I think so I write (I also think I need better titles)

So many thoughts stuck in my head not even sure what to write. I'm always glad to get the holidays over with. I enjoy them but miss people too. The main person being my grandma but then the month of January isn't much easier. The other day I was thinking and it's funny how certain days stick with you even when I try to forget. There's two days forever associated with my grandma. One being January 7th (1997 I believe was the year). That was the last day I heard my grandma's voice because the cancer had destroyed her larynx and she was having surgery to remove that on Jan 7th. I don't even remember what her voice sounded like anymore but I remember days and even that morning listening to everything she said trying to embed the sound her voice forever in my memory. The second date is January 30th 2002, that is the day my grandma passed away. Worst day ever for me, best day ever for her. In a few weeks it will have been 13 years since I saw my grandma. The tears still come from missing her, not as often but sometimes just as many tears are shed as the day I was told I'd never get to see her anymore. I see something as simple as a word search puzzle and want to get it for her. I actually had a good cry about a word search puzzle. Just today as I was driving home there's a stretch of road where if I'm lucky I'll see cardinals (although I'm starting to question my sanity cause no one acknowledges them if I happen to be in a car with someone, they don't seem as excited to see them as I am). Anyway today in that stretch I got to see two male and two female cardinals. Makes me smile cause it's like a way my grandmas has worked it out with God to let me know everything's going to be okay. No matter how many years it will be since my grandma has been gone I'll always miss her, I'll cry and smile with the memories I have that help push the sadness away. I know I write about my grandma a lot and especially this time of year but writing helps and so I'll always write about her because she was an awesome grandma, she was the best. Besides when you have people in your life that make such impacts you try to be like them knowingly or not you try to do things like them, you want to tell people about them that's how my grandma is to me. So it's a little earlier than I normally write but I'm really missing my grandma so I figured I'd just write until the hurt eased up a little bit.

Random song quote but heard this song called The Mystery by Rhett Walker Band and loved this last part...

Maybe I'm crazy, maybe I'm free. I just know I ain't the nan I used to be. On this side of heaven you won't always get it right. Sometimes you rise above, sometimes you gotta fight. You never know the stories that lie beneath the skin but judging now won't change the broken places they've been