just writing about another book I read...

Once again I must write about a book I just finished reading. Actually it was one of those gems you have to finish in one setting. The book this round is The Mistletoe Promise by Richard Paul Evans (you may remember I wrote about his series The Walk). He has quickly became one of my favorite authors and this book further proves why. This book was the book I asked for Christmas and was so excited I got it I gave my cousin a hug (that's huge for me). Anyway, this book is the perfect read for that cold winter night. It focuses on Elise and Nicholas who is tired of being alone during the holidays and proposes that he and Elise act like a couple for eight weeks. If you read the contract it's a pretty sweet deal. Both parties have secrets that darken their past and continue to haunt their present. Who can't relate to that? Elise has had her secret used against her by her ex husband and even herself she basically feels she's unlovable and doesn't deserve a loving relationship. Ultimately Elise and Nicholas find they have more in common than they, or at least Elise, could have ever imagined. There's a part in the book when fear takes over Elise and she says, 'Before you judge me too harshly, consider your own deepest fears...fear doesn't listen to reason. It takes its own counsel.' That was one of the best, most accurate sentences I'd ever read about fear. In this book Elise discovers that she made a terrible mistake but that mistake doesn't make her unlovable or a terrible person that doesn't deserve forgiveness (including from herself) and happiness. We all make mistakes, I think the biggest one of all isn't the wrong we did but believing we don't deserve forgiveness but deserve to live in that state of I deserve to be unhappy, I don't deserve anything good, etc. lie that fear feeds us. I love how this story shows how we do that to ourselves and how we are so wrong to think that. Or that's what I got. It's a very sweet story. Seriously I got all teary eyed more times than I will admit and said, 'Oh, that is so sweet.' a whole lot. So if you are looking for a quick read you may want to grab this book. I recently saw a quote that stated: one kind of good book should leave you asking: how did the author know that about me? The Mistletoe Promise was that kind of book for me. Oh and bonus the book has an epilogue. I was excited to find that when I turned what I thought was the last page only to see Epilogue (I'm a big fan of an epilogue especially when I'm not quite ready to say goodbye to the characters) This has been a presentation of another random book review/report brought to you by Ramblings of a Quiet Girl. Not responsible for time spent truly enjoying previously mentioned book(s) or time deemed wasted reading (but really if you think that you aren't doing something right

Where did you go 2014?

Well I finally stepped out of my comfort zone and attempted to publish all of my poems. I feel like I should pay someone to read any of my stuff and highly doubt I'll even sell a copy but I took the step and made it anyway. Now I can at least no longer be stuck in the what if train as far as that goes. I know I made many mistakes on it, including one that is driving me nuts where you click on it to look inside and I didn't do the pages right so you really never get to even read one of the poems. Not exactly a good selling point but oh well, got to learn somehow and that really may bother me so much I'll have to start all over or just go to my happy place and pretend I don't know anything about it....maybe there's a way you can edit that I have no idea.

This past week or so has made me realize just how much and why I hate going to the doctor. Good news my eyes are doing a lot better, thank God. It may be premature but I'm totally going ahead and calling everything back to normal for me and I passed the test. Technically my follow up isn't for another week or two but really how likely is it that if they found something on the MRI that they would wait until then to tell me. I've decided to do a Dr. Donahue and diagnose myself and again say that issue is fine and  I'm fairly certain I have pinpointed what is causing the other issues and that's simply because I'm on medicine that I no longer believe I need to be taking. I'll pay my copay and ask the professional but I've all but convinced myself that is the problem. I figure I should know me more than these other  nurses and such that have only seen me a couple of times, not to take away their professional opinion because they can put the symptoms together better than I can but I do tend to know what is normal or not for me. I apparently am better at acting like I'm okay than I thought or some people really don't pay attention at all...or both. I'm not sure whether to be proud that I'm that good at acting like everything is okay or I should be worried that I could be that good. I had someone ask me today so you not feeling good? Which brought on the bit of being worried that I may be that good at not showing apparently anything because this person was around a couple of days ago when I had a very particular rough day so then I thought well shoot if I really was needing someone to notice that I was sick and needed to go to the ER or something I'd be up a creek. It's that invisible cloak, must be working again. Funny story I was at IHOP the other day, ended up going by myself and to the waitresses credit they were busy and I didn't get mad or nothing but she kept passing me by. Every time she'd go to bring me a drink, or when she brought the check she went right on by and at least on one occasion said 'oh there you are...' Oh that good ol' invisible cloak one just never knows when it will decide to work. Oh well I'm okay with having my invisible cloak back on and apparently being really good at acting like everything is okay because 99% of the time everything really is okay (makes acting a lot easier!). Either way long story most definitely not short I'm thankful that the main hurdle of this test has been crossed (as stated earlier I'm calling it because it just seems logical at this point).

Lastly, it is difficult to believe that 2014 is almost over and a new year and journey is about to start and/or continue. I can honestly say I have been blessed more than I deserve this year (well every year really). I was fortunate enough to do some traveling, able to feel like getting out and doing a lot of walking and over all truly appreciate and enjoy life this year. I saw friends and family members face tests this year and they taught me a lot in how one should never take things for granted and always appreciate every moment. I grew as a person and hope to never stop doing that as long as I got breath to take. I continue to find my way on this yellow brick road I call life and look forward to the side roads I get to take to finish up 2014 and the ones that I will find my way on in 2015. Whatever I may face and whatever roads I may get to challenge it is my hope that I never take it for granted and enjoy this ride, that is my wish for you as well. If you're 2014 wasn't what you wanted, may you get the opportunity to accomplish all and more of your goals and dreams in the new year.

Here's a link (that hopefully works because I am technologically challenged) for my book with my poems....

http://www.amazon.com/Collection-Poems-Quiet-Girl-ebook/dp/B00RH2VZEE/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1419711803&sr=1-1

This is just a test...

Sometimes life throws us tests, some we can see coming from a distance and some can kind of blind side us. Some are like pop quizzes and some you expect like that final exam at the end of the term. I don't like tests but I know I ain't getting out of this life without having to take some. One of my biggest fears is losing my vision, it's up there with fearing how I'm leaving this world (oddly I don't worry as much about when). I feel like a complainer for even writing about what I'm about to when I have so many examples of people that have/are facing much worse circumstances but I guess I'll go ahead and write a little about it. For a few months I've had some health issues that I won't go completely into but the main thing was with my vision. I thought it was just time to up the prescription and get new glasses and found out I had optic neuritis. No big deal really it lasts awhile heals on its own type thing. Had to have a test to check for something never heard nothing, still having terrible eye pain and blurry vision but had convinced myself it's in my head. This past week got a call from a neurologist the eye doctor referred me to and found out I still had really bad inflammation (guess I wasn't still imagining it after all) so I have to get five days of IV steroid infusions and couple tests make sure nothing else is going on. So see it really is no big deal but even though it's small I am learning so very much. I've had some major fears and worries pop up but then something clicked and I thought no this is just a test and with God I will pass. Not long before I got the call from the neurologist I had earnestly prayed if something is going on or even if it ain't please let me be able to find out just so I can know and quiet those fears and worries. Now I hate needles and have been dreading these infusuons but again thus far it has proved to actually be helping my faith grow. Here's how I am trying to look at it I am standing on that solid truth that I believe God is with me through this and it is only going to be a test but if it shows something else is going on I plan on still standing on that promise. Now I'm human and will lose focus may even take a step off and focus more and longer on the fears and worries but I will as quickly as possible run back to that solid foundation full of promises I know God will keep. Because sometimes it takes what can at times seem huge even though in my heart of hearts I know it ain't but it's got my attention and put me on a road that I need to be on. You know as stated earlier there are people that are facing much more and there's someone that has really shown me what it means to have faith during trials. I often times act like I ain't listening or paying attention but I notice so much more than it seems and I go back to what certain people have said during these times and it has really influenced me and they have or are currently helping me in my faith whether they'll ever realize it. And another thing is I really didn't want to tell anyone about all this I mean I don't even got all the answers or potentially don't and I'm a fairly private person but the ones I did mention they said they'd be praying for me and/or asked if I needed anyone to go with me for the injections, etc. And that meant a lot cause even though it's a terribly small test I'm going through they were willing to take time to ask if I needed anything. And I know that on those days I get to focused on the fears and worries if I can swallow my pride I could call them up and vent and/or just say you got a prayer you could spare for me. So I know this is going to end just fine and I'm gonna pass. There's a song that has the line I just feel like something good is about to happen...and I really do.


And this is potentially really weird to end with a quote from Doctor Who but it fits, at least with all the rest that's in my head but didn't write and in my opinion it's one of my favorite quotes (along with many, many more)

The Power of Words

Twenty six letters in the English alphabet. Doesn't really seem like a lot (I know there are languages that really do have less letters in the alphabet) like enough to make enough different words to continuously say something different, something useful, something meaningful, or sometimes even something hurtful. I find it fascinating the power that a combination of a few letters taken from the alphabet can truly have. They can be forgotten or hidden away in that special file in your memory bank only to be found and opened perhaps at just the right moment. I guess I type all of that because it always fascinates me when I read a book how those combination of letters and the authors creativeness ended up giving me advice, introducing me to characters that remind me of myself or people I know, and just taking me on adventures to places and times I wish I could really visit.

Can you tell I started reading another book?! This one is called Paper Angels by Billy Coffey. Fantastic story thus far, I didn't want to stop reading but the pull to write this was greater. When I read I tend to write down little nuggets of quotes, lines from the books that resonate with what I am or have been feeling and could encourage me or just give me something to ponder on. This book has already given me several. I would like to write three of them. Maybe they won't mean anything to you or maybe they'all give you something to think about.

- In the end it's what you do and not what you meant to do that matters. (I'm a firm believer actions speak louder than words. At least I hope so since hardly anyone ever hears my words! Sad, yet funny but true)

- Because in the end people are broken and spend their lives trying to put the pieces together. Your job is to help them find the pieces. (It's nice to have people willing to help you find those pieces even when you sometimes don't want to look for them)

- To feel sadness did not mean I had no faith; it meant I had an abundance of it...the real conquerers of life were the ones who knew not only when to laugh but when to cry

Seventy something pages in and I am truly enjoying this book. Gonna be one of those I'll have to stay up to finish.

So earlier this year in my very random thoughts I got the bright idea to send a fan letter to Carol Burnett and Lana Parrilla. To my surprise and absolute excitement I received replies from both. On the picture from Lana Parrilla she wrote Big Hugs which is kind of funny since I am so backwards about hugs (although I am getting better and a few people have made the list of I don't mind receiving hugs from). I found it funny but maybe it's one of those you have to be me or know me type things. Anyway I thought it was super nice that they took the time out of their busy schedule to reply to my letters, to this quiet girl from the hills of Kentucky. I truly appreciated it. Now if I could meet Nathan Fillion... lol a girl can dream, eh?!

Where Rainbows Never Die (it's a good song thought it'd work for a good blog title)

I have decided to go on a diet, not because I still have weight I need to lose but instead due to the unbelievable crowds at stores this time of year. Usually you can avoid most of the crowds by not going at the first of the month but now it doesn't matter. I went to the store tonight and got terribly nervous/anxious I had to do every trick I could think of to calm myself and finally decided if I forgot something I could live without it and hurried to the checkout lane as fast as I could. I know that sounds ridiculous and overdramatic but it is a terribly crippling thing to have happen. One of those I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy things. Granted it doesn't even take a lot of people for this feeling to hit me. I hate it but I hate how when it happens or I'm faced with going somewhere it could happen some people say it doesn't bother them or I don't see the big deal about it. I know they most likely don't mean anything and may think they are helping but it doesn't help at all. In my head I know it isn't a big deal and shouldn't bother me but something I can't explain, this fear, over powers my logic and it's just terrible. I even have a difficult time at places like church especially when they have dinners. Oh well at least I'm figuring out some tricks to try to help calm me down and stuff. It's hard to explain anxiety and things like that and it's so easy for people to not realize you are dealing with it or easy to say to just get over it. As I wrote earlier I don't wish things on my worst enemy or anyone but there are times I wish people that say things like that could just momentarily feel what that person feels during those times.

I have such a love/hate feeling about this time of year. I love the decorations, music, etc but I hate how I miss certain people that have passed away so much more during this time. Today has been one of those days. I would love to be able to talk to my grandma. I posted that earlier today on FB and said I didn't have anything in particular I had totalk to her about but I lied. I do have something I wish I could talk to her about or just catch her up on what's been going on since she's been gone. Mostly I wish I could get a hug from her those always made me feel better and right now I need that. She would know what to say even if it was nothing but a hug to help me with a certain situation and person I just don't rightly understand or know how to deal with. Oh well it is what is and this to shall pass.

There once was a title but it could never be found

My invisa-shield is malfunctioning again. I'm not sure how but the settings seem to be permanently sat on invisible mode when I need people to see me and easily seen/found when I want to not be seen by people so they will just walk on by. To be honest I'm not even sure where the switch is to fix the settings. Okay I really don't have an invisa-shield but if I did that's how it would work I am certain because that is how things currently go for me. It's my own fault partly I wait forever for an appropriate time to break in the conversation but it never happens so I awkwardly stand off to the side sometimes finally being spotted and sometimes just using my ninja skills and leaving for them to realize minutes later, if at all, that I'm gone. I recently had to make a couple phone calls for meetings at work. On at least one occasion I was told they couldn't hear me. My first thought, Like I haven't heard that before. Seriously there should be a club and the people could discuss what it was they thought I said or meant ( in case they heard me but it still made no sense). Then my mind working the way it does came up with the following (warning repeat if you read my many posts on FB):

I feel like I should have cards printed to hand out to people that state the following:

Yes I do know my age and relationship status. Yes I know I'm not getting any younger and I do hear my biological clock ticking but I treat it like any other clock and ignore it. You will not hear anything I say the first time (or quite possibly ever, just laugh and shake you head and we'll move on. It'll make me think I'm funny and people agree with me and you won't have to feel bad saying huh again.) and if I do not answer in five seconds it does not mean I don't have anything to say. On second thought this has been enough social interaction for the day. Have a good one

I'm very serious that I want to print these out. I'd never get the nerve to pass even one out but I rather like the idea. Lastly, because I just suddenly went blank here is a rather funny quote I found from The Andy Griffith Show.

Barney: He buttered her up and she egged him on.
Andy: That's funny! You just think of that?
Barney: I can't take any credit for it. My mind just works that way


And that's all she wrote...for now.

Can't sleep so I write

I suppose writing on here for a little bit is better than staring at the cclock,  wall,  or ceiling all while wishing I could get some sleep.  I got a couple of  things I have been  thinking about while trying to will my subconscious back to sleep.

Life really is like a book but it doesn 't come with a table of contents so you don't know how many chapters your book will have or how long each chapter will be.  I don't know maybe we spend so much time worrying over if we'll get to spend as long as we want to in a certain chapter we end up wasting the chapter and only have spotty memories.  Maybe certain chapters last longer and are repeated way to often. I recently heard it said at a funeral that we are all preaching our own funerals right now.  Which I never really thought of it but there is quite a bit of truth to that.  Back to the book analogy.  I think we all want that book with so many pages it's a workout to move it from the shelf to the table and it has the beautifully illustrated cover with fancy font to tell the story.  We think this must be a grand story but sometimes those kind of books can be disappointing. Some of the best stories can come from the books with the worn cover so tattered and faded on the outside but when you open it up oh what a story there is.  The best part is when you think it's over but you turn the page and realize there is an epilogue.  I think all of our stories have an epilogue. So many think a good story has to be told in at least a certain amount of words but some of the most remembered and treasured books don 't always have a lot of chapters or words. No matter how many chapters my book has or how many words it has I want them all to make a difference but most importantly I want my epilogue to be the best chapter of it all.

Occasionally I'll have people say I should  publish a poem or something.  I just always think they are being nice and put it far away in my mind. I use loads of excuses but most recently I was sent some information and I'm leaning ever so slightly to what if.  I recently went through all of my old writings and did some editing.  Ironically enough as I was writing them in a journal to give to a friend I thought maybe , just maybe,  one day I could self publish a book albeit a very short one at this point.  Well if nothing else and I 'm sure it's  all it will be but it is something neat to ponder on.

Thanksgiving

I have a few different things I want to write about and my mind can't decide which one to stay focused on long enough to write first. It would possibly help if I didn't have so many thoughts and them speeding around my head like the a kid that got that extra piece of cake with loads of icing. I guess since in a couple of days it will be Thanksgiving holiday I'll start with the thought focused on that first.

I try to find something most every day to be thankful for, I say most because some days I get so focused on the bad that I forget to be thankful or just flat out refuse to see any good that happened in the day. I figure this would be a good time to write a few of those things that I'm thankful for. I sometimes see/hear that people will go around at Thanksgiving dinner and say something they are thankful for. I always liked that idea, I mean I wouldn't want to actually talk and say what I was thankful for because that would put me in a shear panic but still it's a cool idea. I also like the thought of having a thankful jar or journal to write down good things that happened if for nothing else a reminder of how things worked out. Anyway, now that I wasted a few more sentences let me get on with what I'm thankful for. It's not a complete list and will be vague because I am not going to call out anyone by name but the point will still be made.Not only for this week but at the very least for this year I'm thankful for my health, my job, everything I need to survive (shelter, food and clean water to drink). I'm thankful for the few family that I know I can count on and for my church family because they really are like my family. I'm thankful for my friends and the true ones that are even there when I try to build walls and push them away. I'm thankful for my faith because it's helped me get through some times I wasn't sure I would be able to. There's more I'm sure I could add but really with what I listed what more does anyone really need besides books, oh I guess I could add that to my list as well because I'm really thankful I can read, have the ability to get books and not have to worry about hiding what I'm reading. That probably sounds pretty silly but hey if you can't be thankful for the little things how you going to be thankful for the big things.

I'm also thankful for the time I get to spend with those I care about because it doesn't happen as often as I wish it would. Which is a good lead way into my next topic. You'd think that after a certain age or time it would really sink in you just don't know how much time you got and you shouldn't put off a chance to go visit someone or tell them something. After several missed opportunities and some forever missed because the person has now passed on I still haven't fully grasped that concept. I just try not to beat myself up anymore about those missed chances and give it another go providing I get or can make another chance/time. Since I'm not much of a talker (I don't get enough credit for how much I can talk because no one ever really hears me but that's neither here nor there) so I hope and tell myself that my actions speak volumes and as long as I somehow show it makes up for what I don't actually say, or said but wasn't heard.

Lastly, I recently discovered a site that I'm quite fascinated with. I found out about it on Facebook when another page I liked shared a video from their page. The site is called Call Me Ishmael (callmeishmael.com/)  and you can call a designated telephone number and leave an anonymous voice mail about a book you love and the story behind why it has made such an impact on your life. Then someone transcribes the voice mail and makes a video of it. The first one I saw was a person remarking the impact that The Diary of  a Young Girl by Anne Frank had made on them. Since that video I have went to the website and watched several other videos. I've not read any of the books (with the exception of The Diary of a Young Girl) but I still find it fascinating to hear peoples stories of why they originally started reading the book and the impact it ended up having on their lives. Be it in person or something like this I love hearing the positive impact books have had on people. I've always loved books, they are my time machine and have taken me many places and given me advice and encouragement at times when I just couldn't bring myself to talk to anyone.

Here I go writing again....

I think I may take this reading to serious, I really do question this every time I finish a book. Needless to say I finished The Walk series by Richard Paul Evans. Walking on Water was the last book in the series and definitely one that should have came with a warning that the reader should proceed with caution because you may cry, laugh and/or get a few nuggets of advice that you didn't even ask for or know you needed. Actually I know several books that could use that warning. In this last installment of the series Alan is heading back to Pasadena after he finds out his father has had a heart attack. Most of the book focuses on Alan and his fathers relationship and him discovering things about his father that he never knew. He even finds connections between his ancestors and even his father that are kind of those it really is a small world type things after all. Ultimately, Alan finds his way back to the small town where he had to abruptly stop his walk to go be with his father and now he realizes just how close he truly is to finishing this journey. In one part of the book he walks through St. Augustine and it was neat reading about the places I've been fortunate enough to see. Kind of made me want to go back. Besides making you think of how everyone we meet attributes to our own story in one way or another this series may (or may not depending on who he is meeting at the moment) make you want to travel and/or make you hungry because the author talks a lot about the foods Alan eats along his journey. For me some of the most peculiar meetings with people happens in the last two books but that is one of those things that will be different for everyone. Without giving much away Alan completes his journey and gets his happy ending. You don't really find out anymore about most of the people he met along the way but I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing. If I had a complaint to make it would be that the end felt a bit rushed. You spend so much time learning about Alan's father and so little with the last part of the journey and what happens in Key West. However, I guess it's as Jane Austen said, if a book is well written, I always find it too short.

So here's a few things I got while reading this series: 

• We're all on a journey, some may have started for a particular reason but as time has went on the reasons may have changed
• Sooner or later we may find that every hindrance, every road block and detour that we encounter on our journey isn't always something to discourage us but ultimately is just another part of the journey. A way to get us where we needed to be at that time even if we didn't know it.
• Don't assume you know people's stories
• Everyone does have a story
• Everyone we meet adds and sometimes takes away from our story and ultimately leaves some kind of mark on our journey.
• We all have more in common than we sometimes want to admit but we should use those commonalities to strengthen each other because otherwise divided we fall (there is an interesting part towards the end of the book  where this is brought up, it is well written and very true)

Lastly, see I wasn't exaggerating that I may take the reading thing to serious! I guess I look at reading not only as a way to go to different lands and times but an opportunity to learn something, many times about myself. I'm always a little sad for a book/series to end but I got many more books and journeys (real and ones that are written) to take. 

Some days you just need to vent...today is that day.

Today is one of those days I really, really wish my grandma was still alive because it would be great to still have her around but I could really use one of her hugs. If you want to continue reading let this be your warning that this is just going to be a venting post because my mind is getting a bit cluttered and I need to clear it up a bit.

Growing up I heard when you reach a certain age you get out of high school, another age you get a job, an average age you should be married have a family and so on and so forth. My question is when do some people reach the age that they quit blaming everyone else for their problems and accept some of their own responsibility or at the very least move on. Let me say this I ain't talking about the issues and things that happened to you that no one should go through or that you had absolutely no control over whatsoever. Those things unfortunately happen but then again I suppose even with those you have to reach a point and not blame anyone, including, if not most importantly yourself. Funny how when things happen to you especially out of your control that you can spend so much time blaming yourself thinking that it was somehow your fault, you deserved it. Anyway, that's a whole other topic. My thing is the people that waste their lives blaming others for something they never got, that they felt they were entitled to. Blaming someone because they now nor never did have a good job, that type thing. This bothers me even more when you blame someone that has been dead and gone for years and ain't even around to defend themselves. Even if the reason is justified and there is truth to it there comes a point where there is no denying there was at least one opportunity a job could have been gotten even if it wasn't a job you liked or wanted. Oh but it is so much more easier to blame others and push the responsibility on someone else then to take the consequences upon ourselves. Gotta keep the conscience clear somehow don't we? Truthfully I think that's what it all boils down to, we do what we gotta do to keep our own conscience clear and for many that is to cast off blame and responsibility to others even if we gotta keep blaming the dead. Even if there is some truth to some of the blame we put off on others there still comes a time where you got just accept and move on. I guess I'm just a firm believer that everything happens for a reason sometimes, okay quite often, because of my own stupidity and arrogance in thinking I know it all so I then take the same roads and turns a lot of times before I'm like okay fine which road do you want me to take and I listen to that little voice in my head finally. The thing that bothers me so much about these people that live their lives blaming others is that they are so blinded by what they don't have or what they feel they have missed out on they can't even see the blessings staring at them. No you may not have that great paying job, the new car, that way to big house like your neighbors that you covet, but why don't you look around at what you do have. Over the years you read these stories of people that seemingly don't have anything, they'll be living out of their cars but for them they are rich beyond measure. These people that are constantly give me, give me give me or complaining because yeah they got heat but it's expensive and if they could get this other kind it would be better it gets to the point that you feel you just can't help them that there is no pleasing them. No matter what they have they'll see something that is better that they wished they had. I don't understand, I truly don't and God how I have tried to. Am I always grateful and happy with what I have, no I'm not if I'm honest and I know we all have those days that's not my point, but it becomes a serious problem when you stay in that ungrateful state of mind. You live there long enough it's like you have tunnel vision and all you can see in that tunnel is what others have when in that dark space that you can't shine a light at to see you have so many things to be grateful for. If you can't appreciate the little things and the roads it takes to get and often times keep those things how is getting those big things going to make it better, how can you appreciate them if you were to ever get them? Nine times out of ten if they were to get it they'd find something wrong with that thing within five minutes to five months and be wanting something else and still be in that miserable state. Do I have everything I want? No I don't. Do I have every thing I need? I absolutely do and that's what's most important, at least to me.I don't know I'm probably looking at it wrong but the way I see it there comes a time in your life where move on to the best of your ability and that does not mean the wrongs won't come back and bother you at times and you play the what if game but you got to decide to move on and decide that it got me to the road I'm on now might not be the one I want to travel on but I'm going to make it to my destination whatever comes my way and I'll learn from the wrongs and mistakes but most importantly I'm gonna be grateful for it all. Cause without the bad you can't appreciate the good, you can't even find the good.Again I ain't talking about the things that we have no control over but with everything you have a choice at how you are going to view it. You can constantly use it as a crutch to prevent you from walking and going where you want or should (even if that means you tried and fell flat on your face, you tried and that sometimes means more than what would have happened if you had made it). or you can get to the point and you just write that lesson learned down in the big book of experience and you toss that crutch away and run free from that which is holding you back. To many people are walking around with chains shackled to their feet blaming others for hiding the key when they can't even see all along they've been holding the key in their hand.

And that's all I have to say about that, thank you for reading my little ranting.

I write therefore I must be bored

Pete and Repeat was sitting on a bench writing one day. Pete couldn't think of anything to write so he  put away his notebook and left. Repeat didn't have anything new to write but wanted to write and decided there was enough of a few old subjects that could be rewritten that you think it sounds familiar but enough is different you keep on reading anyway. This is what you got stuck with reading, if you so choose to continue.

Well I started this yesterday with the intention of writing aimlessly about a subject but didn't get a chance to finish it and now that I'm starting writing on it again I feel I need to go another route. For the record the previous subject was just going to be about  how we feel such a connection to characters in television shows and/or books and are so critical of how said character is portrayed. You know the whole they would never say, wear, or do that. Or how certain characters can remind you of people you know in real life....blah, blah blah..but new day, new thought and  I thought that is probably boring, and though that's not stopped me before I decided to just write something else.  Which is a long drawn out way of saying I don't really have anything to write but I want to write so I am so just winging it and living up to the ramblings of a quiet girl.

The other day I had to go to the dentist, something I dread long before it is time for me to even go in for my cleanings. I mention this because my dentist asked if my teeth were sensitive and I said yes (well as well as one can talk). I was thinking it was quite ironic and kind of fitting that even my teeth are sensitive  since I have such a highly sensitive personality. I have to take whatever my mind gives me to think about to ease my anxiety of being at the dentist. I also mention that simply because I still wasn't sure what else to write.

The nice autumn weather has finally turned to plain old cold and I have officially entered the I'm ready for spring weather. I try to find something good in every situation, I fail as often as I pass on that one, perfect example is the cold weather. Although having a warm place to stay, the comfy hoodies/sweaters and hot chocolate make it tolerable.

Sometimes as I'm driving I'll see people walking or even the people I pass in the store and there are times I wonder about their story. What brought them to that store that day or where is it that they are walking to. I was recently in a car with someone and they saw someone walking and they said something along the lines of I don't know but they look like someone that has done drugs at one point in their life. To which I said wow really, that's kind of mean. In reality we've all at one point or another said/thought something very judgmental about someone we've seen in passing (it can get even worse if you actually know the person). I wonder why we do that. I wonder why I have such a fascination at figuring out why we, or at least I do that. Is it something about that person that we see a trait that we've seen someone else do, are we just trying to focus on others supposed downfalls to take away from our own, or a number of other reasons. I'll probably never know why but it does make me wonder what others perceive when they see me. Perhaps there is always a little bit of truth about how we perceive those we see but the truth isn't necessarily about the person but ourselves and how we choose to look at people or even ourselves.  I guess I think to much about this but each time it seems we as a society take a step in the right direction to focus on the person and not the looks we take so many steps backwards.I can't change societies way of thinking but I do have control over my own and how I view people. I want to be able to look at people and not come to preconceived judgements based solely on what they are wearing (or not), their hairstyle, or even the way they walk. We're all stories, sometimes people take a quick glance at us and think they know the story but they aren't even getting the summary on the back cover. Not sure what people see when they look at me and what story they come up with but as Richard Castle says, don't ruin my story with your logic!

The Walk

As I've previously mentioned I'm currently reading five books in a series called The Walk by Richard Paul Evans. I've just started the fourth book and already will definitely recommend this series. The great thing about finding a series late is you don't have to wait forever for the books to be published. Basic synopsis without to many spoilers is it's about Alan Christofferson and his journey to live again. He loses everything, his wife, his business (that was stolen from him by his business partner), his house and his cars. His wife dies from complications from a accident and before she dies she makes Alan promise her that he will live again. After the funeral and going through the emotions he decides to walk to Key West. On his walk he journals not only the places he walks but the people he meets on the way. A couple of things that are really making an impact and just adding on about how I've always kind of looked at this journey. At one point in one of the books he makes the statement of how he thought a certain person he met it was so he could help them but it was actually so she could help him. I think that happens a lot. People go in a situation thinking they are going to help the person, kind of be the hero, and they end up getting more help and leave the situation with more than what they started with. I've done this before but the big one that I had one of my shut up get out of my head moments was when I would read the few times he would ask himself why, why is this person helping me? He would ask it specifically for a couple of people but also for just the random people that did things to help him out. I'm constantly asking myself that question. I have those few people that are willing to listen to me, are there when I ask and those times that pride won't let me ask for help and I always find I'm wondering why they are willing to do it. Now I have a bad habit of thinking what do you want and/or waiting for the bottom to fall out from under me when/if I start getting close and comfortable around people. I've struggled with it for years but thank God I'm getting better at ignoring those fears because 99.5% of it is just fear. However, I'm so thankful for them, for those times that when I try to push them away they will still say I'm here for you whenever you want to talk. You know in the past year or so I've learned so much about myself and I think I've truly matured and grown as a person.  A big part of that is because I've let things go (all together now in your best Elsa....Don't let them in, don't let them see. Be the good girl you always have to be. Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know. Well now they know.Let it go, let it go,Can't hold it back anymore....sorry couldn't help myself!) Seriously though I have noticed that a weight has been unloaded because I'm not carrying a load that wasn't mine to carry to begin with. So my point was everyone we meet on our journey, even if we aren't walking from Seattle to Key West, Florida, we meet them for a reason and I truly believe that. I have so many examples of why I stand on that and just as many of those examples come from strangers I've met one time as well as those people that started out as strangers but I now have the privilege of calling my friend.And I think that is the answer to why are you helping me...we can't get through this walk called life by ourselves and be it a stranger or a friend everyone has a purpose and a part in this walk. So if you read and are looking for a good series to start go to your library, bookstore, or friend that has a copy and start reading. Wherever your walk takes you try to make the best of it.

Just A Poem I Wrote

So I haven't been able to write anything (except emails bothering a couple people) but last night I was finally able to write something. Now as I say I am a Christian and this has that kind of theme. I ain't trying to force my beliefs on anyone but this is one of my most honest poems about my life and walkin my faith. This and Quiet Girl are probably my most sincere and honest writings. So if you want to read it continue but remember I don't claim to be a writer definitely not a good one but I got to get my thoughts out. Just like my posts I don't know what to title it yet.



For many years I've worn a mask
To the truth I thought I had a firm grasp
But I was using a lie as a shield
The real me I wanted kept concealed

Many said, 'Don't ever change.'
But I knew I couldn't stay the same
I lived my life full of fears and lies
That those mountains I couldn't climb

Until I put away my pride
For my life needed a new guide
Then I was told about Christ
And I saw things in a new light

You see God's grace and mercy
Could love and forgive a mess like me
So it was then all of my sins I confessed
The peace I felt I can't fully express

Since then many times I've fallen down
But by my sins I am not bound
Through the blood of Christ chains are broken
I cry out for forgiveness all my sins forgotten

I had to write something here....and this is all I could think of

 3, 2...1 for all and all for 1
Times will be bad, times will be good. Things I wish I hadn’t done and some I wish I would cutting through the American noise. You’ve got a voice and a song to sing (and a song to sing)...No matter who you are you’ve got a voice. Why don’t you use it, sing your own song take all the noise and make it into music. (American Noise)


Sometimes you just got to start out a post with a song lyric. I had this plan to write out this big thing about masks and how we all wear one to a certain degree. If you say you don't I would ask you when was the last time someone asked how you were doing and you said fine when you was so far away from being fine you couldn't even see it in the horizon but you said you was fine and even put on a fine show of acting like it. Seems to me that's the most common mask people wear. Masks and labels, two things if we could get rid of we might be able to get to know and understand people a bit better. I at least understand masks more than I do labels. To me a mask is like a shield. You wear it to protect you, which can mean many different things for each person. A label is used to just cause division and give you a clear conscience of why it's okay for you not to associate with someone. Awhile back I wrote a post about labels (March 2013). Personally, I wish we could get rid of both of them. There are a select few that I'll take my mask off and be myself around for a brief time. You got to be careful about wearing the mask for to long cause you could soon forget and lose all those amazing, unique things that makes you who you are. And that's all I have to say about that, well it's all I'm going to write about it anyway.

About a month ago I had wrote a post about how life was like a puzzle and how I was working on completing a puzzle. At least in my head that analogy still proves to be true and I went over it a lot as I was trying to complete that puzzle. Shockingly enough I actually stuck with that project and completed it a few days ago. Funny how while I'm working on something I'll think I'll never get finished, get frustrated and have to walk away, want to give up, come back and start working on it again and make great progress, get side tracked by other things, find my way back and ultimately I complete the project and get excited that I accomplished something all for it to end with now what do I do. That statement could also easily describe my life at least at times or maybe it could describe it as it is all of the time. Now I just got to figure out how to frame it and all that goes with that because I am not taking that apart and putting it back in the box. Besides the box it came in is really cool and I can use it to keep stuff in. In case you were wondering the puzzle was from The Wizard of Oz, only one of my (many) favorite movies, but only one of the few that I can never get tired of watching.

A-Typing I will Go....

You always hear that everyone knows everyone and their business when you live in a small town but I can prove that is not always true by voting. Yes, I said  I could prove that isn't true by voting. This morning I went to vote and the lady asked my name and when I told her she asked if I had any ID because I didn't look familiar to her. I've even heard someone say something about me and the person they were talking to would proceed to exclaim 'Who?' complete with a look of bewilderment and for the briefest of moments it looks like this person has an imaginary friend. I rather like the fact that not to many people seem to know me. The less people I know, the less chances of rumors and the like are to be started! I imagine there are people I went to school with that don't even know who I am. For the people that do know me the most popular words to describe me are the quiet or weird one. And I do own both of those descriptions quite well. Back to the lady that asked for my ID, have you ever seen someone that looked so familiar but in the files of people you know or have seen you just can't seem to place their face with a name of who they may be or at least of who they remind you of. It's frustrating when you never can remember who a person is it's kind of amusing when minutes, hours or days later when the name suddenly comes to you which then usually goes into you having to figure out why this random name popped in your mind.

It's only been a few days since the time went back an hour and I want to go back to the other time. Give me a little bit when it starts getting cold and I won't care, or care as much anyway. One good thing is that I have been waking up before the alarm goes off so I don't have to hear it blaring at me. At least I can use it getting dark at 4 o'clock to my advantage and catch up on reading because there's not much else to do. Speaking of which I started reading The Walk series last night. I think I am going to love this series. It's written in diary form which I have always loved to read books written like that. I also will be reading Lizzie & Jane by Katherine Reay which I am super excited to start as well. I loved her first book Dear Mr. Knightley and have been anxiously awaiting her second book. When I went to the bookstore to get it I was worse than a kid in a candy store. I saw no less than ten books that I would love to read. I was proud of myself that I only got that one book though. This is why I'm glad I can't get used to reading on a Kindle or Nook type of device because I'm not sure I could stop myself from buying all of these books as easily as I can when I'm at the store.Not to mention I am such a dork that I just really love walking through a bookstore, I'll take that over going to a store shopping for clothes any day.

Lastly, I'm not sure if it's the cooler weather, my age is trying to trick me and make me feel older than I am or what but I'm having a major I feel old stage. This morning I woke up and finally have had to break down and try to use some of that pain relieving cream. My first thought about this was I am to young to smell this old. I don't know why the smell of that stuff makes me think of old people. It doesn't even really seem to help, just makes you smell...old. 


A-Typing I will now stop :)

It's That Time of Year Again...

Is it just me or do the stores try to shove the holidays in your face earlier each year? Around here at least one radio station has started playing Christmas music 24/7 a mere day after Halloween, actually it was more like minutes. Now I love the Christmas songs and decorations those are my favorite but when did it become so commercialized? Always, probably and I am just to naive toalways see it. It is so much more about who has spent the most instead of time with loved ones. If you are able and want to spend money on gifts for people I think that's great but when it's to the point of just bragging about it than no I don't uunderstand that. But I don't understand bragging anyway but that's a whole other thought. For me it isn't about the gifts, I actually dislike when people ask me what I want because I just don't know what to say. I don't want people to waste their money on me they should spend it on themselves. With that being said I truly am grateful and appreciate when people do think of me and get me a gift because it is the thought that counts. It shows they saw something and thought of me and got it for me. With the stores playing Christmas music and putting up signs of how many Fridays are left before Christmas I can't fully enjoy the holiday season anymore. All I feel is pressure to buy items and my poor brain is at a loss of what to get anyone. I did buy one gift today not sure I'm completely happy about it but it should work. I would like to add one last thought to all of this. We all need to remember this is a difficult time of year for many folks. There's nothing like the holidays to make you miss loved ones that have passed away more than just about any time of the year. So if you have a friend, neighbor, co-worker or family member that has a difficult time around the holidays why don't you take the time to stop by or call and at least say hello, it could make a bigger difference then you can imagine to let them know they have someone to talk to and perhaps for the briefest of moments take their thoughts off of the hurt. And perhaps you could even remember the homeless shelters and donate any of those blankets or coats you never use or wear anymore. I plan on doing that this year. It is the least I can do because no one deserves to be cold or not have a good coat to wear and I can't say someone should donate items or their time without being willing to do so myself. Whatever you do for the holidays and no matter how fast the stores and time itself tries to rush it remember that the people you are buying the gift for are more important then what you buy and making memories with them will last much longer and make a bigger impact then that great find in the store.

If I'm honest...

If I'm honest I probably won't stick with the original idea for this particular writing but I liked the title so I'm keeping that. Actually, I honestly have no idea what is about to be typed. I'm just going to type and try not to put so much thought in if the subjects go together, if it's something anyone would want to read and so on. So shall we begin...

What is it about saying certain things that suddenly turns it into a competition? If you say you are sick then someone will say something along the lines of, 'Oh I bet you wasn't as sick as I was when...' There are so many examples of how this can happen. In fact, I recently had this happen about vision. I had made a statement something along the lines of I had bad eyesight and couldn't see without my glasses. The person then stated, 'You want to see bad eyesight let me show you my glasses.' and the proceeded to go get their glasses while I'm sitting there thinking when did this become a competition and I'll let you win. Granted I'm a pretty competitive person and hate to lose, although there are times I'll even purposefully lose for various reasons but that's somewhat off point. So I just smiled and agreed as they were pointing out how thick their glasses were and offered to let me look through them to see how bad their vision was which I declined. Since they wanted to make it a competition I'm declaring myself the winner simply because they had to actually go get their glasses while the only time I can take my glasses off is when I'm sleeping and taking a shower. To be honest I've only had these new glasses a couple of weeks and I'm already having trouble reading/seeing certain things. But my whole point was why does it have to become a competition, I just don't understand. It's not really something I want to win at or see the need to make sure I figure out a way that I can win. I'm guessing for the most part people don't even mean, or possibly even realize that it has suddenly turned into a game of I can do one better than that. I know I've done it before and I can't with 100% assurance say that I wasn't trying to do one better or make some now unknown point to the person. Perfect example is my previous statement of declaring myself the winner. Perhaps it just reminds people of something they have gone through and they are trying to point out they have the same problem, even perhaps a little worse, and I'm just taking the whole thing wrong and it seems like they are competing when it isn't the case at all. I don't know because to be honest I don't get people at all. It's kind of but not really like how you can't wait until you get a certain age so people will believe, understand and/or take you more serious. When in reality no matter what age you are someone will, or seemingly, always see you as to young or old to understand, do something, etc. 

I'm not sure, but imagine that I'm not the only one that has certain shows they grew up watching that they still miss watching. Many of the shows I love aired and ended long before I was even born but there were shows that began and ended in my time that I still love to watch. Thanks to reruns and DVD's I can still watch them. One of those shows I've started watching again and still love is Boy Meets World. Even with the inconsistencies in the story lines, especially with how and when Cory and Topanga met, it was still a great show. It's funny how certain characters from shows and books just stick with you and at the mention of them you get a feeling of nostalgia. The Ricardos (I Love Lucy), the Petries (The Dick Van Dyke Show), Darcy and the Bennets or even just the mention of Pemberley (Pride and Prejudice), Narnia, etc....all just a mention of a word will suddenly take you to another time and place that for a moment you can almost wish was real so you could go visit. Sometimes you just need to find a character in a book, television show or even a line in a song to say what you are feeling that you have been having trouble saying. But alas they are not real but that's okay because in some way there is still a little bit of the characteristics of those people in places here in the real world. It's nice to have a little escape but in the end can't beat the characters and places that can be found around you and the story that can be made with them.

If I'm honest I think I'm finished writing now and will leave you with a few pictures I recently took.

Good Title, Where Art Thou?!

Sometimes things happen and they just strike me way funnier then they probably are. Perfect example would be yesterday when I open the door to leave for church  and see five or six cows just standing in the driveway blocking my car. I found it absolutely hilarious. After I had a good laugh and realized they wasn't going to go anywhere anytime soon and I really needed to leave I went walking to my car. Funny moment happened there too because as I was walking this little calf peaked its head around the backside of its mama and then I got major stare downs from a couple of them. I made it to my car getting ready to get in the car and look at the cow that is staring me down and said, 'What don't look at me like that I can't help I got to leave.' So after slowly backing up while honking my horn the cows reluctantly moved out of the way no doubt talking bad about me in cow and I got a good laugh that morning. Guess it was one of those you had to be there moments.

I got to take a little day trip and ended up at Natural Tunnel Park and got to see a blockhouse and learned some very interesting facts about it and the folks that lived in the area at the time. I write that to get to this point: the lady that let me in the house and was telling me all about it made the statement I saw you reading some of the signs on the way up to the house. Now my first thought was oh no I really hope I didn't talk out loud to myself while reading them because I have a very bad habit of doing that. I realize how often I do it especially when I go to the grocery store and have to constantly stop myself from doing that especially when there are people around. Anyway, my second thought was you really don't know who is around and who is watching you. Sadly, all to often a lot of people are just hangin' around watching and waiting to see you fall/fail. I guess if they can point out others faults and shortcomings it helps ease their own conscience and/or take their mind off of their own faults and shortcomings. If you can find people that are there to reach out a hand to help you back up after you fall or fail keep those people around because they are to few and far between. So I guess the lesson is just cause you think no one is watching doesn't mean they aren't so be careful when talking to yourself....or picking your nose...hahahaha!! don't know why I went there but I am so leaving it!

I hate when life gives you pop quizzes, I never did like any kind of tests the whole ordeal just stresses me out. I'm a terrible test taker. For the most part in my tests in life and even back in school days I somehow manage(d) to pass. Granted, sometimes it was barely passing and sometimes I would ace it with a fantastic grade and some I failed and had to retake again.  I always found it odd how the tests I always thought would be so easy sometimes turned out to be the most difficult ones. They took the longest to take, no answer on the choices to pick seemed right, and it seemed to take forever to get the results back to see if you did pass or not. And I'm not just talking about tests I had to take in school that were/are like that.

To conclude this post I figure I'll include a video of a song that I've heard a couple times quite randomly over the weekend. Perhaps I'm trying to be told something! Nah, probably not but it is a good song with a good message.

I'm pretty sure all two people that even read this have seen these pictures and my apologies cause you just got an extended version of a couple of posts on my FB page but either way just in case and just because here are a couple of pictures.

Here We Go Again

On my way home tonight I saw lots of lightening and like I do way to often I had a ridiculous thought. What's that, you'd like to hear it good I was hoping you would. So after a few lightening strikes I thought the angels must be having a photography class. Oh, wait it gets better and by better I mean worse. There was one of those blinding lightening flashes that make it look like daytime and I then say, wait I wasn't ready for the picture. And then people want me to talk more, is this really what y'all want to deal with.

I have decided that the puzzle I started may never end up finished. Again just like life how to often I don't finish what I start or say what I want to say. Eh, maybe I'll keep going back and eventually finish or just lose patience/interest and go to something else. I need to stop doing that so much in life though.

It is no secret I love to read and I started a new book today. What may not be known is there is a certain subject I avoid reading because it hits to close to home, opens emotions and memories I prefer not to visit. I even bought and started reading a book without knowing it dealt with this no need to name subject and I couldn't keep reading it so I gave the book to a friend. So I started reading my book today no big deal until I got to chapter two. That's when I realized it dealt with that thing I don't like reading about. I was really enjoying the story and decided this shouldn't last the whole story so suck it up buttercup and kept reading. I'm now at chapter six and it's still dealing with that but it's not been unbearable and I think I can survive that part to finish the book. Usually I love when I can relate to a character but that one thing I struggle with reading but I'm thinking with this story I may just get something out of it. I've done that, read a story just thinking it'll be a short vacation away from reality but by the time I finish I've gotten so much more out of it.

That's all folks

Life is like a puzzle

Tonight, as boredom reached a height where reading, drawing or watching television just wasn't working I got the bright idea to start a one thousand piece puzzle. It wasn't that bad until after a very long time and I was still separating the pieces then I thought this probably wasn't such a great idea. So there I sit in the floor surrounded by groups of puzzle pieces and that wonderful over thinking/analyzing kicked in once again. Yup, life is like a puzzle, or mine sure seems to be.I try to go and get all the edge pieces and get those put together first. Now in my life when I get that put together that just ain't enough I got to go building more walls up but I digress. So after I get that done, or maybe after or as I'm searching for the edge pieces I separate the other pieces in what part of the puzzle that piece may go. However, you go about starting the puzzle you'll have different pieces all around. Side thought, just like how we all may go about separating and starting a puzzle in different ways but we still end up with a completed puzzle how people start out on their journey may not be the way we'd go about getting to the destination but that doesn't mean that person is wrong. It's like someone wanting to take a trip to California and they tell someone they are driving out there but that person asks why would they do that when they could fly and get there much quicker. Both ways of transportation are fine and will get the person to their destination but what matters is that the person takes the route they want because it makes them more comfortable and it allows them to make the stops they want to because sometimes no matter which way you go there may be unforseen delays so you may as well be on the road in the mode of transportation you want to be in for those possible delays.  Anyway, sorry for that slight delay due to side thought, now back to another thought. After I got the pieces separated I began to try to put the pieces together but that wasn't going so well. It got to the point I was just staring at the pieces and could see somehow they could and would fit to make the picture on the box but no matter what pieces I picked up they wouldn't fit even though at first glance they very much looked like they would fit. Life feels like that sometimes. You see pieces and they look like they'd be a perfect fit but sometimes quickly and sometimes after awhile you realize they just don't fit. Then there are times you get on a roll and the pieces are lining up perfectly only for you to be unable to find that one piece to keep going. You look everywhere and just can't find it so you panic thinking they didn't put that one piece in the bag or you somehow accidentally threw it away. However, that piece is almost always found and usually right where you looked several times just like that puzzle called life. Just like how it can get frustrating when you try to find that lost piece or cannot get the easiest part of the puzzle together no matter how much you try life can get that way too. Sometimes you just want to give up put all of the pieces in the box and forget it and run as far away as possible. Granted, in life sometimes walking away is the best decision but there are times when we want to give up that we don't even realize just how close we really are to that goal. It's like how sometimes you hear that faint little voice that whispers try one more time. Sometimes you do and sometimes you don't. If you try again perhaps you find you actually manage to put a couple pieces together and sometimes you try again and don't get any pieces together but you can still see how eventually, in some way, the pieces will fit together.  So basically, no matter how scattered the pieces are, very few pieces are being put together, or it is taking you longer to get the puzzle put together then you or others think it should just remember eventually the puzzle will be complete and it is worth all the troubles, delays and such to get to see what the final piece looks like. Because unlike the real puzzles there is no box to look at to see if you're putting the piece in the right place or not but that's what makes life better than the puzzles because the picture can be changed and it's not limited to the picture on the box. But neither puzzle will get finished if you don't try to put pieces together and I think I've used the word puzzle enough so this sentence shall conclude another post...

Driving through a storm

I had a fantastic opening sentence and a half way decent idea to write about but that was while I was trying to sleep and I knew  by the time I turned on the light and got my journal the thought would have left and unfortunately it didn't stick around so I could remember it this morning so this is the not nearly as good first sentence you get to read. And now if you so choose to continue reading you are stuck with the current thoughts rolling around in my head. I've pretty much given up trying to figure out how I get what I get out of the things I see around me and just try to take it and put it in my file for when it will help me at a later date or help me figure out what I'm currently going through or even use it to help someone else out. Yesterday I needed to run an errand and I decided to do that right in the middle of a severe thunderstorm because that's just what great timing I tend to have. I love storms but hate driving in them. It was a good one to with the can't even see the lines in the road or a car in front of you kind of heavy rain, windy and even some hail. In hindsight and even at the moment I realized this was the perfect real life analogy of the way I've been feeling and such. So I'm driving hoping I'm on my side of the road and thinking boy I'll be glad when I've drove through this storm (and how many times does that not apply to those 'storms' in life). Well I made it to my destination fine get that over with and I'm driving somewhere else and as I'm going down the road on one side of me is clearing up the light from the sun reflecting on the remaining clouds is making a beautiful scene and then on the other side it's dark, cloudy, lightening, it just looks like it could come another bad storm any minute and here I am driving down the road right between the two of these scenes. Now at this point I had a well huh if that ain't a perfect real life scenario of how life can be. Bear with me I went somewhere with this, it still probably won't make sense, but still bear with me. Picture it: in the little car called life and driving down the road and you look to the side and see what could potentially be a bad storm coming your way, or perhaps you're driving in that bad storm right now. So you're attention gets drawn, as it naturally would, to the storm and all that could happen in it but you take a quick glance away from the storm and something catches your eye. You turn your attention to the other side of the road and you see a clearing, I don't know maybe you even see a bit of a rainbow (I feel like I just turned into Bob Ross talking about what we are going to paint, just don't forget to paint a friend for your tree!). Anyway, you see that if you keep going you'll get to that clearing eventually. Even though you may have to face a few more storms before you finally reach that clearing you do end up getting there. Yeah, from driving through a storm I got the thought of how easy it can be to focus more or even get lost in the storm but if you remember to look back to the road you may find you aren't that far off of the trail and above all else you may see that clearing and realize that with one simple turn or even just staying on the road you're on your way to that clearing and the view is totally worth the storm that you just drove through. Doesn't always make it any easier or fun to have to drive through those storms, the real or hypothetical ones, but it's the journey to our destination where the stories get written, learned and shared and sometimes it takes a storm to finish or start a story. Just like that storm I drove through yesterday I've made it through the other side and to the clearing on my most recent storm and many I've had to face in the past. I know I got many more to to drive through on this road called life but storms are needed to appreciate the sunny days. Sometimes it's the only way I can finally see the clearing because the darkest hour is just before the dawn.

There's no real reason to adding the video, I guess if you gave me enough time I could figure out a way how it somehow goes with this, but I just really like the song and wanted to add a video just because so that's what I did!

Patience is a Virtue

Jonathan: Come on Evey faster!

Evelyn: Patience is a virtue!

Rick O'Connell: Not right now it isn't! 

 

Why am I starting this post with a quote from The Mummy, besides that it is one of my many favorite quotes from that movie, and I couldn't figure out any other way to start it out. Sometimes I feel like life is the Evelyn character and I'm Rick because some days I just don't feel like patience is such a virtue and I ran out of my supply, or more accurately I just misplaced it and no amount of retracing my steps is helping me find it. Or just for the fun of it here's another analogy, it's like not wanting to go for a ride but someone promising they won't go that far and you'll be back in no time only for them to get you in the car and their version of a not long car ride includes going through multiple counties and stopping for all kinds of errands all while they ask if you care if they go/stop here and you give your best evil look all while saying nope. Life is the driver and you are the passenger that got lied to and now are in a ride you are wondering when it will stop for a much needed break that will get you back to where you want to be. So in the real life version of that, because that has totally happened to me, I don't really have much control over when the person takes me back home but in my hypothetical life as the driver I do have a bit more control although sometimes I think I forget that and let life take over and drive me around in circles while I'm over there in the passenger seat having lost all patience and just not seeing the whole picture or point to any of this. Then suddenly, perhaps while sitting at one of the red lights that are holding forever, it suddenly dawns on me that I started out as the driver on this ride to begin with and I can take back control anytime I want to so just before that light finally turns green I put my life back where it belongs and take back over driving duties. Like it says in the song Not Gonna Die by Skillet, when life pushes me I push harder what doesn't kill me makes me stronger. 

 

Looking at a situation and seeing many, many different possible scenarios can be a blessing and a curse, some days I'd lean mostly toward curse.  For example, back to the patience example. I reluctantly can admit that I don't have much patience so it easily can get buried by all those scenarios I come up with in a situation or all those frustrations that I keep bottled up so that even when I try to retrace my steps I have my patience so buried with junk that I can't find it. Usually that means I'll only find it when I've really lost my patience and then enough of that junk gets moved so I find my little treasure of patience where it had gotten buried and promise that I will put it in a safe place so I won't lose it again, only to often to have that cycle repeated at some point again in the future. It seems I can't ever find a decent enough place to keep my patience so it won't get buried and I can remember where it is. Although there are times that I can see what has happened and to try to prevent a true loss of my patience I'll try to muster up enough courage to bother one of the very, and I do mean very, few people I can kinda sorta just a little bit open up to and get just enough out of that pit so it's not so full and the risk of an unnecessary eruption can be avoided. 

So I guess after many not needed analogies and the like the point is that patience really is a virtue and in every situation it's worth one more look to find it and make sure you have enough before you face something, or someone and end up saying or doing something without enough thought or patience that you have to eat your words and apologize for the wrong that may have been done. Easier said than done I know as for me I know I'm going to mess up but I won't use that as an excuse to not try to be prepared and potentially avoid a mess up. And when all my steps and tries still aren't enough and I mess up I just try to quickly make it as right as possible, apologize etc and say, 'uh, it's me again God. You know that one thing I thought I could fix and do alright on my own with, well turns out I was wrong I still need your help and most importantly forgiveness for....' I was once told we're not perfect but we just keep asking God to help us and I have to remind myself of that a lot. And I guess that's all I got to say about that, I got to go find my patience before it gets buried any deeper!

Typing the Night Away

I guess with my last post I should have put a footnote with the first paragraph. That note would have said, *Not every day that starts out and even stays overwhelming and/or bad am I able to just laugh it off and pretend everything is okay because some days it's just to much and all I can do is just throw my hands up and say I give up (end of footnote). As I posted on FB sometimes all you can do is sit down for a bit and think (really hope) that tomorrow will be better. I say all of that because go figure after I post that about bad days and laughing them away a couple days ago I had a really bad day and couldn't find anything to laugh, or even have a good cry over, so I did the throwing my hands up in defeat and frustration. Later in the day I found myself at a place I could just sit down by myself for a brief moment and not think or do anything but listen to the sound of water cascading over rocks which is so relaxing and calming. It's hard to be in a terrible mood while listening to that. And while on the subject of bad moods, apparently it's rare I show people my bad moods and what not because I had someone say you rarely ever let things get to you or have a bad day. It would seem I'm a better actor then I thought. It really does take a lit to get to me, well get where I'm vocal about it getting to me and will show that I'm bothered or will talk to someone about it. Granted, there are a few people that know me well enough that I can't fool them at all (they've not pushed the subject when I said nothing is wrong but I don't think I fooled them.) I am human and do have my limits and some days I just can't handle it as well as others, or what usually happens is I have tried to tuck away to much in a very limited space and a feather falls down on that pile and barely touches all that I've bottled up and before you know it....hello bad day and break down. As the saying goes, fall down seven times get back up eight (no matter how bad I fall on those terrible days what's important is that I get back up even if I have to ask for help.)

Have you ever been talking and/or listening to a conversation and someone will say you said something you know good and well that was not what you really said or even close to a summary to what you said. Makes you wonder what conversation they was a part of or where their thoughts was at when you said what you really did say. I guess it is true people hear and see what they want to, at least at times. I've occasionally tried to correct them but they always go back to the incorrect wording of what I said. Part of me wants to ask when I said that but obviously it wouldn't help or matter because they will always be convinced that is what I said. So I generally just say sure, or nothing at all, and correcting it in my mind or just thinking that is not what I said. I don't know maybe the way I talk or phrase things it does sound like that's what I'm saying and my true meaning and point isn't heard or understood. Oh well it is what it is and apparently sometimes I find it irritating.

You know if I could talk to people as easy as Ican animals, especially dogs, it would make things so much easier. I may could even have an easier to follow conversation with my friends for once in my life. Small talk with people equals awkwardness and panic but small talk with an animal I can do that because there's no pressure and they are great listeners! Of course my true friends have patience with me and for that I'm grateful so it's all good I reckon. Still it'd be nice if small talk, or at least talking in general, wasn't always so difficult.

Have you ever heard the saying, if your dog doesn't like someone you probably shouldn't either. I agree animals and even kids can be a fairly good judge of people. With that being said when that statement is pointed directly at me I would question whether it could be true or not. It seems I can fool dogs, generally anyway, and they like me. I had one follow me around at a park before and one walk with me from my car to my uncles house. So either I am good at fooling dogs (and people) and making them think I'm a decent person or I'm fooling myself to think I'm not a very good person, a combination of the two or there's nothing to said statement at all. I have more scenarios but by now I imagine you get the point and no need to write them. I don't have a dog so I'll try not to over think it and just be glad when a dog (and of course people) like me.

You ever have friends that are more like family. I like to call them framily - people that start out as friends but before you know it they become more like family then just friends. Those kinds of friends are the rarest kinds of friends which makes it even more special when you find them.

I think I'm finished now :)

One day I'll think of a good title...today is not that day

Ever have one of those days where so much goes wrong that all you can do is laugh (or cry but I try to laugh, especially if people are around). I had one of those today. It was one of those you might as well laugh about it cause getting frustrated about it doesn't usually end well. Would you look a-there I may have learned my lesson from that time I injured myself because of my lack of patience and abundance of frustration.

I hate how if someone gives me a compliment I automatically go to you got the wrong person and/or what do you want. After I remind myself to take it and say thank you and realize they meant it and no strings attached. It is nice to be thanked for something you do. Not that I do anything solely for that. I don't ever even want to do anything for recognition or to earn brownie points with someone. Anyway, point being I totally fail at accepting compliments and what not.

I love it how sometimes something as simple as a television show can connect you to people and you make great friends. I owe Doctor Who and Castle for letting that happen. In the case of Doctor Who there's a little boy that will come up to me now and talk Doctor Who. I love it cause it's interesting to see things, including that show, through his eyes but can I tell you a secret that little boy has taught me so much and not about a television show. When you see things through the lens kids see you get so much more of the picture and a more honest view. I've learned so much about my own walk of faith, or to be honest sometimes lack of it, when I see this young fellow ask for prayer for people and believing God will heal them and seeing him not be ashamed to be seen praying. People don't give kids enough credit. They remind you of the simple things and help you see things your adult eyes and way of thinking can so often prevent you from being able, or wanting to.

Speaking of God I've wrestled with a few things I've wanted to post and I'm still not sure if I'm supposed to make a post or if it's all just for me and where I'm at right now. So as I wait a while longer on that I do want to write a couple of things. First, why do we try to fit God in this itty-bitty box and limit Him then people will ask where are you God. In that box you shoved and hid Him away in. It's not that He can't but to often we hinder Him. Like those people that interrupt you every time you try to talk. I think we do that sometimes along with putting Him in that box. I recently had someone say I should be out of church by a certain time and I said not necessarily how you get that. And there response was well you're supposed to be (the time they gave would have me in church exactly one hour, no more no less). Apparently along with that life is fair when.. book I didn't get the book on correct church service etiquette. But that's an example of putting God in a box. It's like people say alright God I'll give you a couple hours on Sunday (including Sunday School) and an hour on Wednesday then you got to go back in the box until something is goes wrong then I'll come let you back out. We don't like it when friends only contact us when they want something and don't know us all other times yet we do God the same way sometimes. God's done to much for me to try to keep Him in a box and hidden until I need Him because I need His help and guidance everyday, all day.

Lastly, unlike a preacher saying they'll close ten times I really will stick with the two points I said I would, I often hear people say they say their a Christian and they said or did this. Said statement comes from Christians and non Christians alike. Many will say that person is a hypocrite and yes there are hypocrites in the church, always has been always will be down here anyway. A Christian isn't perfect they make mistakes but when they fall, and they will, they try to make it right and ask for forgiveness. And for the ones pointing fingers always remember you'll always have more fingers pointing back at yourself and that goes for anything and everything you judge others on for failing and such. Christians should be willing and ready to pray for, well everyone, but I also feel they should do so for that person that is struggling in an area. I believe we are all capable and have areas where we can help people. I believe people are in our lives for a reason and often times it's to help and encourage them through things they struggle with. So long story short don't judge if you ain't willing to help that person in whatever way you can because as I saw on a quote be an encourager the world already has enough critics. Love people, give them time and chances to grow before you go saying there's no chance and try to pull them up and discard them like a flower you planted and after one day said it's not going to do any good, there's no hope because there is always hope until the last breath.

Oh just another post

I was going to get on my soap box but decided nah, I'll just sit back here with my feet propped up on it and see where the topics of this post go.

Fall (or autumn, if you prefer the correct title), is finally here and I'm pretty excited. The weather is so beautiful this time of year cause you still get a few warm days but without that humidity it's nicer. I am, however, trying to keep thoughts of winter at bay. Enjoy the moment, right? No need dreading and fretting over something that may not be that bad and if it is I sure have no control over the weather, just how many layers and trying to limit my complaining and see the positive in it instead.

Working my life away, not getting nothing but a headache. Working my life away, ready for a vacay (vacation wouldn't really work). Squirrel! It happens...a lot. Love it when I say a phrase and it reminds me of something, generally a song, and I try to write my own version of said song to something. Fun times. Okay, lame but whatever it passes time by. I'm thankful for my job but sometimes it saddens me to realize just how much time I spend at work. There's no fulfillment, nothing to step back and look at and say I can make a difference. Oh well, guess it's a phase I'm going through and I think it's called Adulthood with Responsibility.

You ever said or did something you immediately thought why did I do that. Happens to me a lot. In fact, I need to get me a new book to write these moments in because my current one just got full! I end up sticking my foot in my mouth all the time. I saw a thing one time that said something like, 'remembers mistake made in conversation years ago...gets embarrassed again.' I do that all the time. With my most recent event I've kicked myself over it but then thought well this isn't helping. It is what it is if it's a major goof up there should be some scenario to fix it, fairly certain it's not the end of the world like I will make it if kept worrying

Time, I don't use it wisely...and this proves it

You ever notice how in television shows and/or movies when a person is typing it looks like they hardly ever hit the space bar and/or backspace. Just once I think they should make the person hit the backspace button and they should have it at a crucial part when the person has to type in a very important message. Picture it: action scene bad guy about to knock the door down, good guy typing in the life saving message to stop the bad guys and save the world, dramatic music playing in the background. Camera pans from bad guy to good guy typing. He's supposed to type: FANTASTIC CODE GOES HERE but instead types I FORGOT MY LINE....he still saves the world just in time.

Ever notice if you say Hyundai a lot it sounds like someone saying Hi Andy. Let's not forget the Yukon, I can't see one of them without saying Yukon do it...you know cause Yukon sounds like someone saying You can. What can I say, sometimes music isn't enough to pass the time by while I drive. And the truth is...shiny...seriously it takes absolutely nothing and everything to distract and humor me so I take whatever I can and run with it, metaphorically speaking of course cause I can't eveen safely speed walk.

Things I don't understand:
- Why I wrote the previous paragraphs
- What is so difficult about merging...there are signs and arrows painted on the road warning you the lane ends. Yet people will still get to the end and suddenly panic and not want to get over like they think maybe if I sit here long enough a lane will magically appear and keep going. It won't, please just give up and finally merge so we both can continue on our journey.
-Why autocorrect is like some people and thinks it knows what I'm trying to say and fixes it before I'm done and I think nope that's not where I was going with that how about you just let me finish saying it and mess it up on my own.
- Why politicians suddenly turn into five year olds at election time (okay all the time but way worse at election time.) All the commercials sound like a whiny kid saying (s)he took my crayon (or potential vote) now let me kick, jump and scream and talk about what a big meanie my opponent is. Really? Just, really? Look I vote because I appreciate and respect the hard fight to get me that right but those commercials are beyond a waste of money that could go to actually, oh I don't know, help people (gasp! what an outrageous thing to think I know.).

I think that will conclude my Things I Don't Understand list. I think that will conclude this post.

Ooooh one last one if you read all of that I don't understand how you did but hopefully you at least laughed once cause saying this was such a waste, mess or just no thought at all to sum up what you just read is a safe bet to occur.