Life

Back in September I wrote a post about an elderly lady that I went to church with and a visit I had with her. Yesterday I heard where she passed away.  I have no doubt she got the ultimate win and is seeing some amazing things in heaven right now. I have to say it is so odd because I haven't really cried since I found out but I've felt peace and I smile when I think about her. To no ones fault but my own I did only go see her that one time and I do regret that but what a great visit that was. Just like I wrote in September every time since that day I think about her I remember the hug I got from her before leaving. I'm not a fan of hugs but that truly is a hug I'll cherish and remember as long as I live. It's still throwing me how I'm dealing with the news cause it's so out of character for me. I feel bad and pray for peace for her family during this time but when I think of her I, at least right now, can't feel sad cause I know she's not in pain and I don't think we have words in any language to describe what she is seeing and feeling right now. Again, it is odd cause it's not like  this thought hasn't occurred to me about others I've had to say see you in a while but with them I've cried. Maybe this time I'm not being as selfish and I'm thinking more about the person than me. Either way I am truly thankful I did get to go one time and see her before she passed away and I'm glad that I got to meet her and she was a part of my life.

One thing that doesn't change is how I go through these spells of thinking and wondering about life and death especially after someone I know passes away. Life and death is just so strange. I'm not going to lie, I'm afraid of dying, more about how it's going to happen and if it's going to be painful. It never made sense to me when people would say you're young you got plenty of time to do whatever. That must be in their little book of life that I apparently didn't get a copy of but youth is no guarantee of a long life left. My ultimate goal and wish is that however long I live I treat people right and maybe can make some kind of positive impact so that when I do die they can smile when they think about me and hopefully can say and be right when they say I'm in a better place. Life and death, can't have one without the other but if you live right and to you're full potential I think and hope that it makes it a bit easier to face death and of course my faith will make it easier. This has been kind of a morbid post, eh? My bad didn't mean for it to be if it is taken and does sound that way.