Time...where have you gone?

Time is an unusual thing, it never stops and all to often gives you the answer whether you're ready for it or not and all to often before you even have a chance to ask or think the question. It's like when your young and everyone seems so old and it feels like it's going to take forever to grow. Those days you think time is playing a cruel joke holding the pause button on the remote of life and then you grow up and are begging time to hit the pause button because it's going by so fast and you finally begin to realize how precious time is. Yesterday I got to see an old neighbor (she is elderly but in this case the old is more for she is no longer a neighbor) and I guess this is why I'm on the time thing. That is another example of how you will think or be missing someone and some time later your paths will cross because I hadn't seen her since she had gotten sick and she told her son she wanted to come see me and my dad. It was nice getting to talk to her again. The road I live on, like every thing in life, has changed so much over the years and I miss how it used to be. That's another funny thing about time, when you're in the present all to often you don't enjoy it but after it's been gone for some time you look back and see how good it was and would give just about anything for it to be like that again. Maybe not everything but there is usually at least one thing that makes you pull out the files from the past in your head. This particular neighbor, no matter what all she has done, I will always have to give her credit that she always remembered me on my birthday and would often times send me a card and $5 or something like that. Might not seem like much but it meant a lot and to be honest that is more than a lot of my own family did. Let me add that it wasn't even about the card or money it was the fact that she remembered. We may not be able to stop time or physically go back in time but if we remember to slow down and make memories to carry with us then I think we might have beaten time in the long run.

Random thought but the other day I had the usual conversation started with someone and when they asked how I was I said good. Now as most know this is usually the end of it and you move on but this person looked at me and asked, 'Are you sure?' To them I said yes but in my head I'm thinking, well I was pretty sure until you asked and of course then as I tend to do my mind goes to more reasons then should even be possible to why they asked that. They also brought up a good point how I need to have more confidence in myself and how I can only change that. It's not that I don't know this it's the actual doing that I have problems with. It's an automatic reaction for me to joke and basically put myself down before anyone else can. I honestly sometimes don't even realize I'm doing it until I replay the conversation and do the face palm when I realize I did it again. I did, however, see a picture of myself and although I cringed I still found something positive to say and like about it and trust me that is a huge step for me. As I was told I'm a few years behind on figuring this out, well again I think I've known for some time it's just the actual doing that I get stuck in, but I'll take any small step in the right direction in building confidence in myself.