Recently I was in Lifeway and was walking through the book section because I can't go in a store and not look at books. Before I even go on what follows is nothing against the store Lifeway nor any of the books/products that are found in the store. If you've ever been in there you've no doubt seen those racks they have in the middle with these booklets that focus on specific areas people may want help in figuring out how to change. Normally, I go right by that and straight to another area of the books. Nothing against them, specifically those booklets, because I'm sure they have helped people but me personally I can't read them because inevitably they just end up causing me more confusion then helping. With that being said for some unknown reason I was walking by on my merry little way to the other books when I saw one of those booklets (or whatever you call them) and noticed one titled friendships. Again for whatever reason I stopped and picked it up. Opened it up to a random page, like you do, and it just so happens I turn to a page that is talking about self-absorbed friends. It had bold faced titles and examples of these people. The first one included pride then I skipped down a couple and saw a title followed by the example of shy. Now that one really got my attention so I then skipped down to the paragraph below these examples and read the first couple of sentences. It basically was saying these types of friends can be bad, now it may have ended with a but wait these can be good friends to have if...but I didn't get that far. After I read that first part I had a I...but wait...yup...nope moment and just closed it and put it back. This is not the first time I've ever heard being shy described as being selfish in some way. It could be argued that this is bothering me because there is some truth to it and that may be the case but I don't think it is 100 percent the reason and here's why. First, this is why I have such a problem with labels and trying to fit people in a category because of certain traits they have. To me people are more than just labels and besides that I think it's safe to say that no one 100% falls under a specific label. For some they are quiet around large groups but get them around their close friends and they are very talkative yet they get the label of introvert, quiet, or shy. There are a lot of factors in how people are around others and to restrict them to one specific label well you only restrict yourself from potentially getting to know one of the best people you may ever meet. To say a person is selfish because they are quiet is just ludicrous to me. Rich, poor, quiet or loud if you are human you have it in you to be selfish and because one is quiet does not automatically mean they have selfish motives or are self absorbed. I don't fully understand why there seems to be this stigma for quiet people. Not to do a woe to the quiet people because there is some level of negative for every thing but I know quiet and I can talk about what I know. Or should I say I know certain levels of quiet but there are so many different kinds of quiet (just more proof why you can't definitively label someone). Have I ever done anything with selfish motives? Yeah, I may not remember an exact event but I think it's safe to say at some point in my thirty years I have. Was it solely because I'm shy/quiet? No, that quite possibly didn't even influence it. I think it's bothering me because I'm not fully understanding how or why they get that a shy person is being selfish. From my perspective of my shyness I've not ever thought watch this I'm going to act like I can't go up to this person and ask them for something so I can con someone into doing it for me. Nope, nine times out of ten, I've wrestled with it and played scenarios of the conversation in my head and did the whole come on April it's not that bad you can do this in my head (see we really don't need anyone reminding us it's not that difficult or I don't understand why you can't just go up there and ask, etc.) Because it's so fun constantly being told you are so quiet, or why don't you just ask/talk it's no big deal. I think people say that as a means to try to lighten it up and not make the issue at hand as serious but it just does the opposite, at least for me. If it bothers someone, no matter how little or much, it's a big deal to that person. Reading that whole thing just made me wonder and kind of realize just how much quiet people are misunderstood. It's almost like it's considered not normal to be quiet. It's like everyone is constantly saying be yourself but they forget that sometimes being oneself is actually being quiet and that's okay. A person shouldn't be made to feel bad because they like to take a few minutes to get just the right word to answer a question they were asked, or they are no good at small talk but get them talking on a subject they enjoy and you may just find you can't get a word in, and so on of examples of what sometimes people try to portray as there's something wrong with you because you like to do them. Just like we all like different foods, even eat the same kind of foods differently each personality trait has an advantage, and yes sometimes a disadvantage. I know for me I test my friends patience because it takes forever for me to truly open up and God bless the few true friends I have because with all my quirks good and bad they still consider me a friend. I've recently found and been reading several articles on introverts and highly sensitive personalities and one, it's fantastic to finally read something that describes me and has actually helped me better understand my personality. I wish I could find the link to one I recently read but it mentioned in it how people need introverts if for nothing else but for us to listen and another one mentioned how it's good to know a highly sensitive person because they have the empathy that you sometimes need when you are going through something. I think it's safe to say everyone has something in their personality that they need to work on but I guess my whole point of this is just because a person is quiet don't automatically assume they need or even want to change. I've seen this quote that says 6+3=9 and under it will have 5+4=9 and it says something about how they both have the same answer but were gotten in different ways. Just because someone gets an answer different than you doesn't make them wrong. It kind of ties in with this you may answer a question and take five minutes to answer it but I may answer it with a simple yes or no but that doesn't mean my answer is wrong or any worse than yours. There are many aspects of what makes a good friend, not just how much they talk and curiosity is almost making me want to go back and find that page to finish reading the paragraph but when it comes right down to it I don't need a book to tell me that friends come in all different packages and they work. It doesn't matter how or why but what matters is you find those friends that even if from the outside person it looks like you all would never get along you do. Sure you got to watch out for those toxic friendships, I mean let's be real everyone that calls you friend is not going to be your friend. In that aspect no matter what else that book says I agree you have to be careful in your friendships in choosing them and making sure you are also being a good one. I don't think I'm getting what I want to say fully across so I'll end it with the simplest most basic way I know how to say it. I can be labeled as a quiet, shy, introverted, highly sensitive person but in the end I am just me doing the best I can be. If that means that in the end I'm a decent friend, thank God because I want to treat people the way I want to be treated....yeah I totally didn't say what I wanted to say but hopefully it makes some sense to the whole two people that will read this!
For the record totally not writing this fishing for a comment (honest to God...I don't do well with comments, good or bad)
No comments:
Post a Comment