Remembering a Friend

I wrote this yesterday in memory of my friend Tony that lost a battle with cancer...well I really shouldn't say he lost because I know he's in a better place, we just won't get to see him until we get where he at. I have a hard time saying what I want to and this just came to mind.

This isn't a final goodbye
But see you in a little while
I wonder if you ever realized
The impact you've had on others lives

While we're left with the memories
I can't imagine what you've seen
As you walked through those gates
And looked upon Christ's face

Running on the streets of gold
The stories you've already told
We rejoice knowing you're in no pain
Our loss is Heavens gain

Though we wanted more time
We have peace in our life
Knowing you're in a better place
And we'll see you again one day

Is it really almost 2013?!

Hard to believe another year is almost over with, how fast they go by anymore. It's funny to think when I graduated high school ten years ago I wondered where I'd be in this journey and what all I would have accomplished by the time my ten year reunion came around. This summer I went to my ten year reunion and was able to catch up with a great friend I hadn't seen since graduation and now as I set here I think of my accomplishments this year and in years past. This year I was able to go to Ireland which has always been my #1 dream for as long as I can remember. Now my #1 dream is to go back to Ireland :) I loved it over there and dream of going back one day but until then I look back at the pictures and relive the memories of that most amazing trip. This year I've gotten closer to friends and lost touch with some friends. I've had to say see you later (I don't like saying goodbye cause I believe I'll meet them on the other side) to some people that I thought a lot of. As with any year and any time in ones life I've had ups and downs this year and I've grown as a person but still need to work on some things. I don't believe in making resolutions, no offense if you do, but it just sets me up for failure. My goal and hope not only at the beginning of the year but for my whole life is to stand up for what I believe in, grow in my faith, be a better friend and someone my grandma would be proud of with living my life with the values she taught me. I don't know what 2013 holds, nor do I know what the last few days of 2012 have in store but I know I'm thankful for the ride so far and whatever twists and turns the ride has in store for me I want to hang on with everything I got and finish the race with my head held high and a smile on my face.

Goodbyes are so hard to say

I write this blog with a heavy heart and  tears in my eyes because unless God can do a miracle it looks like I'll have to be saying goodbye to a dear friend. I believe in miracles and I'm not giving up hope. I know he's a winner either way but I just ain't ready for him to leave here yet, who else in church is going to come up to me and call me hateful with a big grin. He's one of those people that picks on everyone and has an endless supply of comebacks. I tell you the last couple of months are showing me not to take for granted the people in your life you care about and to always tell them how much they mean to you. Better yet not only tell them but show them because actions speak so much louder than words ever can. As fate would seem to have it I had planned on going and seeing Tony at the hospital today after I got off work now looks like I won't get to ever talk to him again. Thankfully I was able to go see and talk to him last Sunday and in his true fashion as soon as I walked in he said 'Did you come here to start trouble?' I know Tony will never know I wrote this and as I said I'm still praying and hoping for that miracle but if I had the chance again I'd let him know how much I thought of him and how much I appreciated the laughs I had for all the times he picked on me. If you read this and believe in prayer I ask you pray for my friend and also for his wife and two kids for them to have peace and comfort whatever happens.

Post Christmas

Looks like I can check surviving another Christmas off my list. I have to say this Christmas went better than I was expecting it to. I was able to spend quite a bit of time with my cousin, who is really more like my sister. We hardly ever get to spend time together so I really enjoyed that. For the first time in my life I actually went to the movies on Christmas. Me and my cousin watched the new Tom Cruise movie, Jack Reacher, I must say it was a really good movie. I haven't enjoyed a movie all the way through like that one in a long time.I'm not a big Tom Cruise fan but he did really good in this movie and I must say he looks really good! I do enjoy movies with Rosamund Pike and she did a great job in this movie. I  love going to the movies but it's so hard to find good movies worth spending the money on. I saw a poster in the theater where Jurassic Park is coming out in 3D, looks like Hollywood really is running out of ideas! Anyway, I really did enjoy getting to spend time with my family, everyone was in a great mood. I always love it when the family tells stories of when they were younger. There's always some funny stories that get told and it's nice hearing about the family members that aren't with us anymore. Every year I always think of my grandma more this time of year with the holidays and she passed away at the end of January 2002, but this year I have to say even though I miss her terribly I did have a bit of peace when I thought of her. All in all this was a great Christmas, even if the snow seems to be coming late! Guess that's Kentucky weather for you though.

Pre-Christmas

I love so much about the Christmas season, the music, movies and nostalgia of what the season used to and still should represent. However, I must admit this year it really doesn't feel like Christmas, or technically Christmas Eve today but you get what I mean. I had to work today which is okay since a lot of people can't be with their families at all on Christmas so I'm trying not to gripe about that. Actually I'm trying to be happy about everything and not focus on the negative, which seems like is when all the negative comes full force at you. I'm just thankful to have lived to seen another Christmas and in a few more days another year. So here's wishing whoever reads this a very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year (in case I get lazy and don't write anything else until after the new year). Wish you all many blessings and all that sappy stuff :)

Ever notice how there's just certain questions based on your relationship status people feel the need to ask. For example, if you're single you get 'When are you going to start dating someone?' If you're dating someone you get, 'So when are you going to get married?' Finally, if you're married you no doubt will hear, 'When is the stork coming to visit?' I don't guess we'll ever know how or why people felt it was necessary to ask this but whoever started it should've been slapped. I absolutely despise being asked why and/or when am I going to date someone especially when they make it sound like there is something wrong with me because I'm single. What is it about people as soon as they hear you're single they suddenly decide they are Cupid and have to become matchmaker? I also find it very funny when you get relationship advice and reasons why you should really date someone from people that obviously should not be giving any kind of advice in this subject. Who knew you had to have reasons why you're single, I've seriously been asked why I'm single and if you don't answer they start giving their own opinions as to why they think you're single. It also seems weird that my being single bothers others  more than it does me. I'm at the point in my life where if it happens fine, if not that's perfectly alright with me too. I don't need to be in a relationship to be happy. Being the last single friend of some of my closer friends I hang out with can be a little awkward but not enough that I feel I have to be dating or there's something wrong with me cause I'm single. Anyway, my point is don't give me weird looks and jump to your own conclusions when I, or anyone else for that matter, says they are single. Also the next time you feel the need to ask any of the questions listed in the first part of this blog, please for God's sake and everyone else too, just stick with asking how the person is doing of talking about the weather and just don't say anything at all if you can only think of those questions up above.

Never Blog When Bored

I got a few different things I've been thinking about so I figured I'll combine them into one blog. They are very random and have nothing in common, I just don't want to post a bunch of separate posts today, but then again this is how I seem to think with such random thoughts constantly going through my mind.

Anyway first get the serious one out of the way. I actually may have already written about this but don't think so. Have you ever thought about someone in your past that you haven't seen or talked to in a long time and wondered what they had been up to and would just like to see them? This happened to me a few weeks back. I had just thought of someone and wondered what they was up to but didn't really have a way to contact them. Funny thing is the night I saw them and where I ended up seeing them isn't where I intended to go in the first place but I kept putting it off stopping anywhere else, kind of like it was meant for me to be there at that time so I could see them. So went about my business and was getting ready to leave and this person walked in and we got to say hi and talk for a minute. On my way home it finally hit me, there really is a season for people to be in your life and there is a reason why some people don't stay even though we want them to. Even though I have dear friends and people I care about that aren't in my life or not in my life as much as I may want I realize it's for a reason. But I love it when things like that happen like thinking of someone and days or months later you suddenly get to see them. I like to think of it as one of those special presents just because, although there are some people I think about that I hope to God I don't see too!

Now the really weird one that explains why I get called weird so many times. Today I was listening to my Christmas station on Pandora and the song Santa Baby came on. I've heard this song countless times and rather like it. However, for some strange reason while listening to it today I thought, this song almost makes it sound like she's blackmailing Santa. She's asking for some seriously expensive stuff, so maybe she just got sucked into the commercializing of Christmas too. The idea of her blackmailing Santa though cracked me up. In parts of the song it almost feels like she should say something like 'Don't make me bring up the Christmas party last year, you know I still have those pictures!'  That's one of those things that I would crack myself up with and everyone else would be looking at me like I had lost my mind.

Speaking of losing my mind I guess it's time to head back to the Twilight Zone, or Twilo Zone as it was called in one of the many hilarious episodes of The Dick Van Dyke show. Sometimes I really do feel like I've crossed over into the fifth dimension never to be able to find my way out.

Thoughts

Ideas start out as just another thought until we plant it in our mind and add more thoughts to it. Soon if we're not careful we've added so much water, or thoughts, to that simple idea and it's taken root and started to grow. Tyler Perry has said that people are like trees in our life. There are some like leaves that leave at the slightest sign of trouble, some are like branches and will support you through certain things but when things get to heavy they break and are gone. Then there are the precious few that are like roots. These are the ones that don't need to be seen and have it known that they help you through your troubles and they are the ones that are there any time of day and help you through your worst storms. Ideas are like this as well if you think about it.  Some thoughts are like leaves, you think about them but it doesn't take much to forget them. Before you know it other thoughts quickly come around and will blow your present thoughts away and you've quickly moved on to another idea. Then some are like branches, these can get a bit stronger hold on you. You think about these a bit longer and start adding more thoughts to your original idea/thought and then makes these stronger and a little harder to forget.  Sometimes this is good, other times not so much. Finally, there are those that we've thought about so much and added so much to it, whether it's true or not, that it takes roots in our mind and starts growing roots. These are the thoughts and ideas that stay with us the longest and help us have peace or give us worry depending on what the thought is. I guess the whole point of this very confusing note is that we really need to be careful what we think about and focus on. Something can start out as an idea or thought but if we focus on it to much, especially if it's something that will just cause us worry and stress, it can grow roots and be very hard to dig up and get rid of. It's not such a bad thing if it's a good thought or something that can help you grow and be happy or at peace, but you got to watch cause those angry thoughts can  easily take over and smother the roots of the things you should be thinking on.

My Story

This is a poem I wrote around 4/30/12, I found some things I had posted on Facebook so thought I'd post them on here too.

I'm a two sided story
One full of worry
But there's another side to see
One that's now full of peace

A tale of rights and wrongs
I'm singing a new song
Once drowning in a life full of sin
Seeking a happy ever after end

Until the day there was a change
And a home in heaven was my gain
For it's on Gods promises I am reliant
And I know these walls I will climb

Just like David faced Goliath
I stand tall against my giants
With a sling and a stone
These trials will be over thrown

No longer am I living in a fantasy
With the truth I have a new legacy
Now in times I don't understand
I remember God has a plan

Scars

Scars can be physical or emotional but however you have gotten a scar, or more, you can be sure you will learn a lesson from it. I tend to be one of those people that learns lessons but doesn't always remember them. I am also more apt to not care if people see my physical scars because I wear those with honor and proof that I really am not exaggerating on how clumsy I am. Emotional scars are different though, a lot of times people don't want to share those with others as much and they hide them in various ways. It doesn't really seem like it should be that way though, it's like there is some kind of guilt that people have with emotional scars, even though most of the time the one carrying the scars has nothing at all to feel shame or guilt about. I understand the stories that go along with the emotional scars don't need and shouldn't be shared with everyone but they shouldn't be a wall or valley we use to keep us from being who we are and going where we should and/or want to go. Scars have the ability to make you better or bitter. I am the person I am today because of all my scars, physical and emotional, and I might not be all the way across the valley but I'm glad for all the scars cause it proves that I'm a strong person and I'll make it.  Besides the fact that this was one of my random thoughts while driving I don't really know why I felt like I should write this.

Music

Have you ever been in one of those moods where there really isn't a good name for it and if someone asks how you are you just have to say okay or good because in all honesty there just isn't a name to best describe how you really are? In an episode of  The Golden Girls I believe it was Blanche that called it magenta. I've been in a magenta kind of mood here lately. You also ever notice how when you say something like that people automatically assume it's a bad thing? For me it can be right down the middle and there can be something that can make you take a curve towards being more happy or more sad but mostly I stay in the middle not really sure what kind of emotion I want to feel.  Sometimes I find that when I get in these moods that if I just turn on some music I can find at least one song that will have some lyrics to help describe what I'm feeling and if nothing else it'll always make me feel better. I love all kinds of music and am one of those people that when I get in my car I have to find just the right song before I leave no matter how late I am I can't leave the drive way without the perfect song to start my journey. I have actually been late to work because of this habit I have. I love this time of year because I can listen to Christmas music and that always seems to cheer me up. It's great how no matter what you're going through or feeling that there is some genre of music and a song you can find that will make you feel better and/or explain exactly how you feel, even if it is a magenta kind of day.