Why? I don't know...

In school we were taught to look for and answer five basic questions when writing or doing some other projects, but those questions were: who, what, where, when and why. I was just thinking about that and if you ever pay attention (or to much in my case) why is always the last one mentioned. Perhaps it's just because it flows better when said in that order. For the purpose of proving my point and being able to write this (and to prove that I pay more attention to things than I should), let's just say that why is the last one listed because it is the most important question that needs to be answered and to often the most difficult to find a definitive answer. Sometimes to get to that answer you have to be willing to search far and wide and even wait years. Isn't it funny how three little letters with a question mark attached to the end can sometimes alter and even halt your life? This isn't to say one should never ask why or any kind of question again because if that was the case I'd be hurting since I'm constantly asking questions and seeking answers. As so often is said, how are you ever going to find out anything if you don't ask? My point, if there is one, is to often we get so focused on searching for the why that we forget every thing else we've learned and it's like we have a pair of cement shoes on and we get stuck and can't move on. I think this is especially true while searching for the answers to the darker side of why, you know those why (insert a bad thing that happened to you or someone you know). That's when if your not careful you get those cement shoes on and you can't move on and can sometimes start sinking. I spent so many years asking why to questions that either aren't the right time to get the answer to or I'll just never truly know and it bothered me for a long time and I did have those shoes on and got stuck. That is until I realized sometimes it's okay for the answer to why to be I don't know. For some reason it never really seems like an acceptable answer by many for a reply to why. All of the other questions (who, what, where, when, and even how) can be answered with I don't know and not much of a fuss is made about it. However, for myself, when I found I could accept I don't know it was easier to move on. Does that mean I won't come back to that particular why at some point, absolutely not, but I'll accept that it isn't the time for me to find out the complete story behind the why and yes I'm even willing to accept that I don't know is the final answer. To be honest sometimes we cut the question short, we ask why when it really should be why not. For example, I may ask 'why should I take a class? I've been out of school to long I don't even know where to start' but instead I should have asked 'why not take a class, it would help add experience to what I would like to do and it would give me something else to do.' Asking to many questions isn't the problem but sometimes how we ask and getting side tracked waiting for an answer that either can be right in front of us or just waiting on the horizon can cause an imaginary problem to hinder us. On a side note it is such a pet peeve of mine when you do ask someone why and the answer is because I said so, there should be some law against that even being allowed as an answer. Well that isn't what I had originally planned on writing about when I started this but that is just way to much to delete so I'll leave it and end by typing never be afraid to ask why even though you may not like or may not ever get the answer.

Recently saw this quote and absolutely loved it: Once you've accepted your flaws no one can use them against you (including yourself but that part is purely my opinion added to the quote)

Jo Dee Messina 'Me' CD

I'm a big fan of music (and reading but that's for another post) and recently received a copy of Jo Dee Messina's new CD 'Me' (was just a bonus to being able to support her Kickstarter campaign). Anyway, this is a phenomenal CD and I'm not just saying it because I am a huge fan. Usually when I get a new CD I'll only listen to maybe 30 seconds of the song before I switch to the next song but not this time. There is a song for no matter what kind of day you are having and you can hear influences from several musical genres in all of the songs. Of course Jo Dee's vocals are amazing and she co-wrote or wrote 7 of the 12 songs. Her current single from the CD is Woman's Rant (so call your local radio station and tell them to play it) and it is a fun song that every woman can relate to. I think my favorite (and hopefully eventually single) song from the CD is Me. This song just tells of how a woman has to be so many different things to people and some times you just don't know how you can be all of that. There was just something that hit a cord with me when I heard the line, 'I wish I was half the woman I got to be. I wish I had all the answers right in front of me. I'm every thing to everyone and I'm scared as I can be cause when I look in the mirror all I can see.' Something about the song is so powerful. I also really love the song Like A Kid Again because any adult can relate to dealing with the stress and responsibilities of being a grown up and some days just wishing you could go back to being like a kid when something as simple as getting dizzy turning in circles could make you laugh. So if you are a fan of JDM or looking for some new music to listen to check this CD out.

Here are a couple of links (hopefully they work)

http://jodeemessina.ras.bustores.com/jo-dee-messina-all-about-me-bundle.html

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00HZMRXZG/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B00HZMRXZG&linkCode=as2&tag=jodeemessina-20

Words

You ever hear someone say, 'I hope blah, blah, blah, but I don't know (or doubt) if it'll happen.' I sometimes want to ask why did you go throw that conjunction in there, it totally defeated the I hope... School house Rock once asked, 'Conjunction Junction, what's your function?' to waste a perfectly good I hope sentence is apparently one. Here's an example I'm sure most everyone has heard, been told, or maybe even said: 'I hope you get feeling better but I've heard that's hard to get over.' I'm not even gonna lie I've said it or some variation of it before. It starts out all encouraging with a lot of hope and you totally got this and with one simple conjunction it all just gets knocked down. To often, and this is something I've thought on several occasions over the years, I (and maybe you too) put a question mark or in this case a conjunction and add more doubt and say to much where I just need to put a period and let it go. Funny how it's almost always something negative that's said too. Not to take a turn on to Over thinking Avenue but that's kind of like life people can start out on the right track being positive that things are going to end great but something happens and it takes a turn to the negative and that's to often where it ends. I don't know but it seems like you should end whatever it is, be it a sentence or some event in life, on the positive note. It still might go to the pits, I know that's a very good possibility but I also know it's no fun being around a Debbie Downer all of the time either. There's a song called Words by Hawk Nelson and I like what it says, particularly these parts of the song: They've made me feel like a prisoner, they've made me feel set free. They've made me feel like a criminal, made me feel like a king....words can build you up, words can break you down. Start a fire in your heart or put it out. And that last part is especially true. I don't know why I'm on this big kick on what and how you say something, be it to yourself or others, but I'm just going to roll with it and hope I get whatever I'm supposed to. By the way if you have a friend that says I hope blah, blah, blah (and actually really does just say blah, blah, blah) you have found a friend full of sarcastic wit and wisdom, hang on to that friend!!

Finally because I said conjunction junction what's your function I now have that stuck in my head and I like being random so here is the video to that Schoolhouse Rock, which happens to be one of my absolute favorites. I also don't want to give the impression I'm hating on conjunctions! :)

Thank you...

This may sound rude, selfish, arrogant, or just plain wrong but I think most people will agree that they like to know they are appreciated and people notice the things you do, whether it's something you've done to help someone or just doing your job and doing it well.To me the most I would ever want is nothing more than a simple thank you, I'm definitely not saying I would want material things or something like that because to me a thank you has more value and is more sincere. It's always good to try to encourage yourself but let's be realistic it can be hard to be positive all of the time and sometimes the people and tasks we face day to day can get overwhelming.  I think I'm doing a good job and am a good friend but some days I just have a hard time making myself believe it so it's nice to have someone occasionally remind me that I got this and I am doing good, or to be reminded when I'm not, although that one isn't as fun but as important for sure. It's kind of like when a baby is trying to take it's first steps and he or she may have a bit of hesitation but the more the parent or other person starts encouraging them then you can see the baby become more willing to try to take another step even if it means he or she may end up falling flat on it's bottom. Sometimes I just ain't sure if I'm doing a good job at work or not and feel like I'm struggling to keep up which can spiral quickly into getting discouraged (that I guess is where you have to do your part to keep encouraging yourself even if it doesn't feel like it's helping because you can't put 100% into waiting for the compliments and such from others, they may be to far in between) and although I hadn't gotten to that point I was wondering if I was doing okay with work. In a recent conference call with a couple of my coworkers my boss gave us a compliment and basically thanked us for doing a good job. It was nice to know that she does notice and appreciate it. I don't know maybe I put to much emphasis on something as simple as saying thank you or other ways to just be polite and use some manners but as I stated earlier I think it's a very valuable gift you can give to someone when they do something for you. Therefore, as I end this let me sincerely say thank you for taking the time to read this. Hopefully you didn't have to many 'good grief' and eye roll moments and could actually read all of it!

Speak Life

This post is based on two things with the main theme of me over analyzing/thinking...again.

Thing 1)   Last night as I was driving on a road that I drive a few times each week I noticed a house and on down the road a piece a barn that I hadn't remembered ever seeing before. Which got me thinking isn't it strange how you can travel the same road so often and yet still miss so much. However, this wasn't enough over thinking for my brain, no it took it one step further. Now isn't it strange how we can be around people day in and day out and yet still not really know them? We can miss little things about them and I don't even mean about that new outfit they got or hair cut and no one has noticed yet. I mean the things they say or do that if we took the time and stopped staring at the phone to see if we got one more like on Facebook or a text and really paid attention then we might find something new out about that person that we may think we already know so well. I thought I'd noticed every single house and barn there was to see on that road but that night I was proven wrong. Although I pay attention to that road when I drive it I still hadn't paid attention enough to notice every thing. I dare say the same thing goes for the people in my life.

Thing 2)    No secret I love music, may or not be a secret but I sometimes pay more attention than normal to the lyrics and sometimes how they may apply to my life at the present (or past...or future!). There are a couple of songs at present that are really hitting me but I'll focus on Speak Life by TobyMac (see video at end of blog if you've never heard the song or just want to hear it again).  The song talks about how we can use our words to build people up instead of tearing them down and making them feel bad about themselves. It kind of starts out how some days things just go wrong and you don't know why but by the end it gives examples of how if we just speak life, hope and love that the circumstance may not change but how we see it and can deal with it does (at least this is part of my take on the song but this song has so very many meanings to me that I can't begin to go in detail about them all) The whole song is a great message. In our personal life and when it comes to how we interact with others it just seems like it is so easy to doom, gloom and despair and believe that but what we really need to do is to speak life, hope and love. There is a quote at the end of the video that I absolutely love and sums it all up quite well: In every encounter we either give life or we drain it; there is no neutral exchange - Brennan Manning. It's to easy to think there is a neutral exchange, whether it's to save our own conscience so we can not have to think we have hurt others or we truly do believe we are helping (and of course the few that know they are hurting, draining that life and that unfortunately is there goal). I'm not perfect, not even the smallest fraction close to being so, and I have those not so perfect days where I find myself having to speak life and hope to my circumstances but I also have found that I've spoken the doom and gloom a bit to long before I remember to speak that life. I have no doubt that I have unfortunately said and done wrong to others to speak doom and gloom to them instead of helping build them up. It is my earnest goal and hope to always speak life, hope and love to myself and others more than anything else. Not only by the words I say but the actions that I do.

Time After Time

Time is a funny thing. I find it strange how time can feel like it's going by so fast yet at the same time can feel like it's dragging by, at least in certain areas. Makes me feel like I'm in the twilight zone in a way. When you're young you feel like you have all of the time in the world. I think as you get older a little bit of that slowly gets stripped away each year and you slowly begin to realize how precious time is and how you never seem to have enough of it. It's so easy for the 'If I had time...' to take over and soon you (I) find myself not getting anything accomplished. I think that may be sounding more depressing than I mean, it's technically not meant to be or sound depressing at all, honest. No matter what age you are I guess to a certain degree you can feel overwhelmed by not having enough time. The only thing that really changes is the priorities and the things written on your to do list that you never have time to do. One thing for certain about time....and that is that time goes on whether you are ready or not. I just helped you waste a little time and I can help you waste a little more if you want to read on but fair warning I'm bored and any and all that I write may or may not make much sense (should've put that warning at the beginning, huh?! I should actually include that for every post but by now it should probably be expected and known)

You know how a lot of people make new year's resolutions, I think there is also a spring edition of those resolutions. Why? Because where I'm from by this time of year a lot of people are saying they'll spend a lot more time outside if it would just get warm or when it gets warm they'll have more cookouts, hiking, etc. For some this isn't really resolutions they normally do these things and they are just ready to be doing them again. That's a long three months of winter, especially this year. With all of the snow, ice, plain old mess I haven't been able to do much which means not much driving which further means that my thoughts have now caused a major back up. I tend to get a lot of thoughts out and find  many ideas while driving, why that seems to happen I still haven't figured out but it does.

Have you ever read the summary on the back of a book and just knew that this was going to be a book you get more attached to fictional characters than is probably normal and if you make it through the book without crying or coming away with some kind of lesson you'll be very surprised? I was just given a book that I'm pretty sure all of the above things are going to happen. I started reading it last night and already really like it. I must say it's even more special because 1)someone thought of me and gave me a book 2) they thought I would like it because of the grandmother character in the book and how much I thought of my grandma. Twice this month I have been given something that had something to do about my grandma.

My last one, I promise, but does anyone else find it strange that as soon as you try to start eating better, exercising, someone will no doubt ask when/why/how long have/are you going to be on this diet. My response is I'm not on a diet. Why is it that you are automatically on a diet because you are actually watching what and how much you eat? I can't mentally think I am on a diet or I just set myself up for failure because my brain, not to mention stomach,  goes in to panic mode when it hears that word! Diets to me are short term and perhaps that's because anytime I have tried a diet it didn't last that long. I'm out to make a long term, life long change in how I view food and even exercise. Part of how I know I'm making strides in that is that I really can't wait to go walking anymore and I can actually say no to certain foods which probably doesn't sound like much but to me it is and that's who I'm doing all of this for so that's all that matters. I have no idea why I wrote this section, or any of them really, but I think I have wore out my welcome on this post and it is now time to close.

Typing away and writing nothing at all

Right place at the right time...every thing happens when it's supposed to (or for a reason)...these are just a few of those cliches that people say and for the most part I just leave it at it's just a cute (although sometimes annoying) saying. However, there are some instances where things happen where I have to admit that cliche or not there is quite a bit of truth in those sayings. Also apparently the way to get something to happen is to write a post on your blog saying nothing has really been going on and in some cases the very same day something different will happen to shake up the same boring routine that happens every day. It was something very simple and I don't know if it  was something that I needed around this time or just a coincidence, but then again I often wonder if things really are just ever a coincidence.  What was that something? I'm so glad you asked, it was simply a visit with a family member. Told you it was something simple but kind of way over due. I'm kind of a hermit and don't visit, call (actually text, I never call anyone), or email anyone...take that back on the email part there is at least one person I email a lot. Anyway, it was nice to have that over due visit and get to hear some stories about my family. I love hearing those stories, sometimes it feels like people don't want to talk about that but without the stories and memories how else are we going to keep the family members that are no longer here alive. They may not physically be around anymore but no need in putting everything about them away and hidden.

Random thought 1) I just thought of something today while fixing a cup of coffee and thought why not add it on here. I think to often I (and perhaps you do this too) get so busy being occupied by thoughts of what I don't have that I forget to notice all that I do have and be thankful for it and enjoy it. It's so easy to constantly think of what you need, more accurately want in many cases, and become blind at all the great things and people you have in your life. Just a thought, random, at that, that I figured I'd share.

Random thought 2) With it being so close to Valentine's Day, well I just can't go and not write something about it. Have you ever noticed that if you are single and say you hate V-day that you are automatically told you only hate it because you are single...no I'm pretty sure I'd hate it anyway, I really don't get the purpose of it, except to see who can spend the most on flowers, chocolate, cards and those ridiculously over sized teddy bears. I look at that and think, 'Wow, I could buy a lot of books with the money you spent on that!' Granted I wouldn't mind chocolate because, well it's chocolate and that's all you need to say about that. Of course no offense to those that go all out and do the sweet things for their significant other on V-day. I just don't get it but perhaps that's because I'm one that would rather have it spontaneously and something simple. Either way I don't hate the day because I'm single, I hate the day because like every thing else it is nothing but a commercially exploited day. On that note Happy Valentine's Day...or Happy Friday!