This Post Has No Title....or does it?

You know how when people are around little kids they say something along the lines of, 'We have to be careful what we say around (insert name), (s)he is like a little sponge. They repeat everything you say or do.' I find it odd in a way how we are conscience of this around children but in reality does this ever really stop? I think as we get older we just get a bit more sneaky at how we absorb these things. I for one am apparently so sneaky at it that I don't even realize I have done so until I catch myself saying or doing something like I have seen from someone else. I am also known to frequently over use catch phrases I'll hear on my favorite television shows and most recently noticed I picked up a mannerism. So congratulations are in order for me for reaching the next level in my weirdness, or that sponge like absorption of what we see/hear never really does end, or both. It's great that people are conscience of it around children but really why should it stop there? If I don't want to say or act a certain way around a child why is it suddenly okay to say or do that thing around an adult? It seems a bad influence is a bad influence no matter the age of the person you are around. In my personal experience it has made me realize I really don't need to say that or act that way. It has often made me realize how often I do say or act a certain way. I guess why we're not so conscience of it around adults is we think they are grown they can act how they want and they aren't even paying attention anyway. Which is kind of true to a certain degree because it seems like so often as we grow it is even more about me, me, me at least until you mess up and then they notice and remember every detail! Those kinds of people are in a whole kind of different category of their own. I think the real problem, and where I tend to fail at, is not how I act when I know people are around and watching but instead how I am when I think no one is watching. I guess if you want to know a persons true character watch them when they think no one is watching them. I'm a person that tends to stay more in the background and observe and I do that with people a lot. In fact, I've learned a lot by doing this...good and bad examples of how to handle situations. There are at least two people that, whether they know it or not, have been great examples to me in what it truly means to have and keep your faith in very difficult circumstances and have just been very influential. Not to put them on a pedestal because they are human they are going to have bad days and just do those humany wumany things. I guess I'm just realizing how I have never really stopped absorbing things so maybe I should be a bit more responsible and conscience of what and how I act whether anyone is watching or not. Not to mention it gets exhausting trying to be 'normal' and hide ones weirdness and awkwardness! The great thing that I'm learning is that I can be me, the real me that I used to hide, and still be respectful around people. Being respectful, a good example doesn't mean you have to lose your identity or uniqueness, you can even still laugh and have fun.

The New Me

Every so often an idea will come to mind and I'll attempt to write a poem, if you want to call it that, cause I'm not really sure it fits into the category of poem...or writing but either way I'll write it down. Generally when these ideas show up they have to do with my faith/religion. I don't share them to force my beliefs on people because I can't, nor would I if I could, force my beliefs on anyone. I just live my life the best I know how, treating people the best I can. With all that being said, or technically typed, here is the recent 'poem' I wrote.

The New Me

Unlike the Pharisees and Sadducees 

It's the truth I want to believe 

Not chained by traditions 

Just to say I have religion

Time to destroy my disguise 

No more feeding these lies 

I was living a masquerade 

Not letting the old me fade

You can't hide a city on a hill 

Lord help me stay in your will

 Being led by the Shepherd 

Only way I'll make it in this world

Put my old way of thinking aside 

Now using the bible as my guide 

My wants no longer my goal 

God's grace has made me whole

No longer carrying a heavy load 

But walking down a brand new road

 Led by faith not by sight 

The love of Christ is my light

Written by: April Donahue

5/11/2014

Best Gifts in Life

To often in life people get so focused on how many material possessions they can give to people in their life that they end up spending so much time trying to afford these things they miss out completely on being in the lives of the people they care about. There is nothing wrong with material items or working a little extra and saving to get that extra special gift for someone. It's always nice to get to give someone that gift they've wanted for a long time and see the look on their face. However, I was thinking (like I too often do),at the time these may seem to be the best gifts to give but we often overlook and rarely give the best and long lasting gifts. In fact, I think so often people don't even realize they are even gifts. The things I'm talking about include but are not limited to calling/texting/emailing just to say hi when you are thinking of someone, taking time time to talk or just listen, laughing because let's face it one never can laugh to much or to often, etc. Basically, we need to take more time making memories together by doing things together because the excitement of that new gadget can only last a moment but a memory of an evening talking with a friend, well that can last a lifetime and no batteries are required! My memory isn't always the best but it never fails to be there and remind me of things people said or did for me at the exact time I need reminding. Often times I'll hear a song, see a cardinal, or some other seemingly simple thing and it makes me smile because it reminds me of special people in my life and the amazing gifts they have given me by helping me and being there for me in some way and in the end that's the best gift one can ever receive. I hope I give those kinds of gifts to people. I realize this is fairly similar to a post I wrote back around Christmas last year but apparently I needed the reminder and figure I'll go ahead and post it.

A wise person knows that there is something to be learned from everyone - Unknown

Mother's Day

I saw a definition recently for mother as treating someone with kindness and affection and trying to protect that person from danger or difficulty. To me that is the most accurate definition I've ever read for a mother. Now here's hoping I can write what I want to say how I want it to come across....To many times I think people stay to focused on you have to have carried and delivered a child to be a mother but that aspect does  not automatically make you a mother or give you any right to that title. Just like when people describe a mother as the teacher, doctor, listener, referee, etc. there are many people that fit and fill the role of a mother in a persons life. For me my grandmother was the mother figure in my life. Based on this definition to me a mother can be a step mom, adopted mom, grandmother, aunt, cousin, or even the single father that is stepping up and being both parents to that child. Whatever the proper title that person carries that is in your life they can also hold a place in your heart as your mother because they treated you with kindness, was always there for you and did every thing in their power to protect you from the dangers or at least prepare you for those trials you may face in life. I always feel bad this time of year for the people that have lost their mothers, for those that long to be mothers but for whatever reason haven't been able to, and for those that have lost a child and no longer get to receive those hugs and gifts on Mother's Day. For those that fall in any of those categories I hope that this and every Mother's Day you live to see that you have peace and fond memories of your mother or child that you don't have with you and for those that don't have children I also hope you have peace and I hope that you have a child in your life that you can be that influence to and be able to help guide them in their life.  Because being a mother isn't about carrying and delivering a child it is about being there. I myself don't have any kids and highly doubt I ever will but I've realized that there are kids that have been placed in my journey through this life that I hope in some way I can help encourage, show them kindness and influence them in some positive way. Not to step in the way or take away anything from their parents because I wouldn't do that at all but I do believe that everyone is placed in your life for a reason and it is my sincere hope that I can always treat people with honesty, kindness and leave some kind of positive influence on them that lasts a lifetime. So this Sunday  I say Happy Mother's Day to the mothers out there including but not limited to the step mothers, grandmothers, aunts, friends, cousins, fathers, and anyone else I forgot and may I say thank you for stepping up and being a mother to that special child and person in your life. I couldn't end this without saying thank you to my grandmother who gave me so much love, kindness and wisdom. I miss you dearly but I cherish the memories and love you showed me. I'm still not entirely sure I was able to properly convey what I wanted to say but may we always remember to never take for granted those that step up and are those important figures in our life that help, or do their very best anyway, to guide us and keep us on the right pathway in life.

It's Finally Here...

Well the day that I had been freaking out about finally arrived and last night I went to sleep still in my twenties but woke up this morning beginning my journey to see what 30 has in store for me. Now that it's actually here I'm not sure why I was even freaking out like I expected some drastic change to occur when I woke up this morning. Although it would've been kind of cool to have a little bit of the effect that occurs when The Doctor regenerates! Alas, all I got was realizing it was my birthday as I'm sleepily walking back to my bed after hitting the snooze button and thinking, 'Yup I definitely am taking an extra ten minutes of sleep today.' After freaking out for so long I have to say I'm kind of excited to say I'm 30, I earned it! I was recently told that in your thirties you start feeling comfortable in your own skin and that I am most definitely looking forward to. In fact, I think it has slowly, albeit very slowly, started already.

I couldn't end this post without writing that I thank God that He has allowed me to make it this far and I'm thankful for the friends and family I have that are there for me. The weekend before my birthday I had some great friends that took me out to eat and had a cookout all for me, which is weird (a good weird) but I couldn't help but think wow I guess people really do like me and count me as their friend. I'm very blessed to have friends that are more like family to me. So today I'm starting a new journey and see where this road that is called Thirty takes me. I am looking forward to growing as a better person and all the adventures that await me. Allons-y! :)

Plot Twist

Plot twists can sometimes be very predictable in books and movies but the same can't always be said when those twists show up in this story called life. Predictable or not, real or fiction, these unforeseen scenarios are often at first seen as a bad thing that is just going to ruin the whole story. With books and/or movies it can be easier to deal with the twists because, at least for me, if I don't like it I just do my own rewrite and have it turn out the way I wanted and am certain would've been better! Granted not all of these turns in the story are bad and it is quickly seen that this is going to make the story better but sometimes it looks like a terrible thing until you start to look back and realize that was needed and helped the story. This is very true when it comes to the plot twists in life. I'm one that when something happens, be it good or bad, I play ever single possible scenario that my brain can think of and to often when something unexpected shows up I will panic and for a brief moment think this is just going to end terrible (and by brief I sometimes mean long after I've made it through the scenario and am looking back and seeing how it worked for the best).  However, I recently had an epiphany in realizing that 1) I have spent way to many years not giving myself enough credit at just how strong willed and how much I truly am capable of doing and 2) that my outcome of these sudden curves in the road and me making the turn without wrecking greatly depends on my initial reaction, which is usually panic, fear and run when it should be maybe a little panic but mostly reassuring myself that it's just a small detour that doesn't mean it's the end of everything. Another thing that I was thinking upon recently is how so often we see other peoples lives and we wish our lives were like that. I have also spent time doing that until something struck me that I honestly  hadn't ever really thought of. I had thought that it was kind of ridiculous to think that because nothing is ever exactly 100% as it seems especially if it seems to good to be true. However, for some reason I hadn't really thought about how it was a waste of time wishing this because if I had that persons characteristics and/or possessions it still wouldn't fix what I wanted changed about me and I would soon end up not being me. Now there are plenty of things I want/need to change about myself but faults and all I am who I am for a reason, do I fully understand that reason, no and I may never. I do understand though that without me being me and taking the routes, with just as many right and wrong turns, it has placed all of the right people in my life and if I'm perfectly honest I like who I am, quirks and all. As e.e. cummings said, 'It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.' and I think I'm finally ready to grow up and be that person.

What If Syndrome

This has been sitting in draft mode for weeks now. I can't quite figure out what I want to write so I've just let it sit here until I could maybe decide what I wanted to write. I still don't really know but figured it was time to post something, just to get this poor post out of draft mode.

You know if there isn't something called the 'what if syndrome,' there definitely should be because that is what I'm having right now and I'm not a big fan of it to be honest.What is what if syndrome you ask, well here are my symptoms:

• when thinking of something new/different want to do I suddenly create many different what if scenarios, mainly things that could go wrong
• have anxiety due to things that could go wrong
• stay so long in what if zone that I never get to actually try new/different thing wanted to do

That's just the ones I could think of but you get the idea. If you could get frequent visitor miles for getting stuck in what if zone I would be sitting on a gold mine of mile points. I unfortunately tend to get stuck here more than I want but I have finally gotten good at figuring out I am stuck here and am getting where I'm not as afraid to dig my way out of that rut and back on the right track. The thing I'm realizing is when I get in my what if's I am now in the danger zone of to much fear, just like you can have to much of any emotion at one time. When this happens the emotions become the puppeteer and I'm taken on a trip where I've given complete control to my emotions. My fear has control of me and has covered up my eyes so now I can't see that I'm within distance of realizing my new dream, that the walk to the finish line isn't near as complicated as that darkness that I can only see because the fear has blinded me. Emotions are needed and are very helpful until they become the puppeteer and control every step we take or many times don't take. It can be difficult but I got to remember I'm the puppeteer over my emotions and actions and only me. I can't give that responsibility to no one else nor can I let my emotions take control because they will freeze me in my steps or potentially take me where I don't want to go, like getting that dreaded what if syndrome. Easier said than done often times but I figure you got to keep on keeping on. To many times in my life I've gotten so focused on how many times I've fallen down and messed up but forget that I'm still a winner because the number of times I've gotten back up is more than the times I've fallen. Here's to us all becoming out own puppeteer instead of our emotions, society or any other thing that blinds us and holds us back from being who we are and fulfilling those dreams.