And so it goes...(that has nothing to do with what you are about to read)

You ever get those feelings that something is going to happen? Intuition, a joke, real or a hoax I don't know but sometimes I do that. I usually try to ignore it and pass it off as my personality getting the best of me but sometimes I just can't shake it. When I just can't shake it I tend to start listening then because I figure it ain't worth taking a chance on it just being a joke at that point. I had originally planned on going to a particular destination for my vacation this year and was really looking forward to it. Except it slowly started when I'd think about it, particularly one area I'd be going to, I'd get the feeling I shouldn't go. Then people would give me looks and say oh you better be careful. So after that I just played it that I was just feeding off what others had said. Until today and I started looking at directions and such again and I got the most awful feeling of dread I'd gotten. So after talking with my cousin that is going with me I made a remark of somewhere we could go to make up for it. Now I thought if this is just a joke I'll feel bad for changing the plans and still want to go. As soon as we decided it'd be better to change plans and our new destination will be perfect I kid you not I got this feeling of peace and like a burden lifted. So, real deal or ain't no way, I'm glad I listened this time and perhaps I should listen a little bit more often and carefully.

On a whole other level of random, I have recently hit a slump in this losing weight/getting in shape road I'm on and was getting very discouraged. I try to spend my lunch break jogging, and by jogging I mean doing so in place in the house because I will not run outside and if anyone ever sees me doing so don't ask questions just run in the direction you see me running because my life is in danger. Usually in all honesty that doesn't last to terribly long until the other day I made it longer than I ever have and then today I beat that record by 5 minutes. I'm finding out just how much a difference I can make in this journey by what I say to/about myself. It definitely helps that I have some very encouraging people around me that will say they can tell a difference and just positive things. If any of you have done so and actually read this thank you, seriously I really do appreciate it. I may not accept the compliment very well when you say it but you have no idea how much it has helped me. Sometimes I get so focused on the number on that evil scale and forget how much I have accomplished so it's nice to have an occasional reminder. And I know that in the end I'm the one that has the ultimate control over it and I have to change my way of thinking and pat myself on the back for the small goals I reach, which by the way I most definitely did congratulate myself on this recent goal I finally reached.

The Well

Growing up, and even still to this day, I'll hear people talking about going to the well to get water. In many areas to this day that is the only means to get drinkable water. A person can go more than three weeks without food but  not more than three days without water, generally speaking anyway. Now for those people that have and/or are still using wells as their source to have water they are going to put a cover over that well so trash isn't put in or animals don't get in it. We need water to drink to survive, to cook our food and many other things. It's a very precious thing so when your only means of getting it is from a well you are going to take all precautions and means necessary to make sure your water doesn't get contaminated, right? Right. Why am I saying all of this? I'm so glad you asked! There is a song that I absolutely love called The Well by Casting Crowns. I've heard this song countless times but last night I heard it and I had an epiphany of sorts. To me my mind is like my well (it could be argued your heart is but for the purpose of this blog just work with me). My mind holds contents that helps me survive, helps me remember how to get to places, how to do various functions, etc. Basically without my mind, my well, I'm not going to be able to function very well. So why am I sometimes not so careful about putting my cover on and am careless on what I let in my well. Now I have my own list of what falls under what I shouldn't let in and focus on that could affect my well and thinking and it's going to be different than most others so I'll let my list be personal because that's not the focus of this. My point is I sometimes forget that I have more control and a say on what I listen to, be in my own thoughts or whatever, and to often I leave the guards down, or the cover off, and I let the trash in. It's easy to let it in, and many times not even realizing it, but when you start seeing it pile up it can be time consuming and sometimes challenging to get rid of it (i.e. change your way of thinking). We've all seen a section of a highway people have used for their own personal landfill and pieces of trash lying around. It doesn't look pretty. I've heard people say it's just a piece of gum wrapper, or a little water bottle, it isn't going to hurt anything. Maybe, but if everyone thinks that, than soon that one piece of trash very rapidly turns into hundreds, if not thousands of pieces of trash on the side of the road. Same thing with thoughts and what we let in our wells. One thought can quickly turn into many and soon you may be believing those lies that you are worthless (just an example) or whatever. So basically listening to that song again last night reminded me I need to be more careful of what I let in my mind, because it's very important to not let my well get contaminated.

Here's the song that was mentioned earlier and started this whole post.

Comfort Zone

I like my comfort zones, they are familiar and I have a certain amount of control over what is changed and when that change occurs. That is great for someone that doesn't like sudden change and can take years to make one little change that to the outsider seems a simple fix but to me not so much. With that being said, sometimes comfort zones can get very boring and seem like you're not getting anywhere or anything done. And that is where I'm currently finding myself. So I'm walking the perimeters and all areas of my little comfort zone in trying to figure out why I am so bored and just where I need to be to take that first step out away from where I am. For awhile now I've just been trying to sit back and take a break because I have been making small (to outsiders but huge to me) changes and been redecorating my comfort zone in a sense. The break didn't last as long as I expected so now I find myself trying to decide how and when to tackle this next round of cleaning up and fixing. You know people are always saying don't look back and/or don't live in the past and I completely agree except sometimes I find I have to take a glance back to assure myself  I really have stepped out and am making changes because to often when I'm just looking ahead I get overwhelmed by what looks like an endless list of things I need to change or roads I want to take and part of me will want to run back to my comfort place and hide to never come back out again. However, when I take that glance back I see just how far I've made it and survived so when I get where I want to run back sometimes I just step to the side and give myself a little pep talk, you know the whole look how far you've come now you may have to take more stops but you can do this. Now I try not to look back to long and I sure don't try to take any steps forward while looking back cause I barely can walk while looking in the right direction without tripping. I've gotten where even when I do run back and build some walls up I don't, or try not to, knock myself down but instead say plot twist and just give myself some time and learn what I got to do to make it further and closer to my goal the next time I take that route. I'm probably making this sound like I'm just skipping my way out of my comfort zone while singing a little song with a little bird whistling along but I really don't. I'll argue with myself a lot of the steps on the way and struggle with if I'm making the right decision. If it was easy I wouldn't be able to appreciate the hard work it took me to finally make the changes to be who I want to be. I also tend to not ask for advice or help very often but it is nice to know that the very select few (seriously I can count them on one hand) I trust to actually talk to will be there to listen. Anyway, I didn't write that how I intended when I started and it probably makes absolutely no sense but basically here's to those of us who struggle to step away from our comfort zones and may we remember to pat ourselves on the back for the accomplishments we make along that road.

Driving My Life Away

Yesterday I had to go get the oil changed in my car and when I paid for it the guy said, 'You sure do a lot of driving.'  I found it amusing and just laughed and agreed with him. As I was leaving I thought, I didn't buy the car to set in my driveway and look pretty (I will neither confirm nor deny if said statement was said aloud or not!). Although in hindsight a hilarious response would've been, 'Ooh I'm driving my life away, looking for a better way, for me...' (the Eddie Rabbit song, in case no one has heard it).  I would use other means of transportation but where I live if you want to get anywhere you gotta get in the car. I mean I have to go to a bordering county (about 20 miles one way) to even go to a theater to see a movie. Now I'm getting in better shape but there just ain't no way I could ride a bike that far. Well, maybe I could but it would take me forever and a day. I tend to get restless so I'll get in the car drive around and listen to music. Besides if I have the means and want to go somewhere I'm taking it while I have the opportunity. I jokingly say I have to get out of the county every now and then, and by that I mean at least once a week, just to make sure it is still possible to get out of the county. Not to mention I have the best conversations and am able to better sort out my thoughts while driving.

Onto my next random subject now.

Have you ever had anyone say, 'you look just like so and so' (I'm still waiting to meet someone named so and so by the way). I personally don't care because I just don't put  that much stock in looks. After all they can fade and be changed, be it naturally with age or if you got the money by the finest plastic surgeons. I'm personally not that good at playing that whole game of who do they look more like. How I act has always been more important to me than who I look like or how I look. I'll never meet societies idea of beautiful so I just get where I'm happy with how I look and go on to the more important things in life. I love how you also get the whole you act just like so and so (I'd make up a name but my luck I'd have a family member named that and by some unbelievable chance they'd read this and take it all wrong). Although I hate how people use that reason as a total cop out to excuse and continue to act in ways that are unnecessary (rude, mean, etc.). I've picked up some very handy and some outright terrible habits be it by outright inheriting it or by osmosis of the ones I am around or see. I continue to work very hard to break and get away from those not so good habits. Lastly, I love how when you do or like something (a certain genre of music, book, movie, etc.) that family members will say I just don't know who you took that back after. I keep waiting for someone to break out that handy dandy book, 'Characteristics of (insert family name here) Family: Past and Present. to try to find someone to blame for that particular characteristic. Somewhere, some day there will be an app for that! I just don't understand why everything has to be about who you took that back after. Can there not be certain things that I just do because that is me. Basically, I have no problem giving credit where credit is due and I have gotten some fantastic traits passed along the gene pool to me but a lot of who I am is also based on so very much more too. I'm a hodgepodge of so many different people and things but in the end all I am is me.

Introvert I most certainly am

I hate when I'm included in an email conversation or an actual group of people and I'm quite content standing in the background listening, voicing my thoughts in my head, when someone turns to me and says, 'What do you think?' (or some variation of that question.) My first thought is Nooooo! My invisa-shield is broken, they have spotted me! My second thought is I'm not entirely sure where the conversation is at now since I'm still on the multiple ways to phrase a possible response to the part of the conversation that was five minutes ago. So I quickly pick one of the few old faithful and short phrases that should be an appropriate response. This recently happened to me on an email conversation at work. Which, by the way, had to do with an area that I really don't like of my job anyway. Seriously it is my archvillian, it is my Lex Luthor to Superman, my Daleks to The Doctor. Every time I think I have it conquered it shows up again to annoy me in some way. Anyway, I hate that feeling of panic when you realize there is no way of getting out of saying some kind of response to a conversation when I was perfectly okay not saying anything at the moment. I mean I was still working on the perfect response! This kinda-sorta-maybe-not really has something to do with that previous paragraph but I was recently reminded how all of my life I've always had people around and/or show up that would stick up for me and pick on me (all in good fun of course cause what's life without good jokes and laughs? Boring, that's what!). For example, back in school someone was picking on me (not the just joking among friends kind) and before I had a chance to even react someone stood up for me. I'm one to avoid conflict/confrontation as long as possible, not to mistake that for weakness but I'll exhaust all other means before I bring out the conflict/confrontation card. That's beside the point, if I have one, it is mainly that I don't know why people want to take up for me but it's nice knowing I got some people that have my back, even when I don't even realize I need it. I guess God was like, poor kid is going to take the long scenic route to find her voice and place in this world I'll have to make sure to place people in her life to help her find that voice and stick up for her. I had more I intended to write about that but alas those thoughts seem to be lost and will probably only be found again while I'm driving and get lost in thought or while trying to go to sleep and suddenly to many tabs start opening up in my brain and I have to go through and close enough so I can get to sleep.

All that talk about friends suddenly got the song You've Got A Friend in Me stuck in my head so I figure why not include a video of that to end this post.

Blue Smoke

Last night I got to cross another thing off my bucket list by seeing Dolly Parton in concert (I had seen her at the Grand Ole Opry some years back but she only sang three songs and didn't have much time). I must confess I had a big goofy grin and tears in my eyes because I was so very happy and thankful I was able to be sitting there listening to her sing and tell stories as only Dolly can. I will attempt to retell some of those but my apologies because I'll not write them near as good as she told them. The concert was about two hours long and she sang songs from her new album, Blue Smoke (if you don't have it yet go buy the CD or download it), as well as some of her most well known and loved hits from the long extensive career. I'll be honest I was a little worried when the concert started because the sound wasn't good at the venue I was at and I couldn't hear the first song but thankfully it got straightened out. Enough about that, let's get to the details of the concert!

She told how she and her husband are soon to celebrate 40-something years of marriage and how it was the only marriage for either of them. She said I've been married to the same man all these years but as many things that I've had nipped and tucked my husband swears he's been married to at least three different women! Before she sang the song Jolene she told how a woman really had been flirting with her husband then she said I kept my husband and made enough money from the song to buy a couple of wigs. One of, if not, my favorite songs by her is Coat of Many Colors and she talked a little about her mom before she sang that. You could tell how much she loves and misses her mom. She played the auto harp on that song and before she started singing she said every time she sings that song she feels like she's holding her mom in her lap while she is playing the auto harp. She talked a lot about her faith in God and sang a medley of religious songs including my favorite, Precious Memories.She said how she thanked God everyday for her blessings and for her fans because they have helped her live her dreams. Her grandpa was a preacher and she told how he would sometimes tell her not to wear that makeup because she wasn't going to get into heaven with all that and she told him, well I really do want to go to heaven but do I have to look like hell. Her father couldn't read or write and that inspired her to start her Imagination Library program that is now  world wide. She sang a lot of songs that were influenced from being raised in the mountains and talked about her dad She talked about him and how he was a farmer and he went up north to Detroit to work at a factory but he missed the mountains, his wife and family so came back after a couple of weeks. As she was talking you could tell she was trying to hold back the tears and she said I don't want to get all emotional so she then went to sing the song Smoky Mountain Memories (a beautiful song by the way). I loved how she said that she thinks one of the best gifts God gives us is memories because with beautiful memories no one ever really leaves us and if we miss someone or start missing home we can just go back and pick up a memory that can take us back to those people and places. Before she started singing one song she said I have to sing this song every time or someone gets mad. Then she asked do you all like sad songs, I love them but this one just made me plumb pitiful. The song was Little Sparrow, a song I love but will have to agree with her about just how sad it is but some of my favorite songs are just absolutely, unbelievably sad. Now to some more of the funny little things she did/said. She played the banjo, dulcimer, harmonica, penny whistle, guitar and fiddle. Oh, but I can't forget the saxophone, on one of instrumental parts of a song she brought out a little (literally) saxophone and said I got this little saxophone and I'm feeling a little 'saxy' and I'm going to try to play it for you. I've been practicing. When she was playing the banjo during one song a string broke and after she finished she said I don't have time to change it but I got one more song to sing and play the banjo so I'm just going to play a four string banjo for you. Lastly, as she was taking the guitar strap over her head to give it back to the person that was getting it from her she started fixing her hair and said I don't want to break my hair. Some of the songs she sang from her new album included: Blue Smoke, Don't Think Twice and Banks of the Ohio. Then some of her other hits she sang included: Why'd You Come In Here Looking Like That (love this song), Two Doors Down, Old Flames Can't Hold A Candle To You and 9 to 5. She sang I Will Always Love You as her encore. It was a great show and if I never get the opportunity to see her again in concert, but I hope I do, I'll always cherish this concert. I recently saw an interview with Dolly and the interviewer mentioned how she was worth a lot of money and Dolly said, 'I count my blessings not my money.' I respect and love her talent but also that she has never forgotten where she came from, helps people and just all around seems to have a genuine sweet and caring personality to go with that amazingly positive attitude.

As if this wasn't long enough already here is a video of one of her songs from her new cd Blue Smoke.

Phases

  Since it's Throwback Thursday, I wonder who was so bored they decided to come up with those different things for each day of the week (and I thought I had no life!), I thought I'd write something kind of throwback based. Have you ever heard an old song you used to love or seen a picture from way back and you can't help but think, what kind of phase was that?! Although it's funny, or funnier, when you realize some of those things are just what was in style at that time. It's odd how things so quickly look dated even when I look at pictures from 5-10 years ago things look so different, even dated. It's like when you watch a movie from even the 90's when someone is using a cellphone that was top of the line back then. In a couple of days it will officially be 12 years since I graduated high school and can I just say that went by fast. Looking back, even since graduating, it's amusing to reminisce about all the phases I've went through in life. I think some phases are automatically ones you have to go through in your life. Those may be the most embarrassing ones to have to look back on as well! Some I stayed in way longer than I should have others I don't think I stuck with as long as I should have. Either way all in all each phase I went through, for whatever reason, has gotten me to where I am now. I won't call where I am now a phase exactly because I think I'm finally where I have a better understanding and acceptance of who I am. I do however hope that I continue to grow and change more into who I am because it'd be boring if I just say well this is good enough I'm staying here and I could always use some kind of improvement/change in some area. Oh, if that girl back in 2002 could've only known what she would become in 2014, I think she'd be mighty happy, surprised and proud. So here's to all the phases we go through in life and the hilarious pictures, stories and lessons they teach us.   

I found a couple of interesting things while passing time on the internet and thought why not share them here. One I suppose could make you think and one may make you laugh (if you are easily amused like I am anyway.) I don't know who wrote/said either of them or I would give credit where it's due.First the serious then the funny, cause one should always end things with a laugh when possible.

A wise owl lived in an oak; The more he saw the less he spoke; The less he spoke the more he heard. Why can't we all be like that wise old bird?

Now to show how easily amused I am:

Boy : My father's name is Laughing and my mother's name is Smiling.  
Teacher : You must be kidding?  
Boy : No that's my brother. I'm Joking.