the real or hypothetical ones, but it's the journey to our destination where the stories get written, learned and shared and sometimes it takes a storm to finish or start a story. Just like that storm I drove through yesterday I've made it through the other side and to the clearing on my most recent storm and many I've had to face in the past. I know I got many more to to drive through on this road called life but storms are needed to appreciate the sunny days. Sometimes it's the only way I can finally see the clearing because the darkest hour is just before the dawn.

There's no real reason to adding the video, I guess if you gave me enough time I could figure out a way how it somehow goes with this, but I just really like the song and wanted to add a video just because so that's what I did!

Patience is a Virtue

Jonathan: Come on Evey faster!

Evelyn: Patience is a virtue!

Rick O'Connell: Not right now it isn't! 

 

Why am I starting this post with a quote from The Mummy, besides that it is one of my many favorite quotes from that movie, and I couldn't figure out any other way to start it out. Sometimes I feel like life is the Evelyn character and I'm Rick because some days I just don't feel like patience is such a virtue and I ran out of my supply, or more accurately I just misplaced it and no amount of retracing my steps is helping me find it. Or just for the fun of it here's another analogy, it's like not wanting to go for a ride but someone promising they won't go that far and you'll be back in no time only for them to get you in the car and their version of a not long car ride includes going through multiple counties and stopping for all kinds of errands all while they ask if you care if they go/stop here and you give your best evil look all while saying nope. Life is the driver and you are the passenger that got lied to and now are in a ride you are wondering when it will stop for a much needed break that will get you back to where you want to be. So in the real life version of that, because that has totally happened to me, I don't really have much control over when the person takes me back home but in my hypothetical life as the driver I do have a bit more control although sometimes I think I forget that and let life take over and drive me around in circles while I'm over there in the passenger seat having lost all patience and just not seeing the whole picture or point to any of this. Then suddenly, perhaps while sitting at one of the red lights that are holding forever, it suddenly dawns on me that I started out as the driver on this ride to begin with and I can take back control anytime I want to so just before that light finally turns green I put my life back where it belongs and take back over driving duties. Like it says in the song Not Gonna Die by Skillet, when life pushes me I push harder what doesn't kill me makes me stronger. 

 

Looking at a situation and seeing many, many different possible scenarios can be a blessing and a curse, some days I'd lean mostly toward curse.  For example, back to the patience example. I reluctantly can admit that I don't have much patience so it easily can get buried by all those scenarios I come up with in a situation or all those frustrations that I keep bottled up so that even when I try to retrace my steps I have my patience so buried with junk that I can't find it. Usually that means I'll only find it when I've really lost my patience and then enough of that junk gets moved so I find my little treasure of patience where it had gotten buried and promise that I will put it in a safe place so I won't lose it again, only to often to have that cycle repeated at some point again in the future. It seems I can't ever find a decent enough place to keep my patience so it won't get buried and I can remember where it is. Although there are times that I can see what has happened and to try to prevent a true loss of my patience I'll try to muster up enough courage to bother one of the very, and I do mean very, few people I can kinda sorta just a little bit open up to and get just enough out of that pit so it's not so full and the risk of an unnecessary eruption can be avoided. 

So I guess after many not needed analogies and the like the point is that patience really is a virtue and in every situation it's worth one more look to find it and make sure you have enough before you face something, or someone and end up saying or doing something without enough thought or patience that you have to eat your words and apologize for the wrong that may have been done. Easier said than done I know as for me I know I'm going to mess up but I won't use that as an excuse to not try to be prepared and potentially avoid a mess up. And when all my steps and tries still aren't enough and I mess up I just try to quickly make it as right as possible, apologize etc and say, 'uh, it's me again God. You know that one thing I thought I could fix and do alright on my own with, well turns out I was wrong I still need your help and most importantly forgiveness for....' I was once told we're not perfect but we just keep asking God to help us and I have to remind myself of that a lot. And I guess that's all I got to say about that, I got to go find my patience before it gets buried any deeper!

Typing the Night Away

I guess with my last post I should have put a footnote with the first paragraph. That note would have said, *Not every day that starts out and even stays overwhelming and/or bad am I able to just laugh it off and pretend everything is okay because some days it's just to much and all I can do is just throw my hands up and say I give up (end of footnote). As I posted on FB sometimes all you can do is sit down for a bit and think (really hope) that tomorrow will be better. I say all of that because go figure after I post that about bad days and laughing them away a couple days ago I had a really bad day and couldn't find anything to laugh, or even have a good cry over, so I did the throwing my hands up in defeat and frustration. Later in the day I found myself at a place I could just sit down by myself for a brief moment and not think or do anything but listen to the sound of water cascading over rocks which is so relaxing and calming. It's hard to be in a terrible mood while listening to that. And while on the subject of bad moods, apparently it's rare I show people my bad moods and what not because I had someone say you rarely ever let things get to you or have a bad day. It would seem I'm a better actor then I thought. It really does take a lit to get to me, well get where I'm vocal about it getting to me and will show that I'm bothered or will talk to someone about it. Granted, there are a few people that know me well enough that I can't fool them at all (they've not pushed the subject when I said nothing is wrong but I don't think I fooled them.) I am human and do have my limits and some days I just can't handle it as well as others, or what usually happens is I have tried to tuck away to much in a very limited space and a feather falls down on that pile and barely touches all that I've bottled up and before you know it....hello bad day and break down. As the saying goes, fall down seven times get back up eight (no matter how bad I fall on those terrible days what's important is that I get back up even if I have to ask for help.)

Have you ever been talking and/or listening to a conversation and someone will say you said something you know good and well that was not what you really said or even close to a summary to what you said. Makes you wonder what conversation they was a part of or where their thoughts was at when you said what you really did say. I guess it is true people hear and see what they want to, at least at times. I've occasionally tried to correct them but they always go back to the incorrect wording of what I said. Part of me wants to ask when I said that but obviously it wouldn't help or matter because they will always be convinced that is what I said. So I generally just say sure, or nothing at all, and correcting it in my mind or just thinking that is not what I said. I don't know maybe the way I talk or phrase things it does sound like that's what I'm saying and my true meaning and point isn't heard or understood. Oh well it is what it is and apparently sometimes I find it irritating.

You know if I could talk to people as easy as Ican animals, especially dogs, it would make things so much easier. I may could even have an easier to follow conversation with my friends for once in my life. Small talk with people equals awkwardness and panic but small talk with an animal I can do that because there's no pressure and they are great listeners! Of course my true friends have patience with me and for that I'm grateful so it's all good I reckon. Still it'd be nice if small talk, or at least talking in general, wasn't always so difficult.

Have you ever heard the saying, if your dog doesn't like someone you probably shouldn't either. I agree animals and even kids can be a fairly good judge of people. With that being said when that statement is pointed directly at me I would question whether it could be true or not. It seems I can fool dogs, generally anyway, and they like me. I had one follow me around at a park before and one walk with me from my car to my uncles house. So either I am good at fooling dogs (and people) and making them think I'm a decent person or I'm fooling myself to think I'm not a very good person, a combination of the two or there's nothing to said statement at all. I have more scenarios but by now I imagine you get the point and no need to write them. I don't have a dog so I'll try not to over think it and just be glad when a dog (and of course people) like me.

You ever have friends that are more like family. I like to call them framily - people that start out as friends but before you know it they become more like family then just friends. Those kinds of friends are the rarest kinds of friends which makes it even more special when you find them.

I think I'm finished now :)

One day I'll think of a good title...today is not that day

Ever have one of those days where so much goes wrong that all you can do is laugh (or cry but I try to laugh, especially if people are around). I had one of those today. It was one of those you might as well laugh about it cause getting frustrated about it doesn't usually end well. Would you look a-there I may have learned my lesson from that time I injured myself because of my lack of patience and abundance of frustration.

I hate how if someone gives me a compliment I automatically go to you got the wrong person and/or what do you want. After I remind myself to take it and say thank you and realize they meant it and no strings attached. It is nice to be thanked for something you do. Not that I do anything solely for that. I don't ever even want to do anything for recognition or to earn brownie points with someone. Anyway, point being I totally fail at accepting compliments and what not.

I love it how sometimes something as simple as a television show can connect you to people and you make great friends. I owe Doctor Who and Castle for letting that happen. In the case of Doctor Who there's a little boy that will come up to me now and talk Doctor Who. I love it cause it's interesting to see things, including that show, through his eyes but can I tell you a secret that little boy has taught me so much and not about a television show. When you see things through the lens kids see you get so much more of the picture and a more honest view. I've learned so much about my own walk of faith, or to be honest sometimes lack of it, when I see this young fellow ask for prayer for people and believing God will heal them and seeing him not be ashamed to be seen praying. People don't give kids enough credit. They remind you of the simple things and help you see things your adult eyes and way of thinking can so often prevent you from being able, or wanting to.

Speaking of God I've wrestled with a few things I've wanted to post and I'm still not sure if I'm supposed to make a post or if it's all just for me and where I'm at right now. So as I wait a while longer on that I do want to write a couple of things. First, why do we try to fit God in this itty-bitty box and limit Him then people will ask where are you God. In that box you shoved and hid Him away in. It's not that He can't but to often we hinder Him. Like those people that interrupt you every time you try to talk. I think we do that sometimes along with putting Him in that box. I recently had someone say I should be out of church by a certain time and I said not necessarily how you get that. And there response was well you're supposed to be (the time they gave would have me in church exactly one hour, no more no less). Apparently along with that life is fair when.. book I didn't get the book on correct church service etiquette. But that's an example of putting God in a box. It's like people say alright God I'll give you a couple hours on Sunday (including Sunday School) and an hour on Wednesday then you got to go back in the box until something is goes wrong then I'll come let you back out. We don't like it when friends only contact us when they want something and don't know us all other times yet we do God the same way sometimes. God's done to much for me to try to keep Him in a box and hidden until I need Him because I need His help and guidance everyday, all day.

Lastly, unlike a preacher saying they'll close ten times I really will stick with the two points I said I would, I often hear people say they say their a Christian and they said or did this. Said statement comes from Christians and non Christians alike. Many will say that person is a hypocrite and yes there are hypocrites in the church, always has been always will be down here anyway. A Christian isn't perfect they make mistakes but when they fall, and they will, they try to make it right and ask for forgiveness. And for the ones pointing fingers always remember you'll always have more fingers pointing back at yourself and that goes for anything and everything you judge others on for failing and such. Christians should be willing and ready to pray for, well everyone, but I also feel they should do so for that person that is struggling in an area. I believe we are all capable and have areas where we can help people. I believe people are in our lives for a reason and often times it's to help and encourage them through things they struggle with. So long story short don't judge if you ain't willing to help that person in whatever way you can because as I saw on a quote be an encourager the world already has enough critics. Love people, give them time and chances to grow before you go saying there's no chance and try to pull them up and discard them like a flower you planted and after one day said it's not going to do any good, there's no hope because there is always hope until the last breath.

Oh just another post

I was going to get on my soap box but decided nah, I'll just sit back here with my feet propped up on it and see where the topics of this post go.

Fall (or autumn, if you prefer the correct title), is finally here and I'm pretty excited. The weather is so beautiful this time of year cause you still get a few warm days but without that humidity it's nicer. I am, however, trying to keep thoughts of winter at bay. Enjoy the moment, right? No need dreading and fretting over something that may not be that bad and if it is I sure have no control over the weather, just how many layers and trying to limit my complaining and see the positive in it instead.

Working my life away, not getting nothing but a headache. Working my life away, ready for a vacay (vacation wouldn't really work). Squirrel! It happens...a lot. Love it when I say a phrase and it reminds me of something, generally a song, and I try to write my own version of said song to something. Fun times. Okay, lame but whatever it passes time by. I'm thankful for my job but sometimes it saddens me to realize just how much time I spend at work. There's no fulfillment, nothing to step back and look at and say I can make a difference. Oh well, guess it's a phase I'm going through and I think it's called Adulthood with Responsibility.

You ever said or did something you immediately thought why did I do that. Happens to me a lot. In fact, I need to get me a new book to write these moments in because my current one just got full! I end up sticking my foot in my mouth all the time. I saw a thing one time that said something like, 'remembers mistake made in conversation years ago...gets embarrassed again.' I do that all the time. With my most recent event I've kicked myself over it but then thought well this isn't helping. It is what it is if it's a major goof up there should be some scenario to fix it, fairly certain it's not the end of the world like I will make it if kept worrying

Time, I don't use it wisely...and this proves it

You ever notice how in television shows and/or movies when a person is typing it looks like they hardly ever hit the space bar and/or backspace. Just once I think they should make the person hit the backspace button and they should have it at a crucial part when the person has to type in a very important message. Picture it: action scene bad guy about to knock the door down, good guy typing in the life saving message to stop the bad guys and save the world, dramatic music playing in the background. Camera pans from bad guy to good guy typing. He's supposed to type: FANTASTIC CODE GOES HERE but instead types I FORGOT MY LINE....he still saves the world just in time.

Ever notice if you say Hyundai a lot it sounds like someone saying Hi Andy. Let's not forget the Yukon, I can't see one of them without saying Yukon do it...you know cause Yukon sounds like someone saying You can. What can I say, sometimes music isn't enough to pass the time by while I drive. And the truth is...shiny...seriously it takes absolutely nothing and everything to distract and humor me so I take whatever I can and run with it, metaphorically speaking of course cause I can't eveen safely speed walk.

Things I don't understand:
- Why I wrote the previous paragraphs
- What is so difficult about merging...there are signs and arrows painted on the road warning you the lane ends. Yet people will still get to the end and suddenly panic and not want to get over like they think maybe if I sit here long enough a lane will magically appear and keep going. It won't, please just give up and finally merge so we both can continue on our journey.
-Why autocorrect is like some people and thinks it knows what I'm trying to say and fixes it before I'm done and I think nope that's not where I was going with that how about you just let me finish saying it and mess it up on my own.
- Why politicians suddenly turn into five year olds at election time (okay all the time but way worse at election time.) All the commercials sound like a whiny kid saying (s)he took my crayon (or potential vote) now let me kick, jump and scream and talk about what a big meanie my opponent is. Really? Just, really? Look I vote because I appreciate and respect the hard fight to get me that right but those commercials are beyond a waste of money that could go to actually, oh I don't know, help people (gasp! what an outrageous thing to think I know.).

I think that will conclude my Things I Don't Understand list. I think that will conclude this post.

Ooooh one last one if you read all of that I don't understand how you did but hopefully you at least laughed once cause saying this was such a waste, mess or just no thought at all to sum up what you just read is a safe bet to occur.

A Ride on Random Express

Figured it's about time for another ride on the Rambling Express, so if you got your ticket and are ready...All aboard!

(If you are on FB you will have already read about this first tidbit of information so you can read it again since I will no doubt add something different or skip to the next paragraph.) About a month ago I had sent in a poem to a contest held by a publishing company. Last week-ish I got a letter from them and it stated my poem had advanced to the semi-finals and because of that it would be included in the multi-volume books it would publish of the poems sent in from this current contest. Now if you read that post about me sending a poem in I had said that all I wanted was for it to get to the stage where I could say I had a poem published so for that to have happened I am very happy. Granted, not bragging on my writing because sixty to seventy percent of the poems advance to the semi-finals. I'm not really expecting  to go any further but if I do that's fantastic. So I posted a picture of the letter on FB and got some super nice comments and such that I really do appreciate and I had a cousin that wanted to know what poem I had submitted so I copied it in the comment section so she could read it. And to be honest her comment probably meant more to me then reading the letter that I had gone on to the semi final round. She stated that she could relate to the poem and other stuff but that part meant a lot because that particular poem is 100% me and for someone else to read it and say I feel that way too it's something I guess everyone breaths a sigh of relief that they are not the only one. Because that poem is so much of me the comments, making it on to the next, all of it just means a lot because I'm not always, or even very often, an open book are a very easy one to read and to share my writings makes me always feel very vulnerable.

Well that was a beautiful quick little stop, now it's time to go on to our next stop and on the way I would like to take this time to ramble about another little thought I had while driving home last night and that was life is like a waiting room. Most everyone has had to be in a waiting room of some sort at some point in your life be it waiting on a doctors appointment or waiting in a hospital waiting room for news of some sort. When you're in these waiting rooms you may bring a book, catch up on the latest pics and quotes uploaded to FB, flip through the magazines in the waiting room, talk to a stranger or family member, or maybe even find it's the perfect time and place to say a prayer. Sometimes I feel like I'm sitting in life's waiting room while I'm waiting on perhaps news of some sort, deciding which particular road I should take on my latest journey in life, or whatever else could be added. Just like how when you're in the waiting room at the doctors office sometimes waiting in life's waiting room can seem to take forever and you are never going to hear your name called and be able to go through the door and proceed to the next part of your journey. Kinda, but not really, like how what you bring to the real waiting room to help pass the time by can really help make sure the time passes by how you decide to pass the time by and what you bring along while you feel like you're in that waiting room can not only help the time pass by but help you potentially grow while you are waiting and that can sometimes be the biggest lesson learned and the most profound experience that we'll always remember and not what happens when we hear our name called and we get to walk through the door to the next round.

I sometimes think I drive to long to have thoughts like that but then they seem to pop up when I'm trying to sleep to so there really is no escaping them. We're having a brief delay while another train comes through you may take this time to get up and stretch or what have you at this time we're not sure how long the delay will be but thank you for your patience.

Alright, looks like that didn't take to long now we can continue with our journey. I'm one that believes that actions speak louder than words and treat people how you want to be treated because I see everyone as a story, weird perhaps but I do, to me we're all a living breathing story that whether we know it or not or even believe it has more people to share it with then we may ever realize and more people that it will help in ways we may never fully know or understand. Where am I going with this? I have absolutely no idea I am just typing what pops in my head cause I was tired of seeing the cursor blinking at me.Something happened the other day that just kind of got me thinking maybe I make a bigger impact on people than I even realize. Whether I do or not I'll probably never truly know or even believe if I did happen to find out but what I do know is that I always want to take the time to get to know people, to know their stories and make sure they know their story matters. Many of those stories, and most definitely the people behind them, have helped me in ways I can never repay or truly thank them. You know how sometimes in wills or whatnot they say a person has to wait until a certain age to receive a particular item(s) I sometimes wonder if life doesn't come with a will of some sort (bare with me I do know where I'm going with this one). For months before I turned 30 I was full out panicking about it now that I've been this age for a few months I am loving being thirty. Apparently, thirty was my year to receive a few things that wasn't quite available to me in my twenties. This year, in particular the last few months, it's like I got a package and I was finally allowed to open it and with that I got some long awaited knowledge and acceptance of myself. I look back and I see that I stayed in some places to long and some not enough but everyone got me to this point and this road I'm on now though it may have pot holes, curves and hills the ride I'm in is making it feel like a smooth ride. I got to remember to keep up the maintenance of my ride and there's going to be times no matter what I do it won't be so smooth but all in all thirty has been my favorite birthday and year so far.

Well that was quite the random stops we had on today's ride but I thank you for riding along. Just because this quote from Shrek has randomly been floating in my head I'll leave you with it and thank you for riding this weeks Random Express.

Shrek: For your information, there's a lot more to ogres than people think.
Donkey: Example?
Shrek: Example... uh... ogres are like onions!
[holds up an onion, which Donkey sniffs]
Donkey: They stink?
Shrek: Yes... No!
Donkey: Oh, they make you cry?
Shrek: No!
Donkey: Oh, you leave 'em out in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin' little white hairs...
Shrek: [peels an onion] NO! Layers. Onions have layers. Ogres have layers... You get it? We both have layers.
[walks off]
Donkey: Oh, you both have LAYERS. Oh. You know, not everybody like onions. CAKE! Everybody loves cake! Cakes have layers!
Shrek: I don't care what everyone likes! Ogres are not like cakes